Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

Glad you're feeling better too Hare.

Ah Jenny I got the day wrong (my head is all over the place) - good luck this evening. Great experience, whatever happens. You are doing it for yourself now, and that is a great step forwards even if it doesn't feel like it.

I'm impressed you're on Tinder, I'm too scared!

Waving I'm so proud of you. Keep on with the positivity, you've done the right thing. Stick with it, do not give in to temptation, for each day you succeed will make you all the more stronger x

Funnily enough, I've had a confusing day. H wanted to meet. I agreed so long as he revealed the truth. He couldn't wait so rang me and told me the truth. I felt more betrayed and then confused. He kept asking if there was any way back, I eventually said, no I don't think so, which he wasn't expecting. Then I felt bad, but now I'm fine again. It's all emotional stuff. Very hard. Back happy again and not going to meet him tomorrow.

Stick with it, keep busy until you break the habit x

Waving, I think you're right. We have to actively not give them head space.

Liz, I'm glad you told him that as I don't think men get that there are consequences.
I've spent the evening with a lot of very excited and nervous girls mostly in their twenties and realised it was wonderful to see how excited about life they are. It was really refreshing. They were all singing and taking photos, just being in the moment and found it hilarious I didn't know the music. It was a wonderful escape from real life and I thought that's how I want to be, just happy living in the moment.

I do need space waving but to be honest I'm not really thinking of taking him back. It's so easy to get carried away when you hear the right words, but I've heard them before and I have to keep telling myself that and that he's failed me and betrayed me each time. Stick with the positivity, and yes accept invitations because if you don't, people will stop inviting you.

Jenny glad you are also sounding more positive.

It's time to kick ass and get our lives back

Morning all, we all seem much stronger. I hit my lowest point on Tuesday. I'm asking myself, why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? Am I not worth more than that? Am I not worth someone who is into me, who doesn't lie, who genuinely cares and isn't afraid to show it? Why would I waste time and headspace on this person rather than concentrate on getting myself in good shape to meet the right person..
So that's where I am now.
I've had texts from ex, he's just the same, non commital, bland, no open questions. Why is he even bothering?
Strength to you all. I think we are doing a fab job supporting each other.
Waving- I think work/ routine helps and I'm sure it will get better once kids back at school too.
Jenny- you have beauty on your side inside and out.
Lippy- you really do deserve better than how your H has treated you, you know that.
KOKO

Apple, I had to ask those questions of myself too. Keep asking them to keep yourself up. I think you're getting to a better place if you can ask them.
Waving, yay to you going out and in a swimsuit! Especially if you are getting fit.
Liz, I admire your strength now in knowing what's he's done.
I had a dream about him last night which has left me feeling quite disturbed. I'm going to remind myself of just how awful he made me feel. I can see how illogical it seems to people that I can be involved in an event where I had quite a few photographers taking pictures and that lots of men would want to meet me and I've got stuck on wanting one man who didn't want me, treated me badly and to be honest isn't as objectively good looking as some other guys I could meet. I don't understand why.
I think because I went to sleep late and had a mad evening. I'll find out in a few days how I did.

JennyMe, mad isn't it.
I've been on a date, had a ons and been asked on another date since we ended yet I still think about HIM. He's treat me badly, been emotionally unavailable, I don't understand why I am how I am. Perhaps it's because he was an 'escape' for me. It's also not 'real' as he isn't here..perhaps it because I was pregnant to him, that extra bond.
I'm going out with a friend this afternoon and tomorrow and out tomorrow night.
I've started writing a journal and Jenny you're right. I think I should write those questions down and put them on my front door to remind myself before I step outside into the world!

Waving, I would question what kind of a 'man' would be with a woman half his age and close to the age of his children? I don't know, it just doesn't feel 'right' to me? And of course it won't last.
Think it's natural to think about them so don't beat yourself up.
You sound so much better and positive and are at least getting yourself out there. Id love to meet more people but my self esteem is low
I just feel back to square one.. I seem to have a mini breakdown whenever a relationship ends.

Well done waving, it will move you forward even if nothing comes of them. I just don't feel ill find anyone suitable and I worry because of the way I feel that I'll attract the right kind. I'm out tomorrow night, a few weeks back I met the lovely guy I had the ons with, so who knows what is around the corner. I'm not ready to be completely open to it at the moment.
Waving, has he moved area yet do you know? Did you say you could potentially bump into him at work?

Gosh, you all sound pretty positive today, that is really great.

I think I am moving to a better place - slowly. Or maybe not even slowly. When my last long term relationship broke up I realised he was simply unable to feel emotions or act on them the way I needed so I fairly quickly got over him. I think I'm at the point with XH where I'm realising the same thing - he's not even choosing not to want me; he just can't. If he's not capable of sustaining a LTR (not without substantial work from himself) then - no, it's not my fault, there isn't anything I can do or even could have done, and it's time to just walk away from the car crash. I think I can do it now.

Hare, I'm still very up and down but feeling better. Like you, he wasn't able to give me what I needed. I felt like I was fighting for him all of the time. I have to accept I wasn't right for him but I do think he could have been right for me- if he wanted me.
Hare, I'm blaming myself for it, like I'm inadequate in some way and not good enough. I really need to get out of that mindset- of blaming myself.

Apple, it is so so hard to stop blaming ourselves somehow - I think that is why accepting that if they don't want us they are just not right for us, however right they feel in terms of potential - it's only potentially right, not actually right. But I am THE WORSSSSSST person for taking this advice!!!

I've been out with a friend this afternoon but feel very distant.. Very detached.. I really just don't feel understood. I really wish I could meet more people and make more friends..
Hare yes it is hard. I feel those who I get close to always leave.. Then I'm left to get on with it- on my own. I blame myself thinking, 'what's wrong with me?'..
Very true wrt being potentially right and actually right. I'm feeling sad again

I've had a very up and down day. Speaking to H last night and having him admit his latest betrayal of staying in touch with OW has unsettled me. I knew it was true but hearing him admit it and admit he's seen her once briefly in June, and it was him who made contact, really saddened me. It unsettled me that he wanted to try yet again and declared love for me.

He is uncertain of his feelings though I'm sure. He thought that by admitting things that we'd be able to start again. Again. But I can't do that. Not after everything. What's not to say that in a week he won't be back on the phone to OW, not giving me the attention I deserve and making me insecure yet again. It would be a decision I'd regret. But yet, there's always that element of doubt.

I will continue to be strong but that doesn't mean my heart isn't breaking all over again (a bit).