not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Thisis the problem with lots of texting is that it's not based on anything real as you simply haven't met yet! A relationship takes time to grow and it takes work and putting some effort in to. Texting is lazy communication and is based on fantasy. At least have a phone conversation to see if you actually connect as people!

Hi everyone I'm back! Had a gorgeous couple of days with H&C, just lush. Fancy him more all the time (probably the oxytocin talking ). I told him phonecalls is a better form of communication and we should do more of it rather than texts, he agreed. I also dropped a pebble and casually mentioned I've come off the site and he smirked, and I said 'not because I'm getting ahead of myself with us, but just because I don't like doing that' He nodded in agreement but didn't say anything more.....and I thought to myself 'balls in your court now big-guy have a little think about that one and get back to me'. All feels fabulous and gorgeous and fuzzy. I love spending time with him, it just feels right.
Waving - time on your own and enjoying singledom is important IMHO.
Off to catch-up on thread......so much has been going on in 2 days!

Prizey how lovely!😀

This is a good article on why men text a lot before they meet you

www.elle.com/life-love/sex-relationships/advice/a48/why-do-guys-text-so-much/

"According to experts, it may be because a lot of guys prefer the texting to dating. Matthew Hussey, a relationship expert and author of Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve explains that, for guys, texting strangers serves a purpose that women, who tend to have a larger social network (both virtually and in person), don't require. "Texting gives men a non-committal form of validation whenever they want to feel connected," Hussey says. While an actual date can make a guy freak out about commitment and question whether he really wants a relationship, texting offers intimacy without the, 'Is this going to be a thing?' uncertainty. "Guys may want fleeting moments of connection rather than the prospect of a real thing."

Can I join you?

Had a date today...
Nice guy, straightforward... from POF (my first actual date from that website)
I'm not attracted to him or should I wait and see where it will lead?
We don't have much in common I guess.
He did try to impress me just to add some points...
I don't know now...

Anybody with the advice appreciated, x

Waving I've had horrible hangover today too :( Also feel paranoid and shitty!
Prizey Good to hear you had a good time.
Inexperienced Nah life's too short to waste time. If you don't fancy him and got nothing in common, what's the point?
My RL FWB texted today to say he's free tonight, but I can't face going out. We have been shagging dating for about 3-4 years now. We go for nice dinners, drinks, theate but never had the exclusive conversation!

If you really didn't fancy him I probably wouldn't bother. Was there anything you did like about him? Personally I can tell really quickly if I like someone or not but I've been on lots of Internet dates!

And welcome! 😀

Otoh i didn't fancy Mr Eligible date 1 but we got on really well,sparks flew from date 2 so can be worth oerservering

How many, Destiny? Have been out w 4 different men, 3 from online

How many? Well been doing this for years on and off when single so er... Lots! 😀

Didnt mean to pry. Early days for me so a newbie!

Hi, I'm new here too. First pof date yesterday, I'm calling him Mr Keen. Coffee turned into quick dinner, and was v nice. But...
Recycled I love your explanation for concurrent/sequential dating. I didn't think it was for me, but MrKeen is so v keen and eager I'm wondering now if I'm even ready to do this. I'm not used to being this 'successful' with a man! My last attempt at dating 2 yrs ago ended up with a fwb (without the friends bit) with an entitled narcissist. And if just dipping my toe in by meeting lots of people might be a good way to stop myself getting swept off my feet and into something I can't get out of (that's kind of what I'd intended to happen, but I was v flattered by MrKeen's multiple messages, and didn't really have chance to talk to anyone else! ). Part of me is very excited to have met someone who excites me, but there are a couple of things about his current situation that bother me. I'm not sure if I'm being fussy (maybe I need to compromise), or whether I'm sabotaging something potentially v good because of my baggage.
I've been single a looong time, because I have a tendency to end up in controlling relationships. I'm hopefully more self aware now, so with all the work Ive done on my self esteem over the last couple of years I'm hoping to spot the red flags now. Mr Keen is telling me 'when you know, you know' and getting worried about me if I don't respond to his many many daily messages quickly enough. Which I think is a red flag? Or is that just how nice people behave when they find someone they want? i already feel like I must have done something to encourage this keen-ness and therefore don't want to upset him by telling him to back off. Pfffft. That's that being nice thing you guys were talking about earlier on.
I need more irons. And not worry about MrKeen so much... He's a grown up isn't he?

I'm off to read the too much texting article destinys posted. I think that's how I got into this muddle...

Destiny he is nice, well brought up and respectful.

He tried to touch my shoulder just to hold me from the coming car, but I didn't feel anything.
Am I too picky?

Blimey I didn't mean to write so much. Clearly over thinking this
Thanks Waving he is hot, not my usual type physically, but v exciting. Maybe a little rough round the edges. Not sure I trust my judgement on how I feel about him! More irons needed. Without a doubt

Slowly when someone is so keen after just one meet it can be a red flag. Just take it at your own pace and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Moving too fast can be a sign of someone who will turn out to be controlling which you definitely don't want! Did you read that link I posted about how to spot early warning signs?

Thank you destinys I have just read that. In theory I'm a domestic abuse expert, and I'm v good at seeing it with others. However despite this I'm also a magnet for it, & v good at minimising and making excuses and all the other stuff. Hence not dating for so long. Thank you for your response. I can see now it's not a good sign and feel a bit silly for getting caught out so quickly
Gah. More work needed clearly.

slowly if you scroll back a little bit and read my recent posts about my date with mrkent last week, he moved very quickly and was saying similar things. Be careful and wary. Mrkent bombarded me with messages and became very controlling/needy/paranoid and ultimately aggressive when I binned him. The links Destiny posted are very helpful.

Hello! Can I ask for some advice please - how can I ask a man at work out without making a fool of myself if he's not up for it? We work in a big company and work together occasionally but not often. Have chatted on works dos and got on well but I have no idea if he fancies me. Thanks!

Thanks claw it was your post that prompted me to post. As I read it I thought i might seek opinions as it could easily go the same way. The links are fab. Having read that someone moving faster than is comfortable is a good reason to be concerned, I can see how I'd get swept along further out of my comfort zone purely to keep him happy. Phew. V v glad you're all here. I talked with a friend in rl who knows what I've been through and I came away thinking I was being oversensitive and perhaps sabotaging a potential good thing. But also wondering if someone who hasn't lived with abuse could really appreciate how it happens.

slowly yes my RL friends initially thought the bombardment of texts was 'cute' 🤔. I'm really new to dating so I was flattered to start with. Luckily for me he went so overboard with the texts that I quickly got irritated! Dating is exhausting!

Gah. He just asked if he'd done something wrong or if I'd gone off him. I was brave. I said I was conscious of going slow. He says he understands. We'll see... I've just started reading "wmlb" on kindle. Need to toughen up!
bellbell I can't offer advice as I don't think I've ever asked a rl man out! But how exciting for you

waving he was deployed in June, we carried on seeing each other for about 5 weeks into his deployment, he then ended things, he's due home on Saturday and is now suddenly back in contact, I'm not into playing games so just need to stay strong, he's very introverted and I just can't deal with it. Sorry about Mrholiday.

My date tonight was fantastic! We laughed so much and there was obviously sexual chemistry, he's text pretty much asking to come back here, I've stayed strong although mega tempted!

Hello all... May I join pls
Single for a couple of years after 25 + yr relationship and been in a few internet dates and no expert but having a great time finding my feet iykwim .

I have a date on Sat from Match ...this ones a bit odd .
We marched and had lots in common, I mean loads . A couple of short messages, always quite a few days apart . and he quickly asked if I'd like to meet for dinner or a drink .
I agreed and then again a few days later got a reply and a date and Veuve were arranged , with an apology from him for late reply as had a bump in his car .
Nothing since .
We haven't even swapped numbers so I kinda feel like it's a completely blind date .
Fingers crossed he'll talk to me a BIT more before we meet .
I appreciate he's busy ( he's a Dr., ) but so am I , and I would like a bit of effort to talk before we meet .
Is this normal for some guys ?
All the ones ive met so far are almost the other way and drive me nuts with too many messages ?

Anyways, it's Sat evening and I'm trying not to her over excited , he's not only written a great profile but he's fairly hot too ☺️