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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dry 14

999 replies

glad2016 · 21/07/2016 13:50

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

OP posts:
BecomingSober · 03/09/2016 16:13

You're right, I mean that being sober is an act of prioritising yourself, not at the cost of others but there's a saying somewhere...[toddles off to Google]

Found it..."Whatever you put before your sobriety you will surely lose"

On a general level, (not suggesting FalseNails should be telling her friend to bugger off or anything! ), I think we have to be selfish about this, there should be no compromise if it risks falling off the wagon.

I think we're very conditioned to consider everyone else and we (as women) think it's somehow wrong to show the same consideration to ourselves.

Well I think this may be what's caused me to get into this mess into the first place, it'd exhausting trying to make everyone else's lives easier! Grin

onewhitepillowleft · 03/09/2016 18:30

Sorry to hear about your friend falsenails. I've had a similar thing: had to go to a funeral and my first thought was how boozy the wakes often are and how I would get out of drinking. It isn't selfish, it is self care, just as hurricane says.

gotta so glad you're having some time to yourself. I went to bed really early, read a lot and cancelled some appointments. I am still being a bit hermitty - not sure why, except I feel the need to be at home, quiet and reflective, rather than throwing myself into the outside world right now. Maybe it's just what you need for the minute?

buddha are you okay? What do you need? Just type it all out here. Whatever you've done or not done, however much you've drank for how long, and whatever trouble it has got you in, you're amongst colleagues here. :)

Original poster
glad2016 · 03/09/2016 19:47

Agree that giving yourself self care is NOT self ish. We are trying to do something amazing and swim against the tide of "alcohol is normal".
It is NOT - it is a poison to all and for some of us, it very rapidly becomes a huge problem, whatever level we were drinking at (whether stepping off the down lift at a high or low bottom)
This last time of starting from Day 1 ( 250 days ago) I basically hibernated as much as I could (family and self employed work allowing) for a couple of months - did as little as I could, used ready meals and raided the freezers - normally we cook from scratch with homegrown stuff but that went by the by. That was the only thing I had not done the previous (many) times I had tried to be Dry long term - this time I was determined to add something else to my sober tool kit which already had a lot of self care in it ( blogs, on line support, my journal, exercise, meditation, Aj nowww, sober treats, etc etc )
I learned my lesson - if you lapse, do it differently next time so add something else into all the other stuff you did before :)
I added a subscription to Headspace rather than just doing meditation by my self, retreated to the spare room some night when I could not sleep and watched a lot of Amazon Prime and dvds and read a lot of stuff. I basically prioritized ME over everthing else, in order to get back to being the best wife and mum and friend and person I could be to everyone else again - but without the crutch of alcohol propping me up when I felt down.
I am sorry if this sounds a bit incoherent as it is hard to express in words but honestly, honestly please look after yourself first - you really do have to look after yourself before you can even begin to look after anyone else.
it is the first rule of ANY survival situation - plane crash, first aid, survival stuff - honestly I know as I am trained in all of them :)
Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
glad2016 · 03/09/2016 19:49

That was a bit long!

OP posts:
Original poster
glad2016 · 03/09/2016 19:53

And just to add - the very first person I needed to get back to being, having ditched the alcohol was me. Before being the best wife, mum, etc etc. Me.

OP posts:
Original poster
glad2016 · 03/09/2016 19:58

buddah are you ok? talk to us, we will listen and we may be able to help if you want us to :)

OP posts:
onewhitepillowleft · 03/09/2016 19:59

glad I needed to hear all that tonight. THANK YOU. Not too long at all.

efc1878 · 03/09/2016 20:07

Hi everyone sorry not been about, sounds like everyone doing well.

All good here- loads of running. I've also had a promotion in work and starting a masters this month! Amazing what I am achieving now I'm not spending my time drunk/hungover!

Keep going everyone.

Falsenails77 · 03/09/2016 20:20

Thanks for your kind wishes for my friend, I saw her today with the dc's so there was no worry about drinking. She's not in a good place right now but I supported her as best I could and will continue to. I've known her over a decade and she's never rang me like that before, she's usually the person other people would ring in a crisis. Won't say anymore about the situation as the details could be identifying.

It's strange really as I'm still very angry and repulsed by my binge that there's no way I could or would consider a drink under normal circumstances, I have two occasions this month that could involve drink which I've made plans for and feel happy about, just wasn't expecting a curveball like that, thankfully it was dodged and has put me on my guard.

Hope you are ok Buddha we are here for you if you need to talk

Another tired one here, got lots of nice treats so going to eat, chill, and watch rubbish tv with my family and try not to fall asleep too early Grin

Here's to a happy and sober Saturday night everyone Brew

Original poster
glad2016 · 03/09/2016 20:46

I'm watching f1_qually and then going to watch avengers.

OP posts:
Original poster
glad2016 · 03/09/2016 20:49

onewhite hugs

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Patchworkchicken · 03/09/2016 20:50

Well said, Glad

chocoholic89 · 03/09/2016 21:20

Had a really rubbish day been down and me and dp fell out was quite bad but that's all down to drink. We have hopefully sorted our issues and he turned round and says I think we should both stop drinkin it's wrecking our relationship and life. So that was like music to my ears and will be so much easier if there noone drinking in front of me we said we should do this and do that instead of wasting money on drink sure we could find other fun things to do. So I'm hoping ul all have me back...I do want to go af and putting the last few week as a blip and try again with no booze rule!

vxa2 · 03/09/2016 22:05

Tomorrow is a new day choco - you can do this.

Lots of words of wisdom on here tonight. I agree self care is fundamental. Exactly as glad said by looking after myself and my needs first I was able to start being a better mum, wife, friend daughter. I am so much kinder to myself now. I would never treat someone else the way I treated myself when I was drinking.

bhudda if you need support you are in the right place. The ladies here are wonderful. Post if you can.

Waves to all the sober warriors and hugs to those having a tough time Flowers

buddhasbelly · 04/09/2016 06:46

my DP is leaving today because of my drinking. I've been thinking of ways to end my life all night. I can't go on.

StrongTeaHotShower · 04/09/2016 07:01

Buddha I'm only just catching up on this thread so forgive me as I haven't read your story yet but please know there is a wealth of support out there. Samaritans or A&E first of all if you are feeling actively suicidal but also the support on here and AA. They run meetings throughout the weekend and you could see attending one as tackling the illness and see your suicidal thoughts as a symptom of the illness. Keep posting on here's a today, anything you like.

Things can seem so bleak and so shit that it's hard to see a day when things will get better but if you start with yourself and look after your self inside and out things will get better. Most of us on here are or have been in such a deeply low place but the positivity and support is inspiring.

Big, big hugs to you Flowers

buddhasbelly · 04/09/2016 07:08

i cant stop crying. he's upstairs packing. the trust has gone and so he has to go too.

onewhitepillowleft · 04/09/2016 07:15

Hi Buddha. I am here. Don't stop posting. Write as much as you want, as often as you want. I second the suggestion for Samaritans. There are also AA helplines. One foot in front of the other.

StrongTeaHotShower · 04/09/2016 07:16

I'm sorry, that must be heartbreaking. Has this happened before?

Alisonali77 · 04/09/2016 07:17

Buddha please, please ring a&e and get some help. As strongtea has said things may seem so bleak right now but given time they will get better. We have all hit rock bottom in order to start our journey. We are all here for you. Please speak to someone in real life if you can xx

buddhasbelly · 04/09/2016 07:22

everything is fucked. he's leaving at 10

onewhitepillowleft · 04/09/2016 07:27

We'll be around. Is there someone who can be with you today? Parents? Friend? Sibling?

Shame and distress thrive in secrecy. This is your lowest point, I know, but perhaps it's time to let the light get onto things. Is there anyone in real life you can telephone - maybe right now - and say your OH is leaving because of your drinking and you need some help?

How are you physically? If you are hungover, can you make sure you get some water and carbs inside you?

StrongTeaHotShower · 04/09/2016 07:31

You are right in the centre of the storm right now. Just cling on and get through it one minute at a time. Keep posting if you want, if I don't get back it's because my dd is demanding attention. I'll still be reading and everyone here is with you.

onewhitepillowleft · 04/09/2016 07:38

strong is right - everyone really is here with you. This is an amazing group of people. The support on this thread has literally changed my life. We are right here.

buddhasbelly · 04/09/2016 07:40

i want to die all i want to do is die