Welcome JennyMe.
My ex looks to come from a very traditional, normal family. They are anything but. His grand father was apparently a very unpleasant man, whom his own father got away from a.s.a.p. Weirdly however he (or rather his wife) cared for them in their old age. So although ex's mum and dad deeply disliked their in-laws/parents, they still looked after them to the detriment of their own family life.
Ex's dad is extremely judgemental and controlling. Has spent most of his life discarding people who don't make the cut - in his view. His mum is actually ok. Although she speaks up for herself, she has spent her married life running around after her husband, and ultimately what he says goes. My ex and his siblings have all had problematic lives and relationships. None of them are close to their parents, all just politeness on the outside. Lots of issues but all just swept under the carpet, complete mess.
His dad was actually the catalyst for our split. Ex was like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Couldn't stand up for himself, me, or our family, really pathetic. I know that his relationship with his dad now is really strained, and not so great with the others now I'm not around to smooth the way. I think he knows deep down his dad is an utter bastard, but who wants to admit to that, especially when you've just lost everything else?
When I met ex his parents treated him like something was very wrong. Ironically they were right - it was them! Once he broke away he became a different person. Now they're his only RL support they'll no doubt grind him down again. Never used to believe the Philip Larkin poem "They f**k you up your mum and dad". In some cases it's so horribly true.