feeling fragile-sex on second date and he hasnt called!

[sallybee30]

hi all, feeling very foolish as I slept with this man too soon and presume I'm not going to hear now..
background is , I'm 48, been out of the dating game for a while and joined an introduction agency a few months ago which is pretty expensive presumably to stop time wasters etc. have met several men with occasional dates, all fine but didn't want to take them any further-until this one-we chatted on the phone a few times then met him and just thought"wow"-he told me he also was really pleasantly surprised and after several calls/texts arranged dinner, a really amazing night out with a choice of really lovely restaurants with cocktails first. I thought the date was going really well and he was really keen -we then went back to his as it was very close by and ...did the deed. I did say it was a bit soon and he said what did it matter, then seemed to cool a bit and eventually got me a cab home ,kissed me and texted me to check I got home ok and he had a great night-but no other plans. this was Monday night and I've heard nothing. the agency does have members etiquette rules and I know they will be asking us both for feedback soon but just cant help feeling it was a premeditated plan to get laid. if so why not just go to a bar? he is extremely attractive, wealthy and sociable. have I just been played? sorry its so long I'm a newbie poster!!!

Absolutely don't text. They've had sex, he's hardly in the dark about her feelings.

If he responds now when texted it'll be another one night stand.

Do not text! No response is a response. Check out Amy Cuddy on you tube.

I really dont get why the op can't text, what's all this getting played?! It's just a text! It isn't a game, he'll respond or he won't that's it and why assume if he does it'll lead to sex?! Men aren't simple, they are human beings like us and are all different , and react differently to situations, just like us. What is wrong with being a ballsy woman and taking control?! He can text back or not, but don't play games op, I'm amazed some people get through the day without analysing every little thing.

I cannot believe that some posters think he might be waiting and hoping to get a text from OP. That is extremely unlikely, he's not a shy teenager.

And why can't men be shy?! I know plenty of them, my dh included, if it was up to him we'd never have got together! , as he was and is shy... Not all men are the same! And it's just a text!

Crikey Moses. It's like a youth club in here.

OP, you're an adult, if you like him and want to see him again - text him.

Work out what you want and if he can't / won't provide that walk away.

You're not 16, you don't have to sit around waiting for him to be in charge, there are no 'rules'. Decide what you want and act on it.

Toocold, if you met your DH through a dating agency and he's attractive, sociable, and wealthy then fair play to you.

Absolutely don't text. They've had sex, he's hardly in the dark about her feelings.

Don't get this at all, they BOTH had sex, not sure why this means he is clear about her feelings but not her about his? Surely we are not still making these old fashioned assumptions in 2016?

Nope I didn't meet him through a dating agency but he is attractive, sociable, and does ok for himself.. With my support but it is 2016 and why is a dating agency any different from anywhere else, why can't you text someone from a dating agency?! ...like life I expect it contains variables of different men and women...I know it does as my sister met her partner from one..she is ballsy and won't sit around waiting for a text but text herself, nothing to lose by sending a simple text. I had to literally tell my dh I liked him, I risked rejection but that's life and I'd have just moved on had that been the case.

Thankfully I met DH on old and we really clicked.

We emailed for 6 weeks first before meeting . I always got a email from him every day. That showed consistency and the sort of loyal man he is.
Let's say we took things very slowly. We were both mid fifties but we knew after 5 weeks ( probably sooner than that ) that we wanted to be together.

There was no rush. He had his job and dogs I had my friends and family.

I look back at that lovely time with such fond memories. Getting dressed up to just see him and have a date...he did the same.

Magic!

We had a lovely courtship op. it was a very, very special

That's lovely Dowser but I would bet you that if you'd shagged each other senseless the first time you met, you would still be together now. Not because of how long you waited before getting your kit off, but because you are right for each other.

I really think people need to drop the idea of 'holding out' on sex because if not the man might be put off. It's not the 1950's anymore, and if any men really do still think like dinosaurs, who would want to be with them anyway?

Toocool I doubt he is shy considering he got his dick out on the second date!!

Lovely story Dowser but have to agree Badtaste If a man likes you whether you dtd on first date or a year later will make no difference whatsoever.

Agree with scuttle & badtaste
The length of time is irrelevant these days. OLD/Tinder has been a real game changer for people just after sex. Waiting almost seems prehistoric & if someone's into you, theyre into you. And that's not a euphemism

I'm going to go against the grain here and say text him OP. You already seem halfway to being over it anyway so what harm will one possible ignored text do?

And then if he doesn't reply, his loss, hopefully he has a really shit holiday

Don't text him. I repeat do not text him! He gave the game away saying that he is going on holiday for 3 weeks - bit of a coincidence and how often do people go away for 3 weeks?

DO. NOT. TEXT

Seriously the OP is already feeling shit about him not getting in touch. He will NOT reply or if he does his response will be lukewarm and will only serve to make her feel more shit.

I know that on MN different rules apply to the REAL WORLD but if a man is interested, he will let you know in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.

All those saying text I would bet my life on it that they aren't experienced in 'modern' dating.

Leave it now OP, you will feel better far quicker if you retain your dignity. Texting him will just prolong the agony.

The only book that helped my friend with OLD was 'He's just not that into you' because the above situation would happen to her again and again, she'd meet someone, get on really well, perhaps a couple of dates, have sex, he'd not necessarily disappear, but hang about for a booty call or saying things like 'I think we should carry on dating other people'. The book helped her see that people who are really into you aren't too busy to call/dating lots of other people/coming around at 11pm at night/flaky and unreliable, keeping you on the back burner.

I think OLD can be pretty tough, and often a lot of men behave like they are in a sweet shop full of candy, waiting for the next bauble to be presented.

If you don't need this crap in your life, then I think I'd hold back on having sex, not to manipulate, but to protect yourself emotionally (or have sex for the fun of it but not as a start to a relationship)- and read this book and go in with your eyes wide open.

OP, this really sounds like he's just not that into you. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's doesn't mean you're not good in bed. Sex on second date doesn't mean you're loose either. This is a reflection of him and who he is. I suspect that telling you he'll be on holiday soon was actually a way of giving himself an out. Please be gentle with yourself. I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately it's quite common. 🌹🌹

Yeah I agree. He is not that into you.

It's always been this way pillows. I'm from pre Internet days and we used to date randoms from pubs. Same shit.

At least now we don't have the lost my number/ doesn't know where I live/ forgot my surname excuses. He knows where you are and he knows you're into him. If he's into you, he'll make contact.

The 'shy' thing only works prior to arranging a first date. If he's really shy, you might be the one suggesting you meet up, fair enough. But after you've met up, had a great time, shagged each other and expressed an interest in doing it again, you can't blame shyness.