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Original poster

Upset regarding holiday

174 replies

Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 09:21

Name changed for this and am a long time mumsnetter!

Me and dp have been togther 6 years, lived together 4, i hav 4 kids from previous relationship (8, 11, 13 & 18) he has 2 (13 & 11) we have 1 dd together whos 19 months.
He has his 3 nights every other weekend and every wed night.
Good relationship all rpund, we r a well blended family, he gets lots of time alone with his too.

This year we agreed he would take his 2 on holiday alone, stressed he needs time alone and it would b good to hav a holiday just him and his kids.
We agreed.
Let me add he would b leaving our dd with me, shes a big daddys girl so its a big thing for her.

He left yesterday (camping) for his bonding one on one quality time week holiday, which i dont mind, i totally agree they needed this time.

Dp has just called me from camp site to say arrived safe, and that his friend has arrived aswell but his 4 other friends (couple with kids) would arrive tomoz for the wk.
I bloody fuming, and very hurt!
He didnt want me there cause he needed times with his kids and then invited 5 other families.

OP posts:
Original poster
Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 14:06

Clam i havnt said anywhere 5 families!
I have said 2 families (2 lots of husband/wife so 4 friends) plus a single male friend of the group so total 5 friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 14:09

hes hopefully going to face time our dd tonight as iv asked him to, shes missing him, i wont raise our issues though, thats best left till hes home.

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/08/2016 14:14

Yanbu, I would be raging and hurt, I have nothing to offer only to say that you actually sound like a lovely wife, mam and step mam I think, I think it's lovely you wanted them to have time alone and despite your hurt you will say nothing for their sake too

NuffSaidSam · 07/08/2016 14:21

I'm really surprised how many people are upset/angry/outraged that he didn't want his 19 month old there!

They can be a real pain when doing more 'grown up' activities. When you have large age gaps, you often do stuff separately. It's really not some terrible slight!

When she is 11 her siblings on her dads side will be 20 and 22. There's every possibility she'll go camping with Dad without them there. It's not an issue.

The only issue is that he lied. (If he did, I'm still not entirely sure on that)

It's fine to go away without all the DC.
It's fine to do this with other families.
It's even fine to have a drink round the campfire in the evening and leave the DC to entertain themselves for an hour mid-morning (which may be what happened - it's being painted here that he got completely pissed and is passed out in the tent!! Maybe he was up early making breakfast with his DC and now he's having an hour off!)

This is one of those thread where if the genders were reversed, it would a completely different set of responses.

loveyoutothemoon · 07/08/2016 14:39

So there's another toddler there and a single man? Maybe a single female too that he just happens to mention after the event.

clam · 07/08/2016 14:43

Popsicle in your opening post you said He didn't want me there cause he needed times with his kids and then invited 5 other families.

Original poster
Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 14:58

Lol had to check that clam but i did ur right, my mistake meant to say 5 friends Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 15:04

Iv calmed down aboutbit now, no point staying peed off, there gone for a whole week so i wont ponder on it!
Dsd keeps sending me funny little messages, daddy burnt the sausages, daddy forgot to pack knickers, lol, can i top up her phone Grin

OP posts:
Blu · 07/08/2016 15:38

I can see you feel more left out given the family nature of the trip.
It's still a trip he has gone on with his older two, though.
He should have talked it through properly with you.

NuffSaidSam · 07/08/2016 15:39

'Maybe a single female too that he just happens to mention after the event.'

This is extremely unhelpful!!

Why plant that in the OP's mind? There is absolutely nothing to suggest that's the case. She's already said she doesn't want to upset the DC by bringing it up while they're away so she's got to wait a week to talk to him. Just why? Such a nasty post!

(Also, we don't know for sure on the other toddler).

Memoires · 07/08/2016 15:41

Well, I'd think that as daddy is actually there, then he can at least top up her phone himself.

siapo · 07/08/2016 15:45

You're a better woman than me OP, I'd be having an almighty row words once the kids are asleep.

Memoires · 07/08/2016 15:45

Especially as he has to nip to the shops (and all shops near campsite do phone top ups) to buy knickers....

Chesntoots · 07/08/2016 15:50

So, in summery
He has told you he is taking his eldest two away for "bonding time"? Fine. No problem at all. Two eldest and going away with other children of their age and their dads for a weekend - also fine and sounds like fun!

But what has actually happened is he has gone away with his eldest two, plus MUTUAL friends (who no longer see his ex), friends that you socialise with and even have a child the same age as yours and goes to the same group as yours...

Is that correct? Because if that is the case there would be a very serious problem followed by an even more serious conversation possibly culminating in a serious "here's your suitcase you lying, deceitful twat. If I'm not good enough to join you and OUR FRIENDS on a holiday then I'm obviously not good enough to live with" type of occurrence...

You sound lovely and a lot more calm than what I would have been!

bloodyteenagers · 07/08/2016 15:52

I would text him now actually.
Hi, seeing as you have changed the dynamics and invited other people on your 1-2-1 time. Will you pick us up from the train station?

Crap response text back from him.

Oh it wasn't an invite. I assumed that when you said you had invited others and was waiting for them to come, this also included us. Really confused now. Oh and dsd wants her mobile topping up.

SapphireStrange · 07/08/2016 15:53

can i top up her phone

No, Daddy can if Daddy is looking after her for the week.

SandyY2K · 07/08/2016 15:54

I'm really surprised how many people are upset/angry/outraged that he didn't want his 19 month old there!

Why?

A toddler and camping don't mix IMO.
They require a lot more attention and care than older children and there are more dangers for them in the great outdoors.

They pick things from the floor.
They wander off
They fall over

Good gosh, I'd need a holiday to get over it.

My mind would be on constant panic mode if I took a toddler camping. That's not a holiday - it's stress!

NuffSaidSam · 07/08/2016 16:01

' plus MUTUAL friends'

I wonder why none of these MUTUAL friends have mentioned it to the OP? If it was, in fact, a trip long in the planning as everyone has assumed?

It's very odd.

maddiesparks · 07/08/2016 16:02

It's fine for a parent to take older children away on their own as toddlers obviously change the dynamic of a holiday but as long as the OP and her youngest daughter also get a holiday another time! OP I suggest you book sometime away with your two eldest children and leave the toddler behind with Dad. He should have been upfront about it but I suspect he was feeling guilty and decided to deal with your feelings after the event (cowardly). Like you say no point stewing over it all week just book yourself somewhere nice for you and eldest two and inform your DP he will be looking after toddler while you are away.

NuffSaidSam · 07/08/2016 16:04

Sandy you've misunderstood my post there. I was saying exactly what you've just said!!!

'I'm really surprised how many people are upset/angry/outraged that he didn't want his 19 month old there!'

I'm saying I'm surprised that people are upset or outraged or angry that he didn't want her there....because I wouldn't want a 19 month old camping either! For all the reasons you've just said.

sealmane · 07/08/2016 16:06

I'm also a bit surprised at all the raging on here. He is still with his older kids and maybe feels they need the attention, which they wouldn't get with 18 month old baby there. Even if a few other adults are there they wouldn't be demanding in the way a baby would be. I'm sure the 18 month old 'daddies girl' can cope since she won't understand things like camping. But you are clearly hurt OP and feel excluded or rejected in some way. Maybe this is something you need to look at or talk to him about. I may be wrong but personally I think you should cut him some slack for spending some time with his older sons, even if it was in the company of a few others.

SapphireStrange · 07/08/2016 16:21

seal, you're missing the point a bit. One of the main things the OP and others are annoyed about is the fact that he said he was going with just the kids, but it is in fact a jolly group holiday with a bunch of other adults but NOT the OP.

maz210 · 07/08/2016 16:32

Having camped with very young children it's not easy and I can understand why your husband only wanted to go with his older two. I also can't see the problem with old friends joining up with them.

However, I'd find it a problem that he wasn't able to discuss this with you beforehand? I'd be very hurt that he's chosen to sneak about rather than be open and honest. For me it's not so much what he did but how he went about it that would hurt.

magoria · 07/08/2016 16:34

OP has said he gets lots of time with his 2 DC alone.

She also said he stressed he needs time alone and it would b good to hav a holiday just him and his kids.

He didn't did he.

He clearly wanted time away from OP for what ever reason.

wombattoo · 07/08/2016 17:10

I agree with everything that NuffSaidSam has raised.
It does seem odd that he would casually drop into the conversation that friends have arrived if the OP didn't know anything it. Also, if you are friends with one of the females on the trip (from the toddler group) it is very strange that she hasn't mentioned it.
I hope it all works out for you OP. It does seem that you get on very well as a family, other than this episode.

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