DH's extreme reaction

[Thelaundrylady]

I really need some help with getting things into perspective right now.

Yesterday was my birthday and my DM bought me a12 month membership to our local leisure centre ( gym, swimming pool, classes) as she knows that I want to regain my fitness levels and lose some of the weight that I have gained over the last year or so.
I thought that this was a lovely gift and told my DH about it.
He has gone absolutely nuts about it saying its a waste of money, I shouldn't have accepted it, that I should have asked DM for cash instead so that we can put it towards next years holiday, how dare I expect him to look after DC so I can go to the gym (which i don't) I'm being selfish etc. We had a massive argument and he drove off to god knows where and is still not back home as yet.
It seems such a ridiculously extreme reaction but I don't know if I'm missing something ??

I think the weirdest thing is that this was a birthday present from your mother to you! i.e. it was absolutely nothing to do with him Is there actually something wrong with him? Does he think he should control presents given to you and throw a wobbly because it should have been cash instead for you both to spend? Very strange to say the least.

Grandchildren? So how old are the children that he does not want to look after?

Don't you dare back down from this.

This is a war you will not lose. He is either seeking to tie you to the house/kids or trying to scupper your social life/friendships.

Fuck that and fuck him. Make sure he knows that if you are forced to choose between living a normal life with friends and family or staying indoors, you'll be at the gym or with your mates if he wants to come and find you.

What are your ages, OP?

As for his Christmas attitude - next time he buys you perfume, scream, "Are you saying I smell bad?" and throw it at his head.

I'm a young nanny lol eldest children 23 and Twins 20 from DH's 1st marriage and our DC 16, 9, and 5. GC 3, 2 (DH's eldest) and 7 months (one of the twins)

I'm not backing down and I will be visiting the gym and swimming regularly. He can either join me or sulk and to be quite honest I'm past giving a shit which one he chooses.

Sounds to me like he is insecure and doesn't want you looking nice tbh.

Where was he till 3am OP?

He said he was just driving around ??

He's got an awful lot of children for someone who can't be arsed looking after them. Is there some reason you shouldn't expect him to look after them whilst you go to the gym?

Now I don't believe someone drives around until 3 am. I just don't. For one thing he'd be knackered and for another, once he thinks you're in bed, surely he'd just come home?

He doesn't sound very nice, OP.

I had a friend whose husband used to storm off and drive somewhere, then switch off his phone, and have a nap/read a book/go for a walk. Then he's turn up again, saying he was too upset to come home and had been driving around in anguish while she sat at home and did nothing. She was supposed to call the police, leave endless, worried messages, get people to look after their son and drive round looking for him etc.

So, yes I believe he would 'drive around' until 3 am. His absence is meant to be a punishment and cause of worry.

He's a controlling, manipulative arse. What do you get out of this relationship?

I am sure he stopped out until 3 to worry me. He sent me a txt saying enjoy the life insurance... I didn't reply.

Believe me he won't be getting his way regarding me going to the gym, I can be very stubborn and when he behaves like this it just makes me more determined to go !

He is an active parent and we usually share our family responsibilities equally.. He's just being a twat right now !

Ridiculous behaviour.

Sounds like a controlling arse.

He sent me a txt saying enjoy the life insurance.

He's not just a twat right now though is he?

i just cant get over the fact he thinks he has a right to dictate how your mother spends her money!

Who the fuck does he think he is to say she should have paid towards your holiday?

That is almost word for word exactly what I said to him MaddyHatter I wouldn't dream of telling my PIL what they buy for DH

Enjoy the life insurance What a bloody mind-fucker he is!

Beneath contempt that behaviour imo, he's behaving like an emotionally abusive, first class arse.

Hugh he'll wait a bloody long time for me to apologise !

Does he have mental health issues?

Because I fail to see how you going to the gym, impacts on his health to the point that he would make the life insurance comment.

Well done for ignoring him.

I hope your posts are really how you feel. Strong.

No mental health issues, that was his way of trying to control me. I was worried about him , very worried but I wasn't about to let him know.