Husband and female colleague

[123awife]

My husband of 3 years has recently been having more contact with a female colleague who is about 10 years younger and single. I will describe the contact and welcome your views on whether I should be concerned of a slippery slope.

Checking through his emails, I see that she confided in him about a personal work issue and he emailed to comfort her, telling her she should pop over to his office if she needed to talk and for a coffee. He then emailed her again very shortly after, with work stuff in the email, but asked her for her mobile number as he wanted to call her. He could have called her at her office surely! In the email he gave her his mobile. Then I see he emailed her several times in a short space of time with other work stuff, but telling her the work stuff could wait given her personal issues. If it could wait why didn't he leave her alone?
A few days later she emailed to say they should discuss the work stuff but it could wait. My husband was on annual holiday by this stage, but despite this time off, he offered to meet her. She suggested his office but he changed and suggested a coffee shop during the day. He could have met her at his office but suggested the coffee shop. He later contacted her to say he was running late as he was picking up papers at his office to give her at the coffee shop- even more reason meeting at the office would be more convenient for them both! Later that day he met her he said it was good to have some of her time. He emailed several more times after the coffee date and the emails were sent late, well after her working hours, and he was on holiday don't forget. He then emailed her a day before we left for our own holiday together. The work stuff could certainly have waited as it wasn't urgent by any means.
We both then went away on our holiday together. She probably didn't know we were away but she replied to his email, also late into the night. He then replied to her at midnight during our holiday thanking her for her valuable comments which he has taken them all on board. Again, not urgent work matters, but to email her at midnight on holiday with me! In the email he also asked her how her short holiday had gone and probing a bit for details of her holiday as she had been away by the time we went away. So he knew her holiday plans as well. Should I be concerned? What's going on between them, it feels and reads like he's pursuing her?

Looking at partner's emails is hardly the issue here. The OP is suspicious for good reason. It's a classical one...".helping a colleague with an work issue out of work hours"!!!
He was testing the waters, has been politely rebuked , and will more than likely, try again.
OP, you have not been married for long and it's appears you don't trust your husband. I think it is sad that you cannot just talk to him about his feeling for this colleague, instead of watching and waiting. That is no way to have a relationship. You can never relax .

Well, I do think you're a bit of an officious twat really if you think that your 'cases' need you to keep up with them whilst you're on holiday but, you feel it necessary so crack on.

You have no idea of what other people have gone through, the levels of abuse they may have suffered also. Abuse is called loud and often yet never recognised by the callers themselves when they're guilty of it.

Anyway, we're not going to agree so I'm going to leave it now.

Restless, I agree. I'm quite worried by the amount of people who think raking through their partner's private and in some cases deeply personal (confidential) emails is ok! My partner and I don't have secrets but we do respect each other's privacy and right to privacy.

And also, a SW who doesn't just switch off to important cases because they're off gets a massive thumbs up in my book!

Oh so now it's my fault that I was abused. I'm glad you're going to shut up. You can keep your abuser-apologetic opinions to yourself.

Thank you ayeokthen!

He could be just stroking his ego as he has a colleague he is attracted to.

Doing the 'look what a great guy I am going out of my way to help a lesser mortal with problems' when in fact the underlying reason is 'I wonder if there's a chance of a shag' or 'look what a great guy I am going out of my way to help a lesser mortal with problems and not taking advantage by making sexual advances'.but he is prob in denial of the latter.

My DH used to help out younger colleagues, in his latter years anyone, but in his 40/50s always younger attractive usually single females. But it didn't move on to an affair. Hence I wonder if i'ts an ego stroke.

Has he reached an age where he might be heading for a mid life crisis?

Maybe it's time for an honest chat with DH about improving your relationship. Both trying harder.

Yes MissMargie he's reached that age too. We will sit down together to have a frank discussion around whether we are happy and meeting each other's needs. I will do something nice to eat and set the scene to ensure I too am calm.
We've been married just a couple of years, first time round for both of us and we're both in our 40s. He had more experience shall we say than me.
I asked the forum the other day about signs of a man's attraction to another woman because I think it's clear he is attracted to her in some way otherwise there wouldn't have been the impetus to be so attentive. I ask about signs as he has been asking me for more oral sex than usual which came up during our holiday abroad. It's continued now every second night or so. Why would that type of intimacy be more important to him now? Again it could be me over analysing but just I case I'm not what do some folks think that's about?

It could be that he enjoyed it on holiday, thought you did to and would like to carry on with it..?

Are you happy with the frequency?

You are so over-thinking this. Her use of "we" rather than "I". Frequency of blow jobs. Are you always this intense?

No not usually this intense but it's irking me. The frequency has gone up from before the holiday, and yes it may the holiday thing / change. When I came back from the spa he practically was pestering me. Unusual as I'm usually busy and he just chills except for the spurt of emails of late. Time will tell. I'm hoping to sit down together later in the week and it's likely nerves as it's never came up in the time we've been married. There's a but if he frightened to discuss our relationship as I may not be all he needs.

We've got a lot to discuss....clearly.

I'll come back in here to let you know the outcome .... I'll try to get a hold of myself in the mean time.

You can always do the same and ask for more oral yourself, or whatever else you like.

I hope he isn't fantasising.

I think your gut instinct shouldn't be ignored.

I used to work with a chap who was ultra-helpful, always remembered babies' names, holiday destinations, dates of big presentations etc.

Always for the younger women. Always some avuncular advice, coffee, emails, compliments.

We all thought he was really kind and lovely. But I'm afraid he turned out to be a bit predatory.

One thing he said to a colleague was that his wife was insanely jealous, that's why he rarely asked her to work dos or introduced her to colleagues. He also said he found women much easier to get on with.

Because of his experience and very senior rank, none of us were suspicious of the kind attention we were shown.

Hope it works out OK for you, OP.

Any change in sexual frequency/intensity would have me very concerned. If he was pestering you when you came back from the spa I would be wondering what he had been doing while you were gone to get him aroused. Maybe he was emailing the colleague,or looking at porn.

I think I would be keeping a very close eye on this before I spoke to him. The emails,despite not containing anything inappropriate, are in themselves inappropriate because your husband is technically expressing a desire to have on going unnecessary contact with her.

The emails have now taken on a more personal tone and are clearly not about work. I would also be concerned that he engineered the meeting in the coffee shop and got her phone number. He's clearly trying to move their relationship from a professional one to a personal one.

I think I would want to know that he wasn't on the phone to her while you were at the spa.

I did not read his emails he gave me the gist

Ps I don't know how to edit them