Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

Lippy, you have given him a chance already. would you consider counselling together? I really don't know why he would risk being in contact with ow. He wouldnt do that if something for him wasn't lacking in your relationship? You deserve more.

I know. I'm not in a position to go to counselling. He's had more than one chance and each time he just took it a step further. I need a period, and I think he does too, of being on our own. Totally. The thing is I couldn't trust him not to contact OW. I'm sure I'd come to the same end decision anyway.

I mean, I'm mentally not in a photo on to face it all again at counselling. Not yet anyway.

So he's had more than one chance and he's blown it each time.. You don't trust him..
I think you're right.. Time alone. I do believe if it's meant to be then it comes back together?

I'm the same Apple. I'm a great believer in fate, but hell, what a shit way to work out which path your life is meant to take.

I'm divorced after 13 years together and had 2 relationships since.. I hate heartache makes me wonder if it's worth giving love a chance I've been so hurt..

I know I'm hugely late to the party but I'd like to join you all for NC if that's ok?

Welcome Cakey..

Hello cakey

Thanks Apple.

I'm starting NC today and I'm struggling already.

Split from ex 4 weeks ago and we've been 'friends' since. Mainly because he pushed for it. I ended the relationship and felt/feel massively guilty for hurting him so I agreed to staying in touch. It was OK to start but he clearly felt he could change my mind. He's started to get a bit annoyed at me for sticking to my guns I think.

We had another overly emotional text exchange today and I just can't do it again. Told him we need to forget the friends thing and just leave it and I've blocked him on everything but I'm feeling so shit now though.

I know I'm going to miss him and I am worried about him but its for the best.

Hi Liz [happy]

Apple, have you heard of meetup? It's a site/app that has local groups for all kids of interests.

I joined it a month ago with the view to doing one thing each week for myself. I've joined groups for people interested in walking, pub dinners, singles, independent women, parenting,and just social ones.

So far I've been bowling, for lunch, to a 70s party and I'm out for cocktails tomorrow. The first one was a bit odd but I've had so much fun and it's really good knowing you've got something fun coming up.

messed up the smiley sorry!

It is very difficult at the start Cakey.. The friends thing just doesn't work and no contact is the only way. Why did you split?
I've woken up thinking about him..

Thanks for the suggestion of meetup, I haven't heard of it but I'll have a look

Morning.

I'm thinking of him too today. I hate that we've left things on such bad terms but every time I felt we were moving forward as friends he would start some big thing about us being so good together and is not given him any real reasons for ending it.

I ended it because he couldn't tell me he wouldn't go back to his ex if she asked.

That started it but ultimately I started to realise I didn't see us being together long term.

Waving you were so positive yesterday....... You need to get that back. You cannot look him up full stop. No typing his name into any search engine on any app. Ignore it if you see him. Zilch, you will never move on until you break this cycle. It's the hardest thing to do. I know, but you have to do it.

I have not looked at H's account for five full days and for the first couple I was on the verge of caving, but not now. I've not looked on OW's either. I did look on her husbands though (we're friends) but then I saw her name and I felt anxious so I'll not be doing that again.

Note to all/self. Do not repeat doing anything that makes you anxious or sad or negative. It serves no purpose. We need to cut it out of our lives.

This is incredibly hard for me to do so please don't think it's easy for me. My H wants me back after repeated betrayal, I still love him and would love to be a family again, but I can't trust him. I have to remove him from my life for quite sometime until I have healed before I can truly decide what I want. That is hard, I'm not trying to go NC with someone who doesn't want me, I'm trying to go NC with someone who does (he says) want me and is someone I still want (his former self) to a degree.

Temptation to have him back is being put in my way, by him. We have to be strong. We will not move forward otherwise. Have a good positive day.

Catch you all later

I did give him plenty of reasons. He just wouldn't listen to them I think.

He kept trying to get me to say he was awful, a bastard etc. I don't understand why but he really kept pushing for that.

You are right Liz. We need to break these cycles.

I hope everyone has a positive day. Stay strong!

It actually wasn't that long. 4 months but it was very intense.

It went a bit fast but we got on very well from the very first date.

We talked all day everyday. Spent all our spare time together. In retrospect it was all a bit too much too soon and we skipped really getting to know each other and have space inbetween to process things we were learning.

Not categorically no, I was put on the spot. I'm very weak when it comes to him. I did say that I needed space and the more he pushed, the more I said it. That was a big step for me, to stand my ground as much as I did.

He's not messaging DDs about me. The only thing he's messaged her that includes me is 'missing you all'. She was too busy with friends and so didn't respond. She's seeing him tomorrow for a little bit so I'll see how that goes.