Hello to all, old and new. Greencar - glad you're ok, so sorry to see things didn't work out with your dp. It seemed like you thought it would go that way.
I was going to comment upon various individual points/scenarios, such as my dc's phone calls from ex being almost word for word the same as yours Lilac.
However, have just had very difficult chat with dc where I basically let them know a few home truths about their dad !! They are old enough to have realised what he's like in some respects. I'm done trying to sugar coat the crap, try and build a better picture of their dad for them. That's his job, and he's failing, but d'you know what, tough luck on him.
I have a really busy day tomorrow, the whole day is shoe horned around timings for the dc's events/school etc. No problem for me, all planned and sorted. Asked dd to phone her dad to say x, y, z. But no, can't pick up one of the dc at the time requested, has to be 30 mins later. I know this is just him suiting himself.
I said fine, if I go and he's not here I'll take dc with me. Lots of upset about then dad will be angry with me (dd) ! Why can't you text him? You can't leave with ds! All about how it's going to make dad feel, then react to them. And this is the man who only a week ago drove off and left them on the doorstep outside my empty house.
I told them that he's a difficult man, he makes it that we can't communicate. I said he suits himself, only does what he wants, and that they aren't a present in a shop to be wrapped up for his arrival.
I too read the thing about not making them victims. Actually now I think that by pretending these men are ok is a real betrayal. What message does that send? No, no more. I'm not going to assassinate his character at every opportunity. But I am not going to be the enemy, or seem difficult, so that he can be Mr Good Guy.
Following all the crash business discussed earlier, I'm currently facing the prospect of him getting the money for the written off car. I know he won't give it to me. We don't have a court order, weren't married, and all dc contact is agreed just between us. If he takes the money I intend to threaten his sorry arse. He knows I can outsmart him, that's why he hates having to deal with stuff with me
I'm totally with donners on this one. As you say, they think we're unreasonable anyway so they might as well have it in spades. Not that I think I am being unreasonable!
My kids know what their dad is like. I try to be honest generally with them, so why would/should I lie about something as important as this.
Sorry for rant. Just really bloody angry tonight.