not feeling OLD?....dating thread 107

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Yes we are the prize! 🏆😀

You are the prize, but if there is only one person doing all of the heavy lifting it is not a relationship and very quickly becomes a chore!
I have given up with several irons because I got sick of doing all the chasing/initiating and therefor decided they were not invested enough to be worth my while to continue to pursue.
Also having read a lot of the posts on MNet it is easy to see how different peoples perspectives are. I have seen some saying that they need the man to chase them and others saying they don't want constant attention as it looks needy. I think it would be safe to assume that this feeling is reciprocated on the male side, or at the very least may have been changed by encountering differing takes that are encountered.
I am very much in the mindset of do what you feel is right and don't overthink things. If they work out then it was right, if not then it probably wasn't a good match on some level so there is nothing to lose.

Hey everyone...just popping in to say WhatsApp is pure crazy making for dating....I stick with good old fashioned texting/iMessage which is far less of a headfuck Although texting is quite simply my most hated thing about dating. I tend to ignore long response times, never call him on it or double/triple text, not play games or not read into it (easier said than done) and embrace the rubber band theory. I read somewhere that bad texters=good boyfriends and good texters =bad boyfriends. I truly believe men don't give their shit texting style it a second thought, unlike us. What he's like in real life is far more important.

Hope everyone is OK! Things still going splendidly for me 😍

Not heard that theory before so had to google it!

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rethinking-men/201304/the-elastic-band-theory-relationships

My issue with MrP is that I don't know what our relationship status is and it feels too soon to have that discussion. I don't want to ask him to go see a film as if he says no I'll take it as a rejection. I did mention I was having my new bed delivered and it needed assembling but he didn't take the bait!

I hate how needy and insecure I get when I'm seeing someone I like a lot. That's why sometimes I prefer FWBs as I don't get like this. And I just overthink everything!

Also... I don't know what he thinks of me as he hasn't said if he likes me. It's the opposite of what I normally experience which is men saying the right things but their actions don't match their words. This guy does all the right things but hasn't paid me any compliments or anything like that!

Destiny the rubber band theory is not about treating them mean. It basically means at some points in the relationship men will pull away. This is a critical point in a relationship and can make or break. It's something men do subconsciously to either unknowingly test us, or to give themselves space to figure out what they want. If we pull back too and get annoyed and go cold on him and call him on his coldness the band will snap, if we chase try to get him to talk about his feelings and ask him if he's OK the band won't have chance to stretch. If we stay right where we are and give him chance to stretch and stay our lovely sweet selves when he comes back, he'll come back, and closer than he was before. It's a male intimacy cycle. Totally normal. Not about treating them mean at all and I'm not sure if that article was misleading.
Oh and men who are full of compliments are usually insincere douches. I've been out with guys who gave loads of compliments and told me I was wonderful blah blah....they turned out to be knob heads. I've also gone out with non complimentary guy's but when they did say something nice it was far more genuine and natural. MrP sounds sensible he's testing the water, getting to know you before he knows what he wants and can define the relationship so just take it one date at a time.

See I can't stand all these theories and rules, just do what feels natural!

Not rules, it's just well documented psychology.....I find it fascinating.

Prizey thanks for that, very wise and reassuring. I think I'm just scared as I genuinely like this guy, we have a lot in common and get on well and he doesn't have a lot of issues and isn't flakey. Responds to texts and emails quickly, doesn't play games, is my age and it could potentially be a relationship but I don't want to emotionally invest in him or make myself vulnerable until I feel more sure. We've only met twice
( but both times for a long time ), but have texted/ emailed on quite a deep level for nearly a month. So tired of being on dating sites and all the bullshit. I feel ready to stop and develop something real with someone. I don't meet pp like him very often and don't want to fuck it up!

Destiny I'm in a very similar position to you, its scary because I like him so much and don't want to fuck it up either. It feels right with him and he also responds to texts, doesn't play games, etc and he is so fucking hot he makes me melt . Just don't overthink, be yourself and enjoy your dates one by one and see where it leads, don't think about the future - enjoy the present, as long as you have dates in the diary don't get hung up on the communication in between.

The part I find the hardest is working out whether someone just wants to have sex with you

username well if you want to, just have sex with him....You'll find out pretty soon after that if he's only interested in one thing 😂

No I won't do that anymore, for various reasons it is no longer for me! I used to like it but in the last few years I have haven't been able to enjoy sex without real true intimacy. even good sex has still made me feel cold and detached. I have to have the trust there, so that I can enjoy myself. I don't even mind now if I go years without it. I had plenty anyway in my youth

I get the very clever ones who don't make it so blatant they just want sex, so it's very hard to see through it.

Well then equally they will be prepared to wait until you reach that level of intimacy.

I just am not of the school of thought that it is something to be 'given up and awarded' after a period of good behaviour.

No me either. No one has to earn it I just have to feel really comfortable before it will happen that's all. Everyone has different levels of comfort. I'm even now I'm older reluctant to let someone in my house I don't really know, or go to their house if I don't know them.

I think I seem to get involved with clever men who say all the right things that they don't mean that's all. So I am trying to avoid those ones.

So could I have some advice from the wise people of the dating thread - apologies in advance for being all about me!

I have seen one guy twice and going to his for a meal this weekend as he is skint at the mo which is fine. Get on well lots in common all good apart from not sure if he is my type physically but thought i would see if that grows. I have done a little facebook stalking as you do and he liked a bbw group - I am overweight but aiming to lose it, lost 3 stone already feel loads better and intend to lose another 2 stone which will make me normal weight - would you worry he only likes bigger women? Would you bring it up or not - he also mentioned someone he used to go out with who I vaguely know and she is a very big woman which makes me think it is his thing if you get what I mean

Also friends etc seem to think we are now going out as i have seen him a few times which is making me feel bad about seeing anyone else - he hasnt been back on pof as far as I can see but another guy from there has asked me out on Friday - would you go?

I am not usually this indecisive but dont usually have as much choice in men-obviously losing three stone has widened my appeal which is a bit annoying in itself but a whole other discussion lol.

Waving - I am probably over thinking this - honestly you would think I was 17 rather than 47 but I feel like a complete novice at this!

Sounds like your date was a bit of a nightmare but two dates in one night is pretty good going for someone who has only just restarted the dating game ! Onwards and upwards - have you many more people you are chatting to?

Yeah I like Amy Young been watching a few of her videos! I may join you in the drinking and then things will become more clear lol!

Hate the ghosting so annoying and usually the ones you like most!

petal I'd be worried he's invited you to dinner at his because he's a 'feeder'! You don't want someone who's going to keep you overweight if you don't want to be. I think it's fine to discuss it, even in just a lighthearted way.

Waving sorry about your really bad date. It happens sometimes and us a good reminder why we need to not get over invested in someone before you've met for real! Oh well, every bad date is a good anecdote later on!

Petal- I would go on a date with the second man.
As for the first one, I would mention something over dinner. Something along the lines of "oh that's enough for me thanks, I'm hoping to loose some weight, I've already lost 3 stone so I'm really happy that I'm heading in the right direction."

What him closely and gauge his reaction. He might even tell you he prefers larger women.

Waving- at least you have got rid of the weird guy.

Sounds like some good ideas I will go with the flow and mention it casually - there is no way I am putting this weight back on for anyone!