Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

Really stressed goin through some bad thoughts and been arguing over things that happend when drun. I got largers had 1/2 can then tipped them away. Either would of resulted in a bad way. Can't be botherd with life sometimes now especially. Feel like I have no self worth. Which is really selfish of me as I have children depending on me.

You did so well to tip it out, choc. Feel proud of that. Every time you keep this promise to yourself you will be building your self esteem.

I have been EXACTLY where you are. It has to be a promise to yourself, not to your partner. And every single time you keep it, you will get stronger.

You are doing brilliantly. Reward yourself for today.

got lucozade, no drink. having to sip it though i'm so so thirsty but gulping it down results in being rather ill (sorry tmi). just posting to keep me right.

buddha you are doing brilliantly too. Take it hour by hour if you have to. Write here as much as you want. Check in every hour if it helps. I still post every day because I feel like it 'keeps me right' as you said.

Can you eat anything? Toast? Scrambled eggs? Even a bag of crisps or something?

x

had a yoghurt. took me about an hour to eat it.

at least it's inside now and you'll be getting the goodness. You need nutrition.

Do you take a vitamin? Apparently drinkers are low on Vitamin B so a multivit might be good for you in these first couple of weeks.

Treat yourself like a newborn baby. Eat and sleep when you want. Warm and soothe yourself. You are going to be okay. You are doing this, minute by minute. You really are. x

Well done choc on tipping it away

Glad you're here buddha, caring words of wisdom from onewhitepillow.

If you look back through this thread and the previous ones you will see that many of us started in a similar place. Help given freely and without judgement.

We are all here buddha. Well done for just buying soft drink- that took a huge amount of courage. Perhaps in the morning you'll be able to eat a little more.

Ironing basket is empty!! Sober life is more efficient and more enjoyable. I actually watched tv instead of coming out plus made 2 phone calls. Love my evenings now. Did get a twinge for wine as I sat down but it passed quickly. Cold Feet was good!

gotta loved reading your happy post. It's those little simple pleasures that get me too. I worked hard today, and cooked for my kids, and hung up a load of washing, and did my yoga and my headspace and now I am lying about on the couch about to go to bed. It's all so simple and lovely compared to what it would have been just a few short weeks ago: lying pissed in an armchair, or in bed, or sucking back wine in the hope that I'd sleep before the bottle ran out.

tattoos I just saw your post. Sorry I missed it earlier.

I've been struggling with that critical voice too. I don't understand why I can be forgiving and gentle with others - perhaps too much sometimes - and not of myself. It's become more and more obvious to me during the meditation what a torrent of self-abuse I dish out to myself, nearly constantly. I want to address that. I think noticing it is the first step and trying to get a bit of detachment from those thoughts rather than believing them. Easier said than done, of course.

Night night all x

Well done for chucking it away choc

You're doing so well budda, especially going to the shop too. I hope you manage some sleep and are feeling a bit better and ready to eat a bit in the morning. Do you have any dioralyte tablets or sports rehydation ones kicking around? Even some squash with a tiny pinch of seasalt in it, not enough to taste it.

I know, it's sad how we can be our own worst enemies sometimes. Kind of putting me off meditation now

Productive night here ignoring the ironing and setting up a bullet journal. This better make me into the most uber organised person ever I suspect it may give me something else to faff around with and procrastinate over instead. Is cold feet still on gotta, I thought it ended years ago? I mainly watch netflix these days so haven't a clue what's on the live tv, well except for Poldark of course

can't sleep. wanted to type out what happened for dp to leave. he moved in a month ago, not knowing that i had issues with alcohol. i tried telling him and told him i didn't want to drink anymore. he said he'd want me to drink at social occasions, weddings etc. he's from a background of lots of social functions/heavy drinkers in the family. my parents dont really drink at all and know all about my drinking.

anyway, he moved in and had relocated to be here but was struggling to find work. i was sober and had been for about five weeks, was back at the gym, work going well etc. i have 1 small dc from a previous relationship but she is safe, at her grandparents.

we were out a few weeks ago (i'm p/time) and it was a really sunny day. we went to a hotel with a beer garden and i decided to have a glass of prosecco. he said he was so glad i was drinking as when we'd visit his friends it would be nice to have a drink with them all together. it all went pretty downhill from there and the next time i was at the shop i bought some wine, then the next time vodka.

my mum came round to the house as she was concerned I hadn't turned up to a meet up we previously agreed on to find me lying in bed drunk, dp downstairs looking after dd. he said he would know if i was drinking secretly and that's when she dug out the empty bottles i'd stashed.

mum took dd to their house, dp went out and got wasted, came home and said this couldn't work. he was acting a bit funny, i'm not proud but i checked his phone, he had sent pictures of him taking coke or speed to his friends. i spoke to his mate the next day who said "i thought he'd left that all behind, he came to your town to get away from all that." i asked him about it and he said that this wasn't about him, it was about me and my drinking in secret, which i agree.

he left at the weekend. i'm heartbroken. he'd also been messaging his ex quite a fair bit over the last while, really struggling to deal with all this without the numbingness of alcohol.

on the messages to his ex he was saying back in june that he didn't know if i was the one, that i was "nice" but being with her was "electric" and that if she would take him back he'd be there in a heartbeat. I'm just so gutted.

buddha that's terrible. He should have known better than to encourage you to drink! Is your mum able to help you through the next few days? Gradually you'll start to feel better, one day at a time.
Cold Feet has returned for a new series!

buddha your DP's drugging is NOT about your drinking. It is his issue, and his responsibility to sort it, not yours. Your are not responsible for his recovery and he should not be making his success or lack of it be down to you and/or being in your town. Running away from your location is known in AA as 'trying the geographical cure' - ie you try and make a fresh start somewhere new. It rarely to never works. He has no place whatsoever to blame you for his own addiction and actions.

It is not uncommon though; 'I wouldn't drink/drug if it were not for you doing xxxx that makes me!!!'. Bloody hell, I've said that myself! He needs to take responsibility for himself, and buddha lovely one, you need to put yourself and your recovery first first first. Is there anyone professional who you can trust who you can run through this with?

On the self esteem issues upthread,

I have recommended these books before, but i havefound the following two very useful;

www.amazon.co.uk/Eating-Drinking-Overthinking-Destructive-Relationship/dp/0749926708/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473139409&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=eatring+drinking+overthinking

www.amazon.co.uk/Drink-Deadly-Relationship-Between-Alcohol/dp/000750358X/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473139438&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=drink+ann+dwsett

From what I have read (and indeed have experienced myself) women who have issues with alcohol tend to have issues with self confidence, lack of self esteem. The two books above are very interesting. Ann Dowsett's book is part research part memoir. Susan Nolen's book deals with the interconnectivity between alcohol abuse, eating disorders and depression.

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Morning everyone. Buddha it sounds like you have had a lucky escape - the last thing you need in your life is someone doing drugs. As others have said before you need to look after yourself and do it minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. I don't always have time to reply as I have purposefully made myself stupid busy at work but I do read when I can. We are all here to help and support each other. This is me starting day 8. Still having weird dreams at night but still determined - especially as I'm still bruised and cut from my drunken fall down the stairs. I couldn't take my dd to her swimming lesson yesterday as I would have had to explain the state of me. Sending everyone good sober thoughts for today xx

I hardly slept, so hate so many aspects in my life. Hate myself my dp can't trust me. I did tell a lie about the weekend with him, he acted horrible bcouse I was talking to a guy ( he was gay) dp left me and I didn't get home till late. He thinks iv been up to all sorts. I haven't just didn't want to come home to him. Things have been bad for a while his insecuritys are through the roof but he hasn't been letting me near him and rejectin me. He says now he knows he wants a future with me and he knows he's not been the best. I feel like I want to get wasted and try to forget about my shit situation.

Oh buddha sounds like you've been having a rough time. Did it help to write it down? Although it must hurt like hell right now, it does seem like you've had a lucky escape in the long run although I appreciate you probably don't want to hear that right now. My Dp is also in denial and being a prick about my sobriety especially around social drinking. He also tries to get me to join him in the garden for a joint every night he's off. I've never been a smoker of anything but found myself joining him more and more this year as my drinking got worse. Drinking, smoking, drugs all love company huh?

Anyway, happy sober thoughts everyone

Morning all! checking on on day 113 (plus day 11 of my breakup with DP)

Still not drinking - friend is taking me out tonight, which I really want to do - am determined to do it sober, as I need all my mental energy to keep it together and not weep embarrassingly :)

Am struggling with the heartbreak diet - not really eaten since he left (am managing about 1/4 of a meal a day, but having lots of fags and tea) - on the good side, I've lost just over a stone!!! - but am aware that it's getting silly now and need to find some way of sorting it out. But food just makes me feel sick and sad.

Am managing work and children fine - I feel much better in the week when I've got work to focus on - I've told some people in my team so they can nudge me if I'm being mean.

Tattoo buddha and I think lily - shall we form a breakaway sober breakup thread? I think that (shallowly) the most difficult thing for me is thinking I've no idea how to pull sober!

Choc - that sounds like a difficult thing - I think that when people don't commit, you focus on the goal of making them want to commit - but thinking about it, do you actually want to spend the rest of your life with someone that won't let you talk to other people?

slim thanks for the links - I'm someone who had anorexia in the past, so its interesting that it's linked.

one - you work so hard on this thread, and really keep it together supporting so many people! You are amazing, just make sure that you don't forget about yourself in your looking out for other people

choc of course you want to get wasted. It's a shitty time and everyone's medicine on this thread for 'bad feelings' is drink. Heaven forbid any of us values ourselves enough to actually do something good for ourselves to get through it . We just self destruct because it's easy to think we are not worth actually looking after and getting proper help. !

They are his insecurities, not yours. You've got your own to deal with I'm sure.

I'm dishing out advice like I know what I'm talking about. I don't but I've been in similar situations.

Take care of yourself.

I just wish Iife wasn't so horrible. I want to shut the world off. I just can't be bothered with this life anymore. Wish I could turn back time sometimes.

Budda, I honestly can't think of any way better to put it than how Slim did. She's right, his drug use in nothing to do with your drinking, don't let him blame you for that as it's simply an excuse. I have a previous ltr that there was heavy drug use at the end, it's the reason I left. He is accountable for his own actions just as we all are. Would you tell your dd to get shot of someone who treated her like that and sends messages like that to their ex? You deserve better. It's a brand new start for you and you need to put yourself and your recovery first. Massive hugs to you.

choc getting drunk is sadly our default to try and bury any difficult emotions, sure look at me at the weekend. It really doesn't help. Your dh can't expect things to change if he won't talk to you about them?

Thanks for the recommendations Slim

Oh God finnish, that thought has run through my head too. I've often half joked but not really that my idea of seduction is to get them drunk. Dates without booze fill me with terror. The whole possible awkwardness of saying you don't drink to the missing easiness of chatting with someone new over a few drinks. I'm quite shy with new people until I get to know them and alcohol definitely did help my confidence in those situations.

I would be cautious with your eating if you have suffered with anorexia before. What about making smoothies with some protein powder in them to try and get some calories into you if you really can't stomach food? I've been similar and really can't afford to lose any weight. I'm going to go shopping later today and get some ingredients to make the things I like and make me feel good or comforted. Tonight I'm making a homemade curry.

I second smoothie or soup if struggling to eat. Little and often is good... glass of milk or milkshake?

See a friend for first time in a few weeks this morning and she said I look really healthy! Lovely compliment to receive and I haven't told any friends about going sober so she didn't know

SAW a friend.

I'm feeling so angry and resentful that I can't drink today. I'm meeting a wonderful friend for 'drinks' this evening and perversely I want some Dutch courage to tell her that I have a drinking problem! She's luckily not a big drinker herself so I know it won't be a problem. I'm also going to have a very frank chat to her about relationship woes (are we all going to end up single!) and I just want a drink to help me through it. I never get deep with anyone in real life so it's all new and scary territory. I've been a shit friend to her and don't get in contact enough with her so just feel guilty and shit.