Place marking and joining although I have to catch up on some of the posts.
My ex was defined as a narc and sociopath by his MOD psychiatrist. I found his med records when I was packing his belongings....
Last week was a small victory in court, the judge ruled that he must pay minimum amounts towards the upkeep of our DC, and all the court costs. He was fined for not submitting evidence of earnings and costs, and didn't turn up for the hearing. I won in his absence.
When I asked why he didn't show and told him the outcome it was again all my fault...if I didn't force him to see his child every other weekend he'd be able to get another part time job and pay maintenance....
I just tried to follow the legal minimum requirement for visitation in this country. For sure if I withheld I'd have heard about the injustice. He wanted to visit his DC in my home for a few hours when possible for him. Fuck that! He could then maintain control and enter my personal space at his leisure. The weekends he had my DC were and are called "my entitlement to time off and fun" Ironic in a way that he accepts my time previously was not fun.
I am another one who must "pay". Mainly for making him leave.
He seems to have forgotten all the lies, theft and consistent use of Adultfriendfinder to search for afternoon hookups as an escape from his frigid wife.
Then I made the mistake of meeting someone else...obviously knowing that at the beginning of a new relationship it's highly unlikely I can be frigid. This is driving him to distraction and delusion - I must have met my new partner before he left (therefore helping with the "you made me leave" theory, or providing a channel of sarcastic and nasty texts and messages to goad me.
If I'm in a bad mood with him, for example because he tells me he's picking up my DC from school and leaves him stranded, I'm only in a bad mood because my romance must be going wrong....When my son disclosed that my partner and I had gone away for a weekend it was thrown at me at every opportunity.
He says he won't pay when the court demands, as he is on the bones of his arse. Yet all I hear about when DS returns from a weekend are his new purchases, restaurants they've eaten in and how much he smokes. But yeah, he's skint.
My fear at the moment, is my DS replicating his behaviour. He can sometimes try to lie over things, gaslight a little and I sometimes see that nasty streak of biting sarcastic humour. This is always at the back of my mind. The influence of my ex on my sons future....