Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

Hi All, we're all surviving and that's what matters.
I won't see him again either. I keep thinking maybe he'll contact me tomorrow as it's my birthday but I guess that's just because I'd like to think he'd remember.
I haven't yet divorced my husband and we separated two years ago. We don't share anything so I can't yet be bothered and yesterday he left a present and card saying he still hopes we'll get back together (I don't want to). I can see how in the past though with low self esteem I would have for the wrong reasons.

As awful as my recent experience has been I think it all happened when it was meant to, if it hadn't I wouldn't have found this thread, I wouldn't have realised I needed to change what I thought of myself and my life and wouldn't have the future I can have now.

Does anyone else still hold the hope the ex will get back to us, apologise, want us back? I'm daydreaming I know but there is part of me that still hasn't let go

Yes. Me. But it's only just happened. He's asked DD1 if she thought I'd have him back, he told her about us getting together, but they're all just words to get her to feel sorry for him. She knows what he's done and jn no way blames me for our split even though she knows I made the decision. I pointed out that if you really truly want someone / your family back in your life, you'd not be stubborn like him, you'd fight for your life to get them back. You wouldn't let them slip away.

It's a double edged sword for me. I want that so much but yet I also know that he's betrayed me so so much and it'd be wrong to have him back. Maybe we need to be properly apart, totally separate lives, and who knows some months or year down the line, we may reconnect, but I doubt it, so much has happened.

It's our wedding anniversary on the 5th and my birthday on the 7th. I'm dreading both dates.

I hope he wants me back (not husband) but then my husband wants me back and I don't want to so I'm experiencing both sides of it.
Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary too (as well as my birthday) so it is a strange day.
I'm heading out with a friend very early so I don't have time to dwell in the morning.
Lippyliz, I think you're doing really well. It took me a long time to come to terms with my first husband cheating and us divorcing.

I can't possibly take him back either, I would be a fool. My challenge is to rewrite the less attractive things about him. I think I'm going to write him a letter but not send it. I'm perhaps still in a bit of denial

I'm the same waving, I'd be letting myself in for a whole load of heartache if he ever begged for forgiveness. I'm overthinking at mo, since we got back off holidays on Monday, he's bombarded the eldest (and youngest but she's not responding) with texts but today he hasn't text her since 3pm which suggests he's preoccupied and that makes me wonder what he's preoccupied with, is it OW who he hasn't seen since June, or is it something else - work possibly - he has his own business. Trying not to think about it

Waving - according to many I should have sent him packing when I found out he'd kissed the OW and he admitted he was in love with her, but no, four more times I let him mess me about, so not acceptable anymore and after 14 years together it really hurts. I wish I knew what was keeping him preoccupied right now. Actually no i don't really do I...,

I did have a list but I can't find it. Perhaps I'm not putting enough 'work in' to get over him? im just not focused.
You have at least tried Lippy- must be soul destroying for you ex to say he is in love with someone else. Thinking about you.

Yes when I found out about the full affair in June, he said he was in love with her (it wasn't about the sex - it was the connection), didn't think he wanted to be a full time dad, or a husband and could never see himself without her in his life and expecting me to be accept all that. I just listened and came home and sobbed my heart out. He rang me the next day to thank me for listening and wasn't I a wonderful woman...

I am sooo angry on your behalf Lippy.. So angry! How dare he?!! What an absolute bas&@£d.. You will be fine and you will meet someone worthy of you.

Thanks apple. Nearly bedtime thank goodness and day one (again) of not looking st Twitter and FB

Strangely.. After 2 year split I still look at my ex ex's Facebook to see if he's updated pic etc. I have no idea why, I have no interest in getting back with him. I think it's just habit

Hi all. Split from boyfriend today. He doesn't love me. Heartbroken.

Welcome PF.. And you're not a PF. It's very hard. Stick with us through the ups and downs.. It bloody hurts and you're just at the start.. Feel free to rant away

Thank you so much. Together 16 months. He seemed to really love me at the start but he cooled rapidly.

I have a tight panicky feeling in my chest. Day 1 no contact today.

You can do it. Keep yourself busy.

I can't quite have zero contact cos we're emailing about finances but it's only once per day it would seem. I'm classing it as no contact though. It's taking a lot of effort not to check his Twitter or drive past where he's staying. I'd get an indication of whether he was away and then I'd think he was with OW who he's still denying he's in contact with, I'm managing but it's incredibly hard. Today is day 2 for me. Going to mum's (she tires me out though yawn) for lunch with DDs so at least that gets me out for a bit then back to the dreaded workplace tomorrow. I love my job but I'm not in the mood. Routine will be good though and even better when'd DDs are back at school next week.

Good luck for today

You do sound so much better waving. I've had a cry this morning. I really am very sad. I should have known really. He'd been with his ex 11 years. They had a son together. They got married and 6 months after the wedding she had an affair and got pregnant. He begged her to stay, said he'd bring the baby up as his own. She left for the other man and 4 months later he met me. He would often say I was similar to her. He mentioned her name on our first date and it should've been a red flag but I ignored it. He would do DIY for her, saying he wanted his son to have a nice house.