My boyfriend has betrayed my trust : (

[Thoughthewasdifferent]

Boyfriend and I have an active sex life, and a few months ago we did a little "video" on his phone. Well, I say we, it was only really me in it.

He tells me he looks at it all the time, and we look at it together sometimes.

I know you're all going to say "you shouldnt have done it, what happens if you split up etc?" But honest to God, up until today I trusted him with my life. I thought we were for keeps.

Anyway..... I had to get a quote on something for him today, so he gave me his email password. I DID NOT search through his mail, but its a yahoo account which means you can look at the photos/attachments sent.

His mate sent him a photo of his girlfriend in various poses, my boyfriend replied by sending him the video.

1. Yes I'm in the wrong for looking, I know that and the sick feeling in my stomach is my punishment

2. Is he a complete bastard? My face isnt in the videos but the mate will know they are of me.

3. I am a regular, all you troll hunters can ask me any question about MN and I'll have a good go of answering it.

I dont want him back???

I meant I wanted the man I fell in love with back.

I have self esteem. If I didn't then I wouldn't have confronted him I would have ignored it and carried on, afraid of being on my own.

I have a child yes, but not with him.

Do you have brothers? Because I would be tempted to tell my brothers and let them wallop him and make sure that he gave them the phone and the pc, et him keep his sim card. He is a nasty piece of work for doing it in the first place and for reacting like he has done in the second.

And I do agree that you should dump him tonight. You can start afresh if you want and you feel that he is contrite enough but this is a dumping offense.

Message withdrawn

How long have you been together? Is he a father figure?

I know sometimes it isn't so easy to walk away, not without a bit of planning first.

I do feel for you, I really do. Don't feel put upon here, people are just angry with him, not you.

Yes Socci I really really do. Things were great before this.

If you don't dump him he will always know that he can treat you like s**t and get away with it. This type of behaviour can't be just forgiven after a ticking off, it's a disgusting blatant disregard for your feelings. It's almost as if he doesn't see you as a person with feelings, just a sex object for his ( and his mates) enjoyment....

Listen this is a warning sign. he is your boyfriend and you fell in love with him and were possibly going to build a future with him but this is a warning sign. He is, if nothing else, decietful, disrespectful and ignorant, they are not qualties that are easily changed.

If things were fine apart from this and you love him and it hurts you to be without him then perhaps you can sort it out with him...

Speak to him about it...see what he says...

I dunno - I'd make him come to you. Anything else and he'll think he's gotten away with it - sorry

He responded with "whatever" - is this an adult MAN we are talking about or a 12 year old BOY - the vocabulary would indicate the latter!!

He treated the video of you with LESS respect than a 12 year old would treat his football trading cards and he obviously doesnt care that he has hurt you - dont even DISCUSS the fact that you looked at his e-mails this is a distraction tactic.

You may have "thoughthewasdifferent" but he wasnt - there are plenty of decent MEN out there who would HATE the thought of their mates ogling their girfriend naked - I think one of them deserves you rather than this idiot inadequate boy.

"I meant I wanted the man I fell in love with back".

He has well and truly gone now. He has made you wonder how well you actually knew him, did you even think he could be capable of doing such a thing to begin with?.

I'm not saying your self esteem is poor, I'm suggesting that your self esteem and confidence will have taken a huge knock because of this.

Oh bugger, are you who I think you are? Do I 'know' you on here? (It's MO'H)

Firstly, none of this is your fault. Your only er of judgment was perhaps allowing a man to take videos of you in a compromising position, but even then, you thought that the man was someone you could trust with your life so had no reason to believe that he would betray that trust in such a way.

Secondly, the reason why he is blaming you is because he?s been caught out. No, if you hadn?t checked his emails you would never have found out, but that?s not the point. He shouldn?t have been emailing videos of you to other guys in the first place. It was something special between you two and by doing that he has violated that. Ask him if he would feel the same if one of his mates wanted to come and watch you have sex. Because ultimately that?s the same thing.

I?m not of the school to shout ?dump him dump him? because ultimately only you can make that choice. If you love him and you want to make a go of a future together with him, you need to sit down and have a very serious discussion about where your relationship is going and about the trust and respect that is meant to exist between you. He can?t just laugh this off, this is serious, and if he wants a future with you then he is going to have to make some serious changes to ensure that.

Whatever happens you need to ensure that he deletes the video from his computer and his phone, and that he gets his mate to do the same. And yes, I would threaten to tell the mate?s girlfriend, and your bf?s mother, if he didn?t follow this through ? make him call his mate while you?re there. And if he doesn?t follow through, then carry out your threat and tell his mate?s gf, and your bf?s mother. And that?s not about revenge ? it?s about making him realize just what kind of person he is ? does he think his mother would be proud of that?

Good luck xx

oh bloody bugger

Yes QV and MOH I am who you're thinking of.

Oh arse. Have just emailed you.

what an arse! I'm so disappointed in him, can understand your shock more now from what you've said about him (iykwim)

I don't know if this will help but on the upside, he felt pround enough of you to want to show you off

I am still not sure if I know you but I it is not

This sucks...

Oh shit. I was hoping past hope it wouldn't be you. I'm so sorry.

I know.

I'm crying even more now because you all know it's me

My own fault for bragging up him so often, should have known it would come back and bite me on the ass

Men just don't think do they! they never grow up. My dp would've done exactly the same thing and there would have been no malice in it, just plain 'manstupidness'. Although that said I think it's blatantly obvious that my dp is a thoughtless-stupid-idiot, even though I know he loves me to bits.

sorry I didn't mean to make you feel worse. If it makes you feel any better I have extra muffin on show tonight and I've got foot fat as my stilettos are too tight. I'm off out now, hope it gets sorted one way or another. Catch up soon

Oh shit!! I have lost your email address...just typed into search engine of mailbox but nothing...shit...shit...

Oh don't cry, things will turn out fine, I know you feel rubbish atm but....Oh shit!!!

(((((hugs))))

I dont give them....usually....

Bastard!!

Not helping, am I....

It's OK MOH, not your fault.

Nice image you've conjured up by the way

It's OK Mellow, I'll mail you now.