Anyone up? DH is leaving me follow up thread. Onit's on it!!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Link to my last thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me?msgid=62446916

It's hard to detach when he's demanding ridiculous amounts of time with the DC and grudging me being able to keep a few grand of savings from my inheritance.
It'll go quick enough on fixing up the house but obviously he's not happy I've landed on my feet. I wonder why he is so eager for me to be poor? If I'm poor, his DC are poor, and therefore disadvantaged. He must know he won't get custody just because HE thinks I'm a bad parent. Or that I can't provide for them.
I'll be ok financially when I go back to work I think but that's not his doing. I believe he's trying to destroy me. He knows I'm terrified of ending up impoverished and alone. It wasn't enough for him to leave me for someone else, he had to make sure I knew our lifestyle and standard of living was all his doing. Obviously I contributed nothing to our life together.

I'm trying. It's why it's going through lawyers. I want to have fuck all to do with him. He is less than nobody to me. But, at least until it's all settled and I'm back to work and my new family unit is in a new routine, I can't detach totally. I wish I could just ignore the bastard but I can't. I'm reliant on him financially till I go back to work.
At least Im more sure he's not going to just stop paying spousal support for now.

It is. I would sooner not see my ex ever again really. That would be the way of a childless break up and it would be so much easier to recover if I didn't have to see him for kids stuff.
Try not to torture yourself with what he is doing with her-easier said than done I know.he's an amoral fucker and we shouldn't be surprised I guess.

I am trying to ignore for now. Can't do much till I see my lawyer anyway.

I did buy my kitchen this week but haven't a date set for fitting.

Got an assessor coming to look at the boiler too as I can probably get a new one fitted for free as the one I have is so old. Feel bad for my plumber though as it'll do him out of the work. But, if I save there I might be able to get him to change over my radiators which are as old as the boiler, or get my bathroom done.

All good things onit- you should be so proud of yourself-really.

DCs rooms getting started tomorrow Getting the walls filled and lining paper up. Then I'll be able to start painting. I'll be happier when their rooms are done and the good thing is it gives me something to do.

It's my birthday tomorrow so my present to myself is paying my painter & decorator to strip ds's room instead of doing it myself.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow onit in whichever order you choose

Happy birthday from me too.

The best revenge is living your life as best you can.
I've told you before ...in his eyes I wasn't meant to do well. I did lots of travelling after our split.
I wasn't meant to fall in love. I did shortly after our divorce was finalised.
I wasn't meant to outlive him.

He positively hated me as time wore on. I think I was meant to end up in the gutter.

So you keep on keeping on. Doing what you're doing.
That will rattle his cage more than anything.

This all reminds me of someone I know.
They had a nice lifestyle, 5 bed house and 2 children.
She got cheated on and the ow was quite wealthy. Her husband kept cutting down her money. House was getting into disrepair. She had no money to fix things at one point she had problems with hot water and he was happy to let his children live like that while she was eking out a living for them
She couldn't work owing to health problems.
He started demanding more contact time with them. She was heartbroken. She'd waited a long time for those children. They were ivf babies.
Anyway she did what you did and finally moved to a smaller house while Disney dads fortunes seemed to increase.
We've lost touch a bit but last time we spoke she had a new man who has brought some sparkle back to her life.

My children were too old for exh to play those games on me thank goodness. I wonder how he would have been and fortunately he left the country.
But it never ceases to astonish me that when a man no longer wants his woman how cruel they came be ( some of them) .

Oh and if you don't already do this here's a new tradition for xmas
Santas naughty little elves...buy some cheap toy elves ( felt ones are good with floppy limbs)...three. In the days leading up to Christmas each night have them do something naughty with them right at the centre of things

Leave toilet paper all over the lounge.
A bit of flour on the kitchen work top
A mince pie half eaten in the kitchen and them covered with crumbs whatever your imagination can come up with

These are the things they remember.

That sort of thing. My grandchildren loved that.

Happy birthday dear on-iiiiiit! Happy birthday to youoooooo!

Happy birthday Onit. I hope it's a good day for you.

Take a moment to reflect how strong you've been through all of this, what a fantastic role-model to your children and lots of other people. How you've ploughed on ahead and sorted such a lot out. How you continue to be there for your children. How you continue to live with integrity.

You've achieved so much and you should be so proud of yourself.

Happy Birthday Onit. You really are quite something.

Happy birthday onit!

Thanks everyone

Been a tough day.
Ds woke me this morning crying. Thought it was a bad dream but after a bit of a chat it turns out he's still trying to work stuff out. He's sad he doesn't see daddy as much anymore. That we're not a family.
Not sure if this is on the back of a weekend with LCB where they said they didn't really see him as he was playing squash on Friday night and out with his friend on Saturday night. They saw LCB from mid morning till mid afternoon on Saturday and from lunchtime on Sunday till he dropped them with me just before 5.
I did explain to ds that sometimes things like that happen. That sometimes they need to be babysat. But I am disgusted with LCB that he would schedule things on both nights he has DC. Especially when he is arguing to see more of them
Also, he's just signed both DC up to an after school class on Mondays, during his contact time, which I will collect them from. So he's restricting his own visits. Why? Anyone hazard a guess? Because I'm clueless.

I texted LCB this morning asking him to skype this afternoon if possible and told him ds was upset this morning.

Lcb is also missing next Monday's contact as, according to his text, he's not able to do it. He asked a couple of weeks ago if I could do it and I said of course. I assumed it was work or squash related. As it turns out he and ow are off for a week to the algarve.

I spent the day window shopping. Had someone in the house starting to decorate the kids rooms (well put up lining paper)
Did get a little morose eating lunch all alone. But DC had been so sweet this morning bringing me breakfast in bed and my pressies. I've lots to be thankful for.

He's trying to prevent you have them. He's making a stand, he will have them for x amount of time, even if he can't actually be bothered to spend that time with them. Power games, as usual. In the long term, it will be him that loses out.

I'm sorry you've had a tough day

I'm just lonely. And the constant low level stress and mid level fear is taking its toll.

Onit I don't know what to say to you. Really. It just all sounds horrible. So this really is to just acknowledge your loneliness and the awfulness of always feeling a bit scared. 💐

Keep a record of all this.

So requested contact over x period was y days. Actual days/nights was z.

Use it as the basis of contact agreement.

I agree with Wally.

Yes, definitely use it for your agreement. Also for Xmas, if the need arises

So he screeches for contact and leaves them with his mum to go out with friend OW on his weekend? Fuck that onit!

I'm so sorry you felt so lonely on your birthday. it was never going to be easy.

He's just let me know he's going away for a long weekend and that's why he wont see them on Monday. He was going to tell them but now he'll say it's work. Nice that the lies he's telling are sitting more comfortably with him than the truth

I'm not sure if I should encourage him to tell the truth. I just want the kids to feel less rejected but not sure they'll differentiate between work commitments or the need for a dirty weekend with ow as obviously I'm not objective.
I offered for him to see them on Tuesday instead and he declined as he's not actually back before bed on Tuesday.
Is it telling he didn't ask to see them the next day? I just don't know what to think anymore.

Starting to question if it's becoming necessary to tell the DC about ow?

Also thank you for my birthday wishes. I'm a little less lonely today

Onit, don't cover for him. The fact he wants to lie about it shows he knows it's not acceptable. He's living it. Let him own it. Tell you are telling the kids he's gojng on holiday for a few days. Or make him do it.

Re the OW. I'm not sure about that yet. He may then use it as the catalyst for an introduction.

I'm sure though that someone else will be able to advise.

This is the man who is struggling financially? Wow, hate to see when he is flush. Unacceptable &. Unfair this early on to muck about with his contact times.