My boyfriend has betrayed my trust : (

[Thoughthewasdifferent]

Boyfriend and I have an active sex life, and a few months ago we did a little "video" on his phone. Well, I say we, it was only really me in it.

He tells me he looks at it all the time, and we look at it together sometimes.

I know you're all going to say "you shouldnt have done it, what happens if you split up etc?" But honest to God, up until today I trusted him with my life. I thought we were for keeps.

Anyway..... I had to get a quote on something for him today, so he gave me his email password. I DID NOT search through his mail, but its a yahoo account which means you can look at the photos/attachments sent.

His mate sent him a photo of his girlfriend in various poses, my boyfriend replied by sending him the video.

1. Yes I'm in the wrong for looking, I know that and the sick feeling in my stomach is my punishment

2. Is he a complete bastard? My face isnt in the videos but the mate will know they are of me.

3. I am a regular, all you troll hunters can ask me any question about MN and I'll have a good go of answering it.

If his friend sent him one he was probably sending it so "he too" could look good/boast or whatever....

Is he young? It seems quite immature?

yes he is definitely no 2, how old is he 17? grrr i would be so livid. if he gave you his password its hardly snooping

OMG I'd KILL HIMMake him delete it immediately.

Message withdrawn

Yes, he's a complete bastard.

Consider this a lesson to be learned.

NEVR allow someone to photograph or tape you in compromising positions again unless you're willing to accept that this may be made public.

Harsh, but true.

DTMFA

he's a wanker. take a video of his little willy on your phone and put it on utube (don't tell him) then dumpe him and send the link to everybody you know (not forgetting to delete all footage of you beforehand)

kill him.
im sure we can comeup with inventive ways of making him grow up.

No he is not young. At all.

I feel sick

Next question.

Should I end it? Can I trust him? Would I want to be with someone like that?

there's nothing wrong with making a bit of home made fun, but to treat you like this is disrespectful. He can't think very much of you (sorry) my DP would never, ever do that. I think unfortunately you put your trust in the wrong man.

A close friend of mine had a slightly different situation- she split with her boyf and when she was interested in someone else, he threatened to put a load of pictures on her on the net. DP was ready to go round and lamp him one. There's a line you don't cross.

He doesn't sound like he respects women, never mind you.

I'm sorry to say iiwy this would be a dealbreaker for me, I couldn't get past this breach of trust.

Message withdrawn

Delete the video and dump him. What kind of person does he think you are?

I have to say, if my DH did this (married for 6 years, together for 12) I would seriously contemplate divorce. I just wouldn't be able to trust someone who had that little regard for my feelings.

I agree, it shows very little or no respect for you at all.

Dump him. Easy for me to say, i know , but what he has done is horrible.

i agree with fff what a shit

Only you can decide how you feel and whether you want to continue the relationship. But I would consider this.

Each time you have sex, can you be sure he?s not telling his mates about what you ?did last night?? Even if he deletes the video, how do you know who else his mate has sent it to? It could be on utube for all you know.

IMO you need to have a serious discussion about respect and his lack thereof.

this is awful.

does he understand what he has done?

how would he feel if he starred in a film and later you to sent to your mates?

I wouldn't let dp take a video on his phone as I know he'd show his mates. I think it's the degree of trust you have in him.. you trusted him and he betrayed that, just like if he'd slept with another woman.

if you are brave enough to do it again, keep hold of tape / hard drive etc yourself...

this is trust, respect left in shatters..horror..

i think this guy has betrayed your trust. for me it would be a serious dealbreaker. i would confront him and see what his reaction is.

I agree. Delete the video from his pc/mobile first and then ditch him. I think it is implicit that, if you do agree to something like this, it is strictly for private viewing only and to send it to anyone else is a big breach of trust...

I like fff's suggestion! What a w*nker!!

You were not snooping.

Have you confronted him about this yet ? ..... I wonder what pathetic "excuse" he'll come up with ? (because there is none). Don't be surprised though if he says either "it was only a bit of fun" or, worse (?) "you looked so sexy I was proud of you and wanted to show you off". Neither are acceptable of course ..... he had absolutely no right to do this without your consent and I suspect it was all about wanting to be "one of the lads" and showing off that he had an "adventurous" sex life.

I can only imagine you must feel devastated. The truth is that there's every possibility this film will be passed on and I would be wondering, in my local town, and amongst so-called "friends" (of your boyfriend's) who exactly had seen this. The worst thing though, as you quite rightly feel, is not the embarrassment, but the dreadful betrayal of trust.

Personally, this wouldn't be something I could forgive. It is so personal, so private, that once done, it can't be repaired. I don't think this is something which can be forgiven TBH, irrespective of promises "never to do it again" ...... after all, it wasn't done by accident (eg. he meant to send a different, innocent clip but pressed the wrong link) since it was clearly in response to a similar set of pictures he'd been sent .... in the circumstances, I hesitate to say tit for tat, but it was definitely one-upmanship. I don't believe many women could continue a relationship with someone once this had happened - you'd be thinking all the time "if he could do that, what else is he capable of". It was an extraordinarily insensitive, disrespectful and hurtful thing to do.

Furthermore, as I think another poster has identified, if he and his mates think it's acceptable to bandy about intimate pictures of women who are supposedly their nearest and dearest, it doesn't say a lot about their true feelings for women in general.

You don't deserve this and there are plenty of other men out there who wouldn't dream of doing that.

He needs binning, but not before you've deleted the video from his email and phone.

Complete lack of respect and consideration for your feelings.