If my DC were older I would certainly ask what they'd like to do. As it is, I feel they're too young (and not in full possession of the facts) to understand the question or it's implications. Ds, who's the oldest, is a very kind, thoughtful child and has expressed his worry, more than once, that daddy is lonely. Obviously that is not true but ds would base his decision on this belief. I'm not prepared to put the pressure of this decision on their shoulders as the answer will hurt one or other of their parents. I believe it would be asking them to choose one parent over another. That's not in the interests of the DC. That's too much responsibility for a 5&6 year old to bear. It's my job to shoulder that burden.
And, if when I tell my DC what Christmas Day will be, I know they will be sad not to see daddy but I will make sure they know that daddy won't be alone.
Mutual friends have mostly taken one side or the other. Those on my side are disgusted with his behaviour. Not least because of his behaviour since we separated.
I'm obviously unaware of the opinions of the ones who've taken his side. I'm presuming they are not in full possession of the facts either as I'd find it difficult to comprehend anyone knowing what he's doing, and not condemning him.
I'm fairly certain his parents aren't privy to all that he's inflicted though I can't say if he's been more open about what I've said/done to him.
In isolation, I'd guess that some of those things sound pretty awful if not seen as retaliatory to provocation. For eg I've withheld his "share" of the profit from the trade in of my car. But this was after his repeated threats of withdrawing hundreds of pounds of monthly maintenance.
I'm guessing he's pretty convincing in making me out to be the bad guy since he obviously believes that to be true. The friends who are on his side are all originally his friends. From school in most cases. And not people who we've generally had in our close circle for many years.
I'm including mil and fil in this group as I have not discussed anything with them about their sons behaviour before, during or after the split. I made clear to them from the outset that I didn't want to put them in the middle mainly because they'd eventually forgive him and I needed to maintain a relationship with them for my DC; and wanted to, for me.
It's so difficult. I want all his allies to know what he's doing and what he's done. I want people to see and understand I'm not the villain here but I won't publicly share his vile behaviour because one day our DC will be privy to it and I don't want them to find stuff out by looking back old Facebook posts and reading the messages their dad and his mistress were sharing the night my ds was poorly in hospital.
Lcb and his nastiness will be found out eventually, but it won't be me who exposes him. I very much hope ow sees him for what he is very soon and she does it for me. Though, from what I can gather, narcissists like LCB, get away with it more often than not because their victims are ashamed. I'm not ashamed but until they're old enough to cope with the fallout, I need to protect my DC from the hurt of finding out what their dad is and what he's done to us all with his selfishness. And, if that means I look like the bad guy to his enablers, I'm ok with that. My reputation is not my concern here.
On the kitchen front, I'm not hanging about as I'm replacing a 30 year old kitchen which, due to leaks ignored by previous tenant/landlord, has been slowly rotting away for god knows how long.
I didn't go with Ikea in the end as, although I think their mid-high end are great quality, the low end are much flimsier. I got a better quality kitchen from howdens for a similar price. Also it's costing a lot less to have it fitted than the Ikea one would've.