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Original poster

Upset regarding holiday

174 replies

Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 09:21

Name changed for this and am a long time mumsnetter!

Me and dp have been togther 6 years, lived together 4, i hav 4 kids from previous relationship (8, 11, 13 & 18) he has 2 (13 & 11) we have 1 dd together whos 19 months.
He has his 3 nights every other weekend and every wed night.
Good relationship all rpund, we r a well blended family, he gets lots of time alone with his too.

This year we agreed he would take his 2 on holiday alone, stressed he needs time alone and it would b good to hav a holiday just him and his kids.
We agreed.
Let me add he would b leaving our dd with me, shes a big daddys girl so its a big thing for her.

He left yesterday (camping) for his bonding one on one quality time week holiday, which i dont mind, i totally agree they needed this time.

Dp has just called me from camp site to say arrived safe, and that his friend has arrived aswell but his 4 other friends (couple with kids) would arrive tomoz for the wk.
I bloody fuming, and very hurt!
He didnt want me there cause he needed times with his kids and then invited 5 other families.

OP posts:
clam · 07/08/2016 12:25

Hmm, so is that other toddler also on the trip?

Original poster
Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 12:29

I dont know clam id presume so though as I know the mum is breastfeeding/attachment parenting still

OP posts:
magoria · 07/08/2016 12:29

He and 5 other families have coordinated leave, facilities etc without him saying a single word to OP.

He got drunk with his mates last night and now is laying in bed sleeping off a hangover while his kids do other things.

That is not quality time with his DC and I think shows quite a level of deceite towards OP.

One of the other families had a young DC same age as OP's as they go to the same toddler group.

How would OP and their child being there have made any difference?

He didn't want her there.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 07/08/2016 12:34

I think thats really sly and i would be fuming

rollonthesummer · 07/08/2016 12:36

Are there other mums there, OP? Or is it just dads?

Original poster
Popsicle434544 · 07/08/2016 12:41

Yep all the wives r there, well all except me, i wasnt worthy Wink

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 07/08/2016 12:44

I think that's awful of him to do that and you're a nicer person than I am because I would be letting him know right now that I was pissed off with his lying.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 07/08/2016 12:46

You seem very calm about it, I'd have set fire to his clothes in the garden by now!

WingsToFly · 07/08/2016 12:47

Yy magoria

In the context of the dynamics for this trip I don't think his kids needed you to not be there - it was him. In fact sounds like dsd might enjoy it more and feel more secure with you there, especially this morning! What she told you by text probs wouldn't have happened if he was giving her the 1:1 that was given as the reason for the trip. She would have told him about the cow in the moment.

As others have said, your youngest isn't missing out particularly and you have a trip in October with own DC, but are you and him having ANY kind of holiday this summer (with youngest at least, obvs) with or without older children?

SandyY2K · 07/08/2016 12:49

Mmmm, I can see both sides really. Yes, I'd be peeved to an extent, but a 19 month old camping is not my idea of fun at all. More like a nightmare TBH.

Even though there are other families there, he can still get alone time with his DCs, whereas if your 4 DCs came, he would look bad if he swanned of with his 2 alone. Even if your 4 didn't come, you say DD 19 months is a daddy's girl, so it would have been hard for him to concentrate on the other 2.

What would annoy me more about this, is that he deliberately witheld the fact about the other families going until he got there and I can only assume, it's because he knew that was wrong.

I'm trying to be balanced, but I would be annoyed too.

Viviennemary · 07/08/2016 12:51

He probably thinks it's nice for his DC's to have friends to play with. I can see why you feel left out. But seven children between you is a hard juggling act I would think. So there has to be a huge amount of give and take. But he should have told you the situation if he knew about it beforehand. Try and see it from his two children's point of view. They've gone from being a family of two to a family of seven. That's a massive adjustment.

Becky546 · 07/08/2016 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helmetbymidnight · 07/08/2016 12:54

I would be hurt and cross- he's gone off on a multi-family holiday and didn't want half his family there. He's a liar.

Flowers
Helmetbymidnight · 07/08/2016 12:55

I'd be curious what he tells the others about why you're not there.

SapphireStrange · 07/08/2016 12:56

I'd be really pissed off with the lie. I know it's not AIBU, but YANBU!

SapphireStrange · 07/08/2016 12:57

That's a very good point, Helmet.

I'd be really pissed off with the lie. I know it's not AIBU, but YANBU!

RepentAtLeisure · 07/08/2016 13:05

Your dd will be fine with you, but I would be hurt and angry that he excluded you to spend time with his old friendship group. Almost like he wanted to pretend his new family didn't exist for a while. You shouldn't compartmentalize people when you're married.

WingsToFly · 07/08/2016 13:06

It wasn't going to be all 4 DC going tho, OP said upthread that her older 2 could have spent this week with their Dad

WingsToFly · 07/08/2016 13:07

That should read all 7

NuffSaidSam · 07/08/2016 13:16

'He and 5 other families have coordinated leave, facilities etc without him saying a single word to OP.

He got drunk with his mates last night and now is laying in bed sleeping off a hangover while his kids do other things.'

We don't that for sure Magoria and I can't see how it's helpful to assume.

It certainly could be what's happened, but we don't know for sure.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 07/08/2016 13:18

Mmm so all the other wives are there. I wonder what they think about it and what line he's strung them.

228agreenend · 07/08/2016 13:26

Going away with dcs - fine

Going away with friends - fine

However, not telling you that other people were going - not fine. Camping trips need coordination. Ie. Who has camping stoves, food, etc.

I feel hurt and disappointed also.

clam · 07/08/2016 13:52

I'm hopelessly confused as to how many people/families are on this holiday.
First, you said a friend and then a family of four (parents and 2 DCs). Then you said five other families. Then you said 2 families, but it was unclear whether that included your dh and his kids.

Not that it makes much difference to the situation, but I think we should be told!

Memoires · 07/08/2016 13:56

I am really quite angry on your behalf. He doesn't want you or dd there, that is very clear.

It's up to you whether there's a way back from this, but he needs to put in some major grovelling to even have it considered. That level of planning! Outrageous.

ElspethFlashman · 07/08/2016 14:00

Oh please. So what if the 19 month old is a Daddys girl? OP would have been there too - its not as if he would have been a single parent with a toddler stuck to his side.

Theres most likely another toddler there anyway! Who goes to the same toddler groups and who their child could play with! I doubt he'd have been that burdened. Besides, toddlers go to bed early enough.

Seems to me its not so much that he didnt want the toddler there - its that he didnt want OP there. Sad