not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Hello! Just wanted to say thank god I've found somewhere that I can talk to other mummies about my tinder/ Happn habits!

I'm relatively new to it all (2 weeks - after I finally changed the locks to get my flat back from my soon-to-be ex-husband. It's a bit messy and complicated). So I'm home again and, so far, there've been plenty of moose burgers following drinks at mine - I always did what came naturally on a first date before I was married... I thought that's all I wanted but it's not.

And I have no child-free time - that'll change soon, I hope... - hence drinks at mine as the first meeting bit, which I kind of feel terrible about. (I do take lots of safety precautions etc etc) So, after 2 weeks, I'm feeling a bit jaded with it all. And, yes, I've had plenty of WhatsApp dirty talk that leads nowhere, inappropriate moose burgers with guys 10 years younger than me, last minute matches and inappropriate invitations because someone else cancelled on me at the last minute. Meanwhile, soon to be ex-husband is shacked up,with a new partner already (and I pity her) because he's been able to pursue a normal social life along with dating via apps.

Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. Warm hugs, please anybody. Should I continue with the apps but in a more nourishing way? It's certainly serving as a good distraction to all the nonsense that my ex is subjecting me to every other day... Happy stories, please!

And what does OLD mean?!!!! Please?!

Outnumbered - our thoughts are with you. Stay strong

Minop - that's what I want!!! Where and how did you find him?

OLD is online dating.

this it is NEVER ok to meet at the house of someone you haven't met! Don't ever let someone try to persuade you to do that. There's lots of weirdos out there and you simply dont know who you're dealing with. There are guys who will use it just to try and get a quick shag. His reaction when you said no was very telling. You can call the shots. Meet in a public place, cafe or pub, whatever you feel most comfortable with. It's also ok to block someone if you don't like what they are saying or suggesting.

Stay safe!

NooNoo bit concerned u r having first dates at your home, most guys are prob ok but you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position there. Is there no way you can get a babysitter or meet for coffee during the day?

Stay safe!

Or Skype or FaceTime? Personally I hate that but I don't have kids so have the time to meet in real life.

Noonoo I agree with destiny I'd never have anyone in my house, especially with my kids here.

I'd been seeing my last bf for 5 months and he still hadn't stayed here with the kids, I think you just need to be honest with them, I'm honest from the start and just say it's a bit hit and miss when I'm child free and up to now they've all been fine about it.

Thank you Destiny! I felt like I was falling down a weird rabbit hole where reality was very warped whilst talking with him. The worst thing is that his persona would change at a drop of a hat. The fact he refused to negotiate with me or respect my wishes were telltale enough.

I'm reassured by the words of wisdom here this evening, thank you.

That's why, until now, I've preferred leaving things to RL chance. At least you get to know somebody without all the filters of texting, etc.

Thank you Petal, Destiny & emily for the advice! He came back pretty quickly and said that is more than happy to talk on the phone (gave me his number) and to meet up! Will call him tomorrow and will let you know how it goes!
Also I put his number on my phone and his photo on his whatsapp looks good! (Also kind of within his age! )
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ThisIs* I definitely wouldn't want to go to someone's place on a first date! Just doesn't sound right!

NooNoo Stay safe. I know it is difficult (am single parent myself) but I think it would be safer to meet somewhere public at first.

Outnumbrd Hope you are ok

Destiny What a shame about MrPosh!
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emily & minop* Sounds like things are going very well!!
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Update on MrPosh. He texted me at about 5 tonight saying what a horrid day it was. So we had a bit of chit chat and then I thought fuck it, and said, so when are you going to come see me in my newly decorated bedroom with my new comfy bed? He said not for 2 weeks as he was travelling a lot with work. I said ok cool. ( but thought, but what about bloody weekends?)

Anyhow a few hours later he suggested he come see me on Fri after his work ended ( which is a 25 min drive away ). So guess it's back on..!! 😀

Noonoo I invited an OLD man (Mr Walker) back after a few dates and he stayed the night but DCs weren't home. I know it's not fair that your ex has all the freedom (mine does too and had OW before split), but you need to protect yourself, and DCs, and these men are strangers. Ok after a few dates they're still mainly strangers, but you can do some digging online and find out that they're not obviously nuts.
Could you meet in the day at first?

Destiny and Minop sorry for the disappointment you're going through. It's their loss, but I've been there and it doesn't feel like that at the time.

I'm confused with my love life. Mr Walker texts and seems keen but sometimes he says distant things as though we're arranging the first date and haven't had moose burgers. OR, maybe I should calm down and remember it's only been a couple of weeks and the doubts happen as part of dating?

Destny I missed your update. Yahay!

Quick update and then will need to read back through the thread- moves so quickly.

Thank you all of you that posted and told me to avoid/be wary of my date yesterday. Got caught up in family stuff in the afternoon so was away from my phone. When I switched it on, I had over 30 messages from him! Ranging from 'where are you? Ok? Talk to me' to 'I've told my mum and sister all about you' and 'come to Australia with me'. I actually felt scared and unsafe. So I messaged him to cancel date and say I didn't want to continue. Before I even had a chance to block ( should have looked up how to do this first), he sent a further 5 messages getting increasingly aggressive. Have blocked him on GSM too. I feel relieved but also still slightly scared by the whole thing. He knows the general area I live and work in. Hopefully I'm worrying unnecessarily but I've not felt scared by previous irons. I guess I've been lucky so far! A definite learning curve and really appreciate the advice given here 💐💐

That is scary! Can you report him on GSM too? Hugs to you. X

Just as a precaution dont delete his messages just yet. If he did try to contact you in real life ( which hopefully he won't ), you have them of evidence of harassment.

Claw knowing a general area is unlikely to help him track you down and now you've blocked him he'll probably move on to another unsuspecting victim.

Good you got away early!

Clawdeen, good morning! It's unsettling when that sort of behaviour starts up like that. I'm pretty sure he'll be off looking for another victim now, poor woman.

So, the iron from last night, who I refused to see alone at his place or by the lake at 9pm and who answered with a flippant 'OK, drop it, bye', started bombarding me with texts pas midnight until 1.30. He insisted I come and meet him in the city centre and then we could take it from there. Of course he got narky with me when I didn't agree.

Sigh. Move on.

This how awful! Good job you didn't go meet him. Think it's important to remember that although dating can be fun, we don't know these men and there are some weirdos and abusers out there so we need to always prioritise our own personal safety.

Thought I'd just post this for pp to read, it's early warning signs as to whether a man may turn out to be abusive in a relationship. Red flags to watch out for!

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200812/are-you-dating-abuser

Hi everyone.
I think our problem is that as women we are conditioned to be polite and not offend.
Perhaps we should be more blunt and say fuck off twat rather than offering polite let downs.

I need to take my own advice too on this.

I know on pof there is a section about fist date. In that I stated that a first date would be short, in public and in a well lit area. I can't tell you h
ow many men messaged me askng why I only wanted a short first encounter, why it had to be well lt etc etc.

In the end I sarcastically changed it to 2 weeks in the Bahamas.

Again I think it shows male entitlement.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, let alone strangers on the Internet.

Waving I'm the same. I go for men who are charming and charismatic but it never works out. I don't know how you change your 'type'. I think all you can do is work on your own self esteem. I didn't have a good relationship with my father and so I have some unresolved issues there and I'm often attracted to men who are like him. I don't realise it st first but it's such a subconscious thing it's hard to see it. I'm also more of an extrovert and extroverted men help me come out of myself a bit and I get energy from them. Unfortunately they often end up being quite selfish too!

*meant to write I'm more of an introvert!

I know some pp don't like the 'Why men love bitches' book but if you read it, it's not about being a bitch but about prioritising your own dignity and self respect and not giving that away just for a man. Sometimes men will try and push the boundaries and make you feel bad if you don't let them, so it's important to hang on to your own sense of self and think about what your own needs and wants are and not just go along with what they want.