Opening up for happiness

[hareinthemoon]

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

Good luck with the competition Jenny. It sounds fab. Sorry that so many of us are still feeling low. Day 2 of no contact for me today but I will have to see him tomorrow as he's finishing some work on my house.
Sorry you are feeling so low apple. It comes in waves, grief.
I am very sad today too, after a bit of a high yesterday. He hasn't made me happy for a while though and I need to remember that.

I have just had a huge argument with my mum in front of my ds. It was awful. I think my anger is coming out and I feel dreadful now. She just looks at me in dismay, blames me, denies things she has previously said.
I'm taking ads but I'm wondering if they are having an adverse affect.
Think depression comes in many forms, I'm normally very motivated even when depressed. I don't think anyone knows the true extent of how I feel. I cope, I get on with it, have a clean tidy home, I work.

Hi everyone. Happy birthday for yesterday Jenny and good luck for the competition.

I'm sorry lots of us are feeling so low. I haven't been on here as I've just felt as if I'm walking around with no skin on at all. So low. Like there has been no point to my life at all.

I am going to write the list of good things and bad things about the relationship, and then the list of what opportunities have been created by the breakup. I think somewhere in my psyche I am still committed to my wedding vows and I'll have to do something to signal to myself that it's time to let them go.

I hope you all feel better soon.

Apple there is an interesting article in the Guardian today about the show Fleabag and how there are no angry role models for women - it made me think about it (again) - I often wonder about the relationship between anger and depression.

Thanks, the thread is really helping me. I think I'm close to a break down but am not going to let that happen. I've arrived at work, puffy eyes, feel terrible but somehow how to get through it. I'll be back later tonight.

Oh Apple. Hope your day is ok.

Waving I never thought I would feel this lonely. I don't know if it's for him or for someone. I don't feel as if I can even countenance starting again with someone so perhaps it's just fear or laziness or lack of imagination that makes it about him. But I work alone, I live alone, I've moved to a place where I have to start again with friends, and I haven't been touched lovingly (not even sex) for so long I feel as if I've shrivelled up.

I really wish I was handling this better.

I meant - it's not even about sex, it's about basic human touch. Or friendly touch of any kind...Even a pet might help, but my life is too unpredictable at the moment for that.

Waving we were married for 17 years but 10 years in his business failed and I think I just started to represent failure and commitments he couldn't escape from then on. From that time I became progressively more lonely as he became more depressed and angry - I mean he wasn't angry with me but his anger at the business situation became turned inward and into depression - at least that's what it felt like. I kept hanging on - I married for better or for worse and was hoping that better would come along - but I think I am still unconsciously holding on to my vows. I need to do something to make myself understand that it is over now. Still, after everything that's happened and after all this time, I wish for another ending. I don't even mean I want him back. I think I want to change the past and make it have worked out differently. Obviously I have not the slightest hope of controlling the past, but that's what it feels like.

God I'm repeating myself now

That's what it's like in my head, I'm so alone with this. I just keep going over the same old ground on a loop, there's no resolution. It's so wearing.

Once I went for a haircut and the hairdresser started washing my hair and I'd been so starved of human touch for so long I started to cry. I feel fragile like that quite a lot.

Thanks all for the support. It will hopefully be a fun night.
It is very strange being involved and honestly when I look at pictures of myself, it's like looking at someone else. I've felt very lonely and inadequate inside and I realise now how lonely I felt even in the last two years.
I think I'm gradually getting comfortable being by myself but yesterday was awful.
Someone said to me recently that some friends might find it difficult seeing some of my pictures if they feel insecure and I surprised myself by how angry I felt because no one considers how painful I find it to see people's happy family holiday photos on Facebook. I've never had a happy family situation, let alone a happy holiday situation and I've realised I find it almost physically painful to see other's photos especially as it's just ds and I. I try not to look now. I've been holding on to that one for ages, I just had to let it out.

Last year I had a couple of my husbands friends message about how dreadful it was that I had left him (they didn't know they had mistakenly included me in the group conversation) and I realised how judgemental people can be with having absolutely no idea of what has gone on behind closed doors. Amongst many issues he was forceful in a number of ways which just wasn't acceptable. I think that was the loneliest I've every felt that no one could understand what had happened. I think that's what makes me feel lonely too.
I'm still reading the fantasy book by Natalie Lue, she hits the nail on the head every time.

Morning all.
Feeling slightly better today, although very tired. Work definitely does help. I'm off for a few days and thought about taking my ds camping, something I haven't done before on my own. Not sure I'm quite in the state of mind for it.
Surprisingly I had a text from him, a reply to mine, didn't involve anything emotional just asked how a project is going. I haven't replied as yet, we aren't going anywhere, we live miles apart. Why did I get involved in the first place?
I understand that alone feeling. Once ds back at school I'll arrange counselling.
Hare- why not try a message?
Jenny- good luck in your competition.
Waving- did you refrain from texting?

Hare- I meant massage..

Hi waving. I'm very pleased you didn't text him yesterday. You feeling like this will only end when you let go of the hope of the dress, of any text message from him and once you stop thinking about him and what he could be doing. I made a decision on Saturday night to no longer check his or her Twitter account or Facebook account. I'v wavered but I stopped. It's only been 3 full days but I'm feeling stronger already, much stronger. He's even been in touch to say how sorry he is and how much he loves and misses me. He's text me to ask me to meet him and to attend counselling with him. I haven't responded so now he's sending me photos of us all together. I'm not sure if I want to meet him but really and I mean this with kindness, it's time to stop letting him consume your thoughts. I'm really proud of how long you've gone NC for, the next step is to stop looking at her Twitter and to delete his contact from your phone. It's holding you back. Have a good day xx

I think the thing to do is not to pressure yourself waving over where you 'should' be.. You are where you are..
I'm not sure how I'll respond. Strangely I feel some comfort in it but I know we won't get back together. I've had a ons since and I don't think I could ever tell him that.
I think I'm going to take off with my ds camping, I have no idea what I'm doing but it would be a distraction/ learning experience?

Waving - been on holiday on my own for the last 7 years with ds! Just not done camping alone before. I've just put tent up in back garden (bought in sale) and one of the poles is broken good job I had a practice run. See, it's things like this I wish I had someone to share with.
If nothing else I'm completely distracted.
You're sounding much better today waving.

Morning all!

I feel a bit better today, though that may well be as I could hardly have felt worse...my aim is to stop this bouncing between anger and sadness and get to something that is not reactive and about him.

Apple - I have found the local beauty college and they do cheap massages - I am going to look into that when I get back from my work travels (taking up most of the second half of September). I think it will be important - and good.

Waving - the thing that I keep getting from the counselling is that there is no time scale at all for getting over things. It just takes as long as it takes. In fact the big thing for me to accept is that the answer in most cases to the interminable questions starting with "Whyyyyy...?" is simply - "it just is". This is REALLY hard for me - but I will just keep trying acceptance. I don't think I could have a casual relationship but I think I might join some clubs.

Jenny - how was it???

Hope you all have a great day.

Glad Apple and Waving you're feeling a bit better. Today is a good but strange day, the comp is this evening. I feel a bit sad that he doesn't even know I made it through as he really encouraged me to go for it but hay ho, if he was meant to know, he would. Anyway, onwards and upwards.
I think there is no time frame as to how we progress, just know that every day is a little step forward.
I had a few messages on Tinder (never thought I'd go on there), I've replied to a few but a lot more objectively than I would have before (if that's the right expression), knowing they are only messages, whereas before I would have been reading all kinds of things about the future into them.