not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

nomore yay! What a wonderful date! Very restrained of you! Are you going to see him again?

tinkerbell that sounds great! A hot doctor? What's not to like! For me, less texting is better but I know I would want to hear from him a few times in the run up to Saturday just to check it was still on.

waving that's crap about mrholiday. Sorry to hear that.

Claw yes definitely seeing him again, I'm not sure if it's not just a fwb type situation but I'm ok with that if it is, I usually ask all the boring questions when we start talking but just never happened with him. He was intelligent, funny and local, ticks all the boxes!

nomore intelligent, funny and local- that is a rare find! Brilliant!

Wow you guys have been so busy. Hello to new folk and how YOU doin a la Joey Tribbiani to non newbs!

Had a brief date with mrwoodsman on Thurs after our dinner went so well on Weds. I was away for the weekend with friends but squeezed in a quick hello with him yesterday too. I cant put my finger on it but he put me on edge a bit yesterday- I am another one recovering from a v controlling relationship and so am struggling to know whether my judgement is working. I need to slow things right down as mooseburgers could v easily have been served at his yesterday but I held back. And the rest of the meal was v good so there's something stopping me as I thought I wanted burgers!!! I think he wants this to turn into a proper relationship but I am not ready for that and believing that the expectation is there on his part makes me uncomfortable. We talked last night about it but he's said I'm overthinking things and lets just see how things go. Am I overthinking? Not used to trusting my judgement.

Sorry for mememe post! Loving in particular all the flurry of activity for you lot over the weekend. Good work daters! X

Sick it's fine to go at your own pace, don't get pressured into anything. It's hard to know from your post if there's any red flags there, can you give us any more info about what made you uncomfortable?

Sick How many dates have you had with him?

Hi All!
Wow, lots to catch up on from the weekend!!!
I am glad that my "concurrent rather than sequential" ethos is actually shared by others here, after the blog bashing that I got I was worried that I was actually being a complete dick.
WavingNotDrowning Are you sure that MrHoliday has unmatched and not just deleted his tinder account?
Tinkerbellx There are lots of guys that are really poor at between date communications, the ones with busy jobs seem to be the worst for this. Just make sure that it's just poor communication and not a lack of commitment.
SicknSpan I would say that you are over thinking and doing a little self sabotage. Try and relax and enjoy it for a while, you still have time to get out if things are proven one way or the other.
emilybrontescorset I don't agree with your "as women we are conditioned to be polite and not offend" post. It is not just a female issue, it is a Britishness issue, I was brought up to be polite, think before you speak and if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything and I am male! As to people asking why a short date on your profile, that is because it is on your profile. People on here are always complaining that the men don't read the profiles and here you have people reading your profile and asking questions based upon it and you are ripping them for it (unless of course they are asking to meet for a full day in a dark alley).
Clawdeen Wow, just wow! You clearly have had a lucky escape from MrKent. It is easy to find peoples surnames if you know enough about them through a Facebook search. If I was you I would protect myself by changing your profile picture on Facebook to something that isn't a photo of you so you can't be identified from search results alone. You could also go to the extreme and make it so you don't come up in searches but that also hampers actual friends.
Destinysdaughter Looks like your MrPosh is keen then, just takes a while to get going and can't take subtle hints
bellbellunited Just ask if he wants to catch up with a coffee and you can gauge from there if things could go further from his side
Slowlyslowly It is too easy to get swept along in the others current, I am having a hard time of that a little at the moment. Treading water so to speak

Wow this thread has moved on quickly! and what a load of creepy stalkers there are out there. Obsessed or what!

Welcome all the newbies. (and good luck out there!)

Prizey I'm so glad you've found a good one. It all sounds amazing! I love the fuzzy feeling. When are you seeing him again?

Destinys That's really interesting about texting and I think it's spot on actually. I know a lot of men I've been in touch with seem very keen to keep texting (and in AudiDriver's case, sexting) with no real effort put into trying to meet up unless it's last minute and late at night

Waving Sorry to hear about MrHoliday. What a shit. He's no loss.

Rosetta You sound just like me.

So apart from AudiDriver, I've got MrIT who I STILL haven't met but who always texts me and Richard Geer who e-mails me and an ex of mine who texts me a lot and wants to meet up but I'm not keen (I finished with him for a reason but he's a family friend too so can't ditch him completely).

I'm just trying to think what I'd do if I were a single man today and I think I'd be tempted to go with texting/sexting if there was nobody I was particulary keen on and didn't fancy settling down just yet but wanted to keep my options open with a view to getting moose burgers when I wanted them. Don't judge me! I think it's all too easy for men these days to arrange a hook up whenever and wherever they are so the effort isn't what it used to be in the olden days (when I were a lass!) I know one 40-something male friend of mine did OLD a few years ago and he said he felt like a performing squirrel with women just after him for sex only and no committment and he's quite the lad.

I haven't dared go online dating again despite setting up profiles on Tinder and OKC. I'm not sure I can handle the stress.

Hi everyone!

Can I rejoin the thread?

I was on here back in May before I met my most recent relationship failure on Tinder so it's back to the drawing board.

Went on a first date with Mrfun last Saturday, got way too drunk and he crashed at my place (as he had driven from the next city and couldn't drive home). I immediately regretted it as he was trying it on all night whilst I had the most horrendous hangover.

I have a very warped sense of what's normal and what's not in a relationship and felt like it served me right to be pestered all night for sex as I had invited him back to mine even though I made it clear I didn't want anything to happen. He's an idiot for not taking no for an answer right? It's not like he forced me to do anything, was just pestering me and I didn't like it but I'm sure alcohol had a lot to do with it.

He wants to meet up again but I'm not sure. I wouldn't say we massively clicked but then it was hard having a conversation over loud music. Should I give him another chance sober doing something quieter (with no alcohol?)

Jaffacakesaremyfave I think that alcohol and poor choice of date environment could have had a lot to do with the issues you had so it could well be worth trying it one more time. This time I would suggest that you should try for an alcohol free and quiet venue, maybe coffee and a walk in the afternoon? That way if you do click in that environment you can progress things into the evening if you like or just drop it after the afternoon if needed.

Hi Jaffa I remember you. Did you actually like MrFun? You only say that you didn't massively click. Was he attractive? Did he make you laugh? Personally I would write him off unless he has qualities that you want to explore further in a sober, quieter environment?

I think the repeated trying it on when he had been told no doesn't bode well, even if it was down to the booze. It's not something you want to deal with repeatedly in the future if he has a good night on the lash really, is it?

I'm really not sure Pebble, he has a nice face but not very tall (we're the same height). We kissed and I didn't feel much. He seemed nice enough though, I cancelled a date last minute on him the week before and he took it well. He's very complimentary etc but I guess I'm scared of falling for another arse (seems to be my type at the moment).

That could be because I'm quite jaded with the whole OLD thing at the moment though. Id love to meet someone but getting tired of the whole process. Does anyone else find most guys in on Tinder have absolutely no conversation skills. One guy was really funny by text but then became really inappropriate so I lost interest.

The guys that I would seriously consider dating seem to lose interest before we even meet. So then I'm left with the ones I feel abit vanilla about.

I'm really not sure Pebble, he has a nice face but not very tall (we're the same height). We kissed and I didn't feel much. He seemed nice enough though, I cancelled a date last minute on him the week before and he took it well. He's very complimentary etc but I guess I'm scared of falling for another arse (seems to be my type at the moment).

That could be because I'm quite jaded with the whole OLD thing at the moment though. Id love to meet someone but getting tired of the whole process. Does anyone else find most guys in on Tinder have absolutely no conversation skills. One guy was really funny by text but then became really inappropriate so I lost interest.

The guys that I would seriously consider dating seem to lose interest before we even meet. So then I'm left with the ones I feel abit vanilla about.

Well for the first time ever I'm only seeing one person! And he is the total opposite of my normal type!

But he is fun to be around, we have good conversation and the sex is amazing! So I'm happy to stick with him for now. Had two offers of meeting up with guys I've already met before and declined both, which is unheard of for me!

recycled thank you for the advice re Facebook. Not only am I unsavvy about dating, I'm totally unsavvy about technology/social media! I haven't got a Facebook account but was just about to set up a 'fake' one as suggested here in order to access Tinder. I was going to use the same profile photo as I don't really have any other recent pics of me. Do you think that's wise? Also, and am now feeling very silly, when we switched to messaging by text ( and before he went weird) mrkent said he was missing seeing my photo popping up by my messages and asked for a photo of me. I sent him a copy of my profile photo which I regret now. Should I be worried?

Thanks Single, well due to my child free weekends, it will be 2 weeks away before we see eachother again , this is the problem we have and we find it very frustrating but its just how it has to be at the moment, I love his patience (has no DC's) and I love the fact that we don't have to discuss if/when we are seeing eachother, because its just a given that we will make time on my childfree weekends. I'm beginning to see a breakdown in his guardedness and he's started saying (subtlely - he is very cool ) sweet things, I get the feeling that he's playing it cool, just incase he thinks thats what I want (I am a bit like this myself I have to admit, we are similar in that way)

Kiki - sounds like you've got a keeper!
Jaffa I agree with Recycled, sounds like the alcohol could have been a bad idea, but I don't like the idea of him insisting with you, well done for standing your ground,must have been awkward. Welcome back btw!
waving I have no idea about the D/S thing, but doesn't sound like he's the man for you. Well done for moving on with Mr Holiday.
Single are you looking for more irons then? Audidriver not satisfying you? Or is it quite casual with him? Its difficult trying to get to grips with OLD, but you'll never know unless you try!
Clawdeen I had a feeling MrKent would turn out to be like that, too much texting is a huge red flag as Destiny pointed out (great links BTW), I'm sorry it didn't work out but wow what a lucky escape you had.
Sick I'd say you are overthinking things too, and I'd just go with your gut, that feeling you are getting is for a reason.

Clawdeen if you are setting up a fake Facebook account purely for tinder then set it up with a false surname, you only need it to have an accurate first name as that's all that's seen on tinder

recycled thank you, that's really helpful. I really don't want that man to track me down!

prizey that sounds so lovely! Shame you have to wait 2 weeks but must feel so nice for it to be a given

So I had the answer for yesterday's date.

He thinks: "we are very different, with different interests and hobbies and it is not going to work between us."
I replied that I agree on our differences.

Whoever with experience: "is it easier to have a relationship with common interests and hobbies?"

I have no spark towards him, I don't think he takes that into consideration :)

What would you say?

Prizey To be honest, I'm looking for irons as a distraction as Im becomming obsessed with Audidriver and in danger of falling for him. Such a shame he doesnt want a relationship. He's explained that his son is his priority though so he doesnt have time or money for anything else and I admire him for that.

Oops - posted too soon. Great that you know when youre seeing him though Prizey even if there is a long gap invetween.

Inexperiencedchic I think at least one common interest helps you gel but the chemistry is crucial in my experience so I'd be dumping.

Well my date for Sat on Match has just disappeared ! Like a puff of smoke .
He asked me out then the message and his profile just disappeared . Everything .
Then a day later he reappeared and we agreed date and venue .
Now he's disappeared again and not come back so I'm assuming it will be a not date on Sat .
Just v slightly hoping he ll come back and he's busy at work busy . So frustrating .

Watching thread with wonder and was rather hoping I'd be the one texting an update from the loo on Sat but not looking likely .