not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Wave we've had three long dates, so fitted in walks and drinks/meals and last time back to mine. We text each other through the day, talking about things we're doing that day and making plans for us. If doing things, with kids or out, we don't text until hours later. After meeting first time I found out that a friend of a friend works with him, and said he's alright (most you'd get out of that bloke). I'm happy with the way things are going, but I'm guarded emotionally.

I don't think I can emotinally sign up for more unless we were much further down line. We've both been messed about, and have DCs, so I'm not sure how long it will be to trust each other. I also think we have different financial views, but need to know more before I know if this could cause issues. He earns lots of points with me for honesty though.

I haven't read the previous posts mainly because I'm quite drunk following the date with mr hesitant and can barely read. Will have to catch up later.

However, great date. He'd booked a table at a restaurant I've always wanted to try and so we had good food and a lot of laughs. He forgot his wallet so I paid ( my friend thinks this is a bad sign of laxness), I really didn't mind given I had a lot of fun and had eaten more than him ( I'd been swimming and to Pilates beforehand so was ravenous). Wore a new dress for the first time which I thought was quite demure but I soon realised with every step I took, it rose up! I was even wolf whistled on my way there ( it's been decades since that happened!) so was highly flustered by the time I met him and slightly embarrassed due to having goggle marks- swimming before a date is not a good idea! Still it went well. Doubt it has legs but a lovely time out in itself. And then to cap it off as I was walking ( staggering!) home feeling sexy and glamorous ( probably/definitely more likely pissed and dishevelled), I bumped into ex-FWB. So I flashed him a killer smile and kept on walking ( staggering!).

claw! What an exciting Sunday you've had!

petal I did hear from my guy. All appears a genuine work emergency and he has apologised profusely and reorganised for Wednesday...... So we shall see!!

Just checking in. Wow what an exciting time pp have been having! Working on my presentation so not thinking about dating for a while. But... Got this message today from the French ex uni lecturer

"Every day I look at your pic, and every day I am glad we are going to meet. No pressure, but I hope I do it for you as much as you do it for me when we see each other."

Nice or creepy? I think he's ok but experience has told me to not get my hopes up. So many good prospects have crumbled to dust...

Also, Poshwriter had agreed to have a chat with me about my presentation on Sunday as he's in the same industry. I just texted him and he's in the wine bar a bit pissed!

I don't want his body right now, just his brain!

Men...🙈

eek glad to hear the date has been reorganised!

destiny my initial reaction was creepy. I think ironically it was the no pressure bit! However, could it be lost in translation? How are his messages otherwise? Was posh writer any use in the end? How are you feeling about your presentation?

Well, the wine is wearing off and I'm back to reality. mr hesitant got in touch saying he'd had a great time, apologising again for forgetting his wallet and suggesting a date to do an activity we talked about. I was just about to reply that I'd book a babysitter but just had an odd feeling. So I replied 'I had a lovely time and I'd love to do the activity but only if you're not feeling obligated because of your lack of wallet'. He replied that he was feeling obligated and could I either send him my bank details or he could take me to the activity but just as friends! Can't believe he wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't probed. So glad I didn't book a sitter! Although the activity would be a laugh, I would feel he would be there out of duty so I'm not going to go. Also I feel odd about giving my bank details to a random! It was a large amount of money for a first date but it was good food so I'll chalk it up to experience I guess. Although I did have a random thought as he's been so insistent about paying me back. We go to the same yoga studio and my pass is about to run out. The pass costs about half the cost of the meal -would it be weird to suggest that? He could just pay the studio. I'd have to give him my surname and probably my email but better than my bank details. I'm undecided if that's a bit cheeky.

Anyway mrcricket has renewed his subscription and has confirmed tomorrow night. He seems nice and chatty but he doesn't have kids. He hasn't mentioned my kids but I do wonder if it'll prove a problem given they are with me full time.

Good god don't give your bank details to a virtual stranger!

Him ' forgetting his wallet' is well suspicious IMO. Not a good sign.

Tell him he pays next time. Does he work?

MrPosh wanker never got back to me. He had offered to have a chat with me on Sun but then never did. Bit upset as I just wanted ten mins of his time to get a second opinion on what I was writing.

So fed up of men and their lack of integrity. Sometimes I just want to give up on it all. It's the death of hope over and over again that I find so hard to deal with. Just want one decent one and can't even find that...😥

I think I've got enough for my presentation but I've not worked for quite a while as I've been a carer for my dad who has dementia and lost his sight. So have lost my confidence a bit. This is the first job I've seen for ages that was in my field. I really want it!

destiny I am with you on that one. It really is the lack of integrity that's so galling. If I'd promised 10 minutes of my time, I'd follow through. I have my fingers crossed for you. I've been out of work for ages and it really does dent your confidence. Not helped by confidence being dented by useless men too.

Yes the wallet thing is suspicious. I thought we were going to a local cafe for coffee/sandwich - so a £20 bill but he booked a French restaurant and the bill was £130! I told him to pay next time but now he's dithering about that because he just wants to be friends so doesn't know what to do. Do you think it's ok to give a stranger my full name and email so he can pay for a yoga pass for me ( we go to the same place at different times so I wouldn't have to see him). Perhaps I should just write it off. He does work but I think he lives in a rented flat share which surprised me ( he's in his 40s).

Claw I don't think you should give him too many personal details, perhaps full name for a cheque to be left at the gym for 50% of the meal?

£130!!

At what point did he realise he'd "forgotten" his wallet? Feels like he's taking the piss really. We have to have our wits about us dont we? Was this a first meeting? Think it's wise to not see it as even a date really. I try to keep it casual and just have a quick drink. Which may turn into more but only if we get on. And it means you can leave if there's no chemistry.

I know!

The bill came, he said theatrically 'I'll get this" and then after 10 seconds of rummaging said he'd forgotten his wallet. It was a first meeting- we only started 'chatting' yesterday. He suggested lunch, I said a coffee instead and then when we met he told me he'd booked a table. I was surprised but went along with it. It does feel like a bit of a scam, particularly as he said he was hesitant about meeting me because I had kids. Feels like he never had any really interest but thought I might be good for a free meal.

lilac that's a good idea. I'd think I'd feel less used if he did pay something.

I feel I need to prepare for tonight's date with mrcricket a bit better! It's a first meet and just in a pub for a drink so in theory I could make a quickish getaway if no chemistry. Problem is I'm a real people pleaser and a bit soft/gentle. I could easily see myself agreeing to go on somewhere else just so I didn't hurt his feelings.

What things do you say when there's no chemistry and you want to go? Obviously if he was an utter twat, I'd have no problem in leaving. For me the problem would be if he was really sweet but just no spark.

I think it's useful to have a get out clause, if you have kids say you've booked a babysitter and they can only stay until a certain time etc. You CANNOT afford to be a people pleaser if you're doing OLD, you need to be quite assertive. You don't owe these guys anything. And don't go buying them meals! It was deffo a scam the way you describe it.

Ah well we live and learn...

I'm sometimes so relieved they're just normal that I mistake it for attraction and it's only on the third date I realise there's nothing there ( or I'm getting irritated/bored by them...)

Or you could say you have to be up early the next day or you have an assignment to complete. I tend to have 2/3 drinks to see how we get on once we've both relaxed a bit.

I got an email from Mr Poshwriter at 5.30 this morning saying sorry, he got caught up with friends. Think he means he got pissed down the wine bar...!

Defo get your money back! The Yoga pass seems the best idea!
I think I'm going to give up! Had sooo many dates, the ones who want to see me again are not long term prospects, for a variety of reasons! Just met one a few nights ago who I was attracted to, he was quiet, intelligent, but apart from messaging saying it was lovely meeting me, there's no contact! Maybe it's time to come off Tinder and try a different one. Thinking of Guardian soulmates

destiny glad posh writer has been in touch. Has he suggested another time to help you with your presentation?

Thanks for the tips. Yes, I know what you mean about mistaking relief for attraction!

waving, I'd not heard of Amy Young so will check that out, thanks.

Gosh OLD can feel like hard work and I've only been doing it 2 months!

outnumbrd that's so frustrating he's gone quiet, what a pain.

I'm on Soulmates and I can't say I've encountered better behaved men!

I've messaged mrhesitant and suggested the yoga pass. He goes to a class there tonight so we will see if he's filled with good karma ( or terrified I'll burst in calling him out!). If I get anything back it will be a bonus.

It's a steep learning curve...

Claw Was it the wine talking earlier, because first off you said it was a great date, that you'd always wanted to try that restaurant and that you didn't mind paying because you'd had a lot of fun and had eaten more than he did?

Now, because he says he doesn't want anything more than friends you think he should reimburse you in some way? I agree, I think he was probably taking the piss, but unless you always split the bill on every date, I would just chalk it up to experience and ensure that first date is always coffee date. As a guy I always pay for a first date (or did), most women never offered to split or buy any drinks - becomes expensive!

What would you had done had you booked the date and genuinely forgot your purse? Would you have insisted on paying him back?

Clawdeen I'm in shock! £130 on a first date at a restaurant of his choice AND he forgot his wallet?? Sounds incredibly suspicious to me. Did he seem genuinely mortified when he'd realised he'd forgot it?
You are definitely not being cheeky asking him to pay for your yoga pass, it's too much money to led it slide.

I still haven't heard from my French guy so I'm chalking it up as an experience and moving on. Would like to know why they pretend they're interested in seeing you again at the end of date and then disappear?