not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Hi Sorting , why is this too soon?
Are you recently out of a relationship?

If you receive a text, which of the three do you hope it will be (or not be)?
That may help cut it down

Prize and Emily you sound like you're having fun!

waving and nobloody criteria lists may help, I'll do same tomorrow night if still in doubt. Problem is that you only know what they say. So one man can play down strengths (be humble / shy) and another may not mention or initially show major personality weaknesses.

I'm not sure how I feel about being in limbo, won't know how I feel until we meet tomorrow. Getting the paper and pen ready for a criteria list if it goes badly...

Date with The hunk tonight. I'm stupidly excited about seeing him but trying to cool myself down. I really like him and moose burgers are been served.

We have spoke on the phone every day since we started talking last week and if Wednesday's date is anything to go by I'm in for a good night.

We'll see how this pans out. Good luck with all your dates this weekend! Life is too short to be on bad dates or be down about crazy behaviour. Shout next and find someone who makes your insides flutter! Xx

Minop enjoy then spill details after!

Good luck on date tonighf, sounds v promising!

Lilac, thanks for your response. am only a v few months out of dead marriage so bit vulberabke. As for who i most like to hear from? Mr Eligible and Mr Dangerous joint first, for sure. How are you doing?

WavingNotDrowning & NoBloodyMore I am not sure that a requirements list is the best way to go as you don't always know what you need. You do however always know what you don't need so if you are going to write a criteria list I would run a deal breaker list and stick to it.
I think it's all about avoiding the bad at the outset and taking the time to discover the good

Agree, Recycle. Tho personally no idea what I want really atm hence feeling vulnerable.

What do you all do /say re exclusive dating? Dont want to rush/.rebound so would like time to date a few men in my time but MR Eligible already wanting excludivevafter v short time. For now (men quick to fall out of love, i find) But who knows the future? Fear burning bridges if i do this.

Yeah Recycled I agree it would be more a minimum requirements list, I.e them having a job is hugely important to me, even though I'm a professional I tend to be more attracted to tradesmen than suits so income etc not so important but exh was ridiculously flaky about keeping a job.

Also I'm not sure if it's the area (north west) or if it's more the norm these days but the number of 30+ year old men still living at home is scary, and puts me off them slightly.

I'm determined this time not to settle though, feel like I did that in my marriage and last relationship, I'd rather be single and hold out for what I really want.

minop have fun!

Sorting hi, I'm at a similar stage to you and haven't done the whole dating thing before, I think I'm going to hold off as long as possible on the exclusivity because I tend to rush into a relationship with the first person who comes along and I'm not doing that this time.

SortingStuffStill
Ha, I'm not sure that I am the right one to give advice on what to say regarding exclusivity as when I explained the concurrent vs. sequential to an iron I got a rather unfavourable blog post written about me
But for the record here is what I said more or less:
I am not young and free anymore, I am older and have commitments. A result of this is I do not have the time to spend going sequentially from one failed relationship to the next until I find whats right (or settle) like I did in my youth. So I see concurrent dating a more time efficient way to understand what it is I need and be 100% sure that what I am getting involved in is what I want/need. This does not mean I want to mess around, It means that I want to commit 100% so need to be 100% sure. I am in this to find long term happiness not just short term kicks.

As I said it did not get a favourable response (though she did say get back to me when you know what you have made your mind up) so it may be worth just viewing this as what not to say

NoBloodyMore That sounds to me less of a "must have a job" criteria and more of a "must have a good work ethic". If you catch someone with a poor work ethic then you can find them meeting the criteria of "must have a job" and equally someone with a good work ethic could be temporarily in-between but more likely to keep one when they have one.

Waving breaking your own rules straight away?

Or going for the 2/3 as people can move?

WavingNotDrowning I know what you are saying but it's worth analysing all those requirements. What does a "good job" entail? Is it a job that they are happy in or a job that pays well? I would rather have someone with a poorly paid job that they love than a well paid job that they hate. Issues from work tend to overflow to personal life and mini breaks and holidays only makes up for so much...

Hi guys..haven't had a chance to read, life's been rather crazy.
I joined OLD a few months back..I had a few to chat to and went on 1 date but was only interested in 1 who I seemed to bounce off and was very funny. We talked on the phone then met and we've been together since! Yesterday we hit 2 months..all good but I'm shocked it's seemed so easy while I see my friends struggling. We've had the chat about living together and even children and that's where it gets hard. I'm 37..not sure if I do or don't want anymore children. I have 2 who are grown up and was left on my own with them and that's my main fear..its early days but time is ticking as such..I now know he wants one..anyone been in this position ever?!

I'd have to agree with waving, my last one was 5 months too, he'd declared undying love within weeks, we had the future worked out the lot, until he decided overnight that actually he didn't really want everything we'd discussed at all, I've read lots on here saying its red flags to move too fast, I'd now agree.

recycled you are of course right re work ethic, that's harder to judge though isn't it?

I'm not bothered about a good job as such, as long as they can pay their own way I accept that I'll more than likely be the higher Earner, I've got mortgage/kids etc so it's all relative.

waving I also like spa breaks/weekends away etc especially when I'm child free, I've found the 2 I've spoke to so far it's been quite easy to gauge their financial situation to a degree, I don't want rich but don't want permanently poor either!

Oh God this thread is really hard to keep up with and as I'm only reading it on my phone it's hard to scroll down and read everybody's posts!

So bit deflated tonight as ageing goth who was v intelligent and we had a good conversation turned out to be in an ' open marriage'! Had not mentioned this before so was a bit annoyed about that. Although we got on well, I just don't see the point and will tell him that ( or do I keep him on the back burner in case I want a shag in the future...?)

destiny I also struggle scrolling back on my phone.

How annoying! What a waste of your time. Can't believe he omitted to tell you such a major bit of info. I guess what you do all depends on whether you fancy ageing goths!!

Also had an ex from last year texting me tonight asking me if I fancied a last minute meet tonight. Bloody menl! Pissed off with them tonight. In the danger zone of meeting up with the ex who was handsome, intelligent, good fun just v flakey...But hate spending Sat nights alone.

Tell me not to!!!

Pleeze😀😀😀

That's a tough one! I haven't encountered handsome/intelligent/good fun in a long while! Not much help am I ?!

I am currently being bombarded by messages from Tuesday's date mrkent. I only met him for an hour ( ok I drunkenly snogged him at the end) but have been getting 50 plus messages a day. Some flirty, some banal 'what you wearing/eating/thinking right now' and some pretty much planning 'our' future. I was looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow but this bombardment is irritating. Is such over keenness a red flag? I've been reeled in before only to get dumped from a great height so am very wary

Destiny don't do it, old goth or ex!
(Definitely not goth in 'open marriage' as his wife may not know it's open?)

Claw are you replying to the texts to say things like "I'm out for the day will text later" or "very busy speak soon"?
Maybe he thinks you like it?

Claw I think that's a massive red flag. Way too keen! I'd find that amount of texting pretty overwhelming. Planning your future after only an hour of meeting? If you're gonna meet him again definitely do it without alcohol so you can assess his character more clearly.

Ex has been sending me rather suggestive messages. It's my own fault, I got wistful and unblocked him and drunk texted him when a song that reminded me of him came on TV. Bastard dumped me by text last year! He was lovely but was a workaholic and has 3 kids by 2 different women and a massive cock 😀😱😈

Thank you ladies. I did think it was a bit odd. He told me that he's come off GSM and isn't chatting to anyone else, thinks we look good as a couple, planning future weekends, saying he doesn't want to sleep with me until date 6 as he wants this relationship to grow !! He's also projecting how I'm feeling, along the lines of 'I felt an instant attraction and I know you did too, or I want to do xyz and I know you do too' . Actually because he's gone so overboard it's done me a favour. I was initially flattered and replying to his texts but then they got so overwhelming that they started to irritate me and to be honest make me a bit nervous. If I don't reply, I am literally bombarded with 'are you ok?' Texts. In a way I'm finding a bit controlling as he is leaving me very little time to chat to anyone else iron or not. Yes, definitely need to stay sober- a challenge for me there though.
And yes, lesson learnt. Need to stop being so bloody nice and polite and replying to texts in the first place!

Hahaha- just had notification that I'd had a new message from someone on GSM so I logged in. Who do I see logged in - mrkent! So clearly he hasn't come off the site as he said!

Claw that sounds totally overbearing and would be a massive red flag for me, the projecting thing is really concerning, and who the eff is he to say he will sleep with you on date 6, what about what you want? What are you going to do?

I'm so excited to see H&C today, for our weekend together. Hardly got any sleep I'm so excited! Had a lovely long phonecall with him last night as well, which put all my insecurities out of the window. I'm so giddy its ridiculous