Found something....

[summersunshineaddict]

Was using dps phone for something through other day, found an app called Kik. Opened it out of curiousity and he's been sending really quite filthy messages to other girls and photos too.

Things havent been great and we've not been having much sex but still this just hurt.

I've been trying to think of any reason he'd do this but I can't

I have posted before about having to hide my friendships with guys but I don't think this is comparable

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

What more is there he can say? He wasn't sending dorty messages in the hope of being invited round for a game of scrabble. Of course he is going to deny it play it down and make it seem like you're blowing it out of proportion. Only you know what's the next step.
Me personally I would be packing his things that he's left lying around and message him via Kik along the lines of
" want to hear something dirty? Your dirty washing is all packed in a bag for you waiting for you to collect. We are over. Leave your key (if he has one) "

[Jaynebxl]

So sorry to read this. Don't listen to any if his excuses.

[summersunshineaddict]

He's admitted it's his fault now and that he expects me to end it

[ZBWRDSM]

He's admitted it's his fault now and that he expects me to end it

Oh god Summersun that sounds horribly like the old male ploy of "I was hoping to get caught so you'd finish with me".

He shouldn't be saying he expects you to end it. He should be begging forgiveness and begging you not to.

You are well out of that.

[summersunshineaddict]

He is also begging me not to as well

Said he'd do anything to make it up to me

I just think what if something happened where we couldn't have sex for ages, would he be doing this again. I mean sending and receiving videos isn't just flirting is it

[TheNaze73]

I would want to know, if I was in what I thought was a happy relationship, why someone would feel the need to do that. That was my point. His actions have been deplorable, I would want to know the motive behind them

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

He really can't make his mind up can he? First it was "I've not cheated" and now it's "I'll do anything to make it up to you". Or in other words, he'll do and say anything necessary to make sure you get back in your box

FWIW mine also said it wasn't "real" cheating when he was sexting others ... and then I found out about the prostitutes, which apparently wasn't cheating either as "it didn't involve a relationship"

There really is no reason to put yourself through any more of this, is there?

[summersunshineaddict]

I know why. We've not had much sex lately and things havent been great, evidently this was his solution

[Lilacpink40]

He knows he's lying and you know he's lying. You both doubt each other anyhow.

Time to go through the grief of what you'd hoped this would be and move on.

Sorry this is happening to you

[ilovelamp82]

Well, at least you found out now rather than after you have kids. Imagine if you're off sec while pregnant or after you've had kids? Will he feel he can do it again? Or worse still will you have sex with him when you don't really want to just to make sure that he doesn't do it again?

Saying that he has done this as a "solution" to not having sex with you, implies that you are in some way responsible. You are not. If he is unhappy with your current sex life he needs to talk with you about it or leave. Cheating is not a solution in anyones book.

Leave now so you have the chance to find someone who loves and respects you. You deserve better.

[summersunshineaddict]

Just really sad about it

Never thought he'd do anything like this

[DollyBarton]

Oh OP. He's not doing this because of lack of sex. I guarantee he would be doing it even if you were having sex every night.

This is all such a classic case and indication of a cheater. If you don't walk away, I promise you that you will regret it later.

[ilovelamp82]

Of course you are sad. You"ve been betrayed. Unfortunately us women have a tendency to see our men as what they have the potential to be rather than what they actually are. Sadly that makes the dissapointment of reality horrible to go through. It's not you, it's him. You can do better.

Be good to yourself. Get a girls night in booked in so you can have some wine and a good cry and a moan, then concentrate on some things to make you feel better whatever that may be for you. Life is far too short to be with people who supposedly love you, treating you like shit.

[summersunshineaddict]

He's adamant this is the only time this has happened

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

He's adamant this is the only time this has happened

Ah yes, that one too

There's an old saying about this which goes "deny - minimize - blame". You've already had the denial and the "it was only once" ... soon you'll hear the blame as well

[ilovelamp82]

Even if this is the one and only time he's done something like this, which I'm sure you know in yourself isn't true (even though you want to believe him, would you be able to trust him again?

[AnyFucker]

You are going to swallow his bullshit, aren't you

[NoFanJoe]

It's nothing to do with a lack of sex. They're his actions, don't you go taking the blame for them.

[Doinmummy]

Puzzled it's a full house - he's done the 'blame' because he said he wasn't getting enough sex .

[mathanxiety]

We've not had much sex lately and things havent been great, evidently this was his solution

More likely it's the other way round. His attention is elsewhere. You have cause and effect mixed up.

[summersunshineaddict]

He's since taken responsibility for it all and said it's awful etc.

I'm not believing any bullshit he's just a crap lier so I can tell

[DollyBarton]

OP, he certainly knows his way around you. Every thing he has said and done is like its out of a textbook on how to cheat on your partner and get a at with it.

[category12]

You know you will never be able to trust him now. It's going to be checking his phone, wondering where he is, who he's talking to, never feeling safe, always tense.

That you'll have sex you don't want, cos you're worried if you don't he will look elsewhere. Feeling insecure about your looks or your performance and any time he's not as interested, thinking he is doing this.

Dump him and find someone nicer, who makes you feel good. Before you have kids together or get married to this jerk.

[summersunshineaddict]

Yeah you're right

He said he thought I was planning to end it with him, not that it excuses it at all.

He's agreed there is no excuse and expects me to end it.

[Doinmummy]

Fulfill his expectation then and do just that .