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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone up? DH is leaving me follow up thread. Onit's on it!!

980 replies

onitlikeacarbonnet · 20/07/2016 22:26

Link to my last thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me?msgid=62446916

OP posts:
myfriendnigel · 06/10/2016 19:18

Please please can we do what MrsDilligaf said. I'd like to transfer him. With my boot to be honest.What an idiot.

Well the sleep might help at least onit. Have you a local mind? They offer counselling at discounted rates sometimes?

Hope the solicitor went ok and the car stuff.

Mix56 · 06/10/2016 21:24

Hope you got the car, you don't even need to tell him the figures.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 06/10/2016 22:29

Tell him NOTHING!
Leave it all to solicitors.

onitlikeacarbonnet · 06/10/2016 23:45

Just off to bed but checking in.

Solicitor is writing a letter to LCB telling him that I've already told him I'm unhappy with his suggestion of lowering maintenance. That in order to come to a financial agreement all further discussion can be directed through my lawyer.
He took notes of everything and says he'll specifically mention the "insignificant" amount left in the joint account.

It's just as well I didn't go for the more expensive car as he's entitled to half the value as of the date of separation.

I did pick up the new car today though and it's ok. A bit of a downgrade but it's not important in the grand scheme of things. I've barely put 1000 miles on the old car (excluding holiday mileage) since the bastard left.
When LCB dropped the DC back home they were very excited about it.
Strangely, I haven't yet had a text or email asking for his half of that. Presumably he's off shagging the vapid, self-centred, alcoholic bitch and he's too busy.
Anyone want to guess what time the email will come?Grin

I got a wee flower arrangement and a kiss on the cheek from the nice guy at the garage when I picked up my car.

And I've had a friend round tonight who's husband of many years just left a few weeks ago after cheating on her. She's doing ok. Her DC are older. But it's amazing how it's all so similar.
Bedtime now. Didn't manage to get back to the pharmacy to pick up my script but I'll do it tomorrow. Promise.

Will also look into the cheap counselling stuff so thanks for the info siani, Mix and building
I have a friend who's recently qualified as a therapist of some sort and I've texted her to ask for ideas/recommendations if she has any.

I'm feeling much, much better tonight. Thank you for being there to help me through that.
Looking forward to cake and chat tomorrow at the schools Macmillan coffee morning.
Night all Flowers

OP posts:
Mix56 · 07/10/2016 07:42

Onit, This whole thing has been massive. You have gone from broken to Bodeccea. You have remained stoic & reasonable inspite of every low punch he has thrown forget the headboard
You have friends around you, you can ask for info & advice, that is what friends are good at !
Hopefully LCB & VSCAB (love it) will soon leave you alone.
& for what it's worth, if you are having a party for your DC,at your expense, in your house, then I wouldn't invite your cheating manipulative sad fuck of an XH.
Sorry, he left didn't he? Just what privileges does he keep?
If you except him being there, keep the receipts for cake ingredients for cake /drinks/balloons/sweets,etc & give him the bill. he wants half of everything after all, if it comes to £25. you know what you can say :o)

Mix56 · 07/10/2016 07:43

accept grrrr

6demandingchildren · 07/10/2016 08:18

Bet lcb wished his balls were as big as yours.
You are an inspiration xxxxx

building2016 · 07/10/2016 08:38

God yes, charge him his half for the party if he comes.

Although I've seen a few times on this board that it is best NOT to start itemising the children's expenses as it isn't only about that.

AgathaF · 07/10/2016 09:57

I'm so glad you're feeling more upbeat. Great that you've taken legal advice and got your sol on board too.

Is the party at your house? How do you feel about him going into your new home?

onitlikeacarbonnet · 07/10/2016 10:02

The party won't be at home. Ds wants to invite "everyone" Shock

I'll get prices for a couple of places and let LCB know. He can choose to pay or not.
I'm not the one being petty about money. If I was I'd be sending him the receipt for 2 winter coats and dressing gowns and slippers.
I'm sure I'd get the money for coats but I'd get knocked back for the other things 'unless they're also to be used in his house'
I know his MO now and explained it to my lawyer yesterday too.

OP posts:
UptheAnty · 07/10/2016 10:05

Just caught up onit, it's amazing to see how much wonderful support you're receiving on here.
I agree with the other posters who have said that you must really be pissing the lcb off with how well you're coping. To ask for £25 is just fucking sad. The bastard is obviously resorting to this kind of behaviour to try to upset you and provoke a response... much like a toddler having a tantrum.
Needless to say onit, I feel confident enough to state without knowing him that this situation has not panned out the way he expected.

Please spend sometime looking after yourself. Some nights you shouldn't bath the kids if you don't want to. Don't hold yourself to your high standards ALL the time. You are doing a fantastic job. You will have the life you deserve soon enough.
Flowers for onit Flowersand for all you lovely mumsnetters

Dowser · 07/10/2016 10:05

How despicable .
How low can you stoop.

He's needling you isn't he.
I'm afraid my gloves would be off at this point.

I'd put it in an envelope and take it to his parents and say ..can you give him this that he's demanded half of a meagre amount in the account...as right now...I really don't want to see him at all..

When I got divorced, I had a villa in Florida to sell. For three years, I'd kept it going all without his help but the last year I was really struggling with the bills so the solicitors agreed he would pay the bills and I would give him half.

So come sale day , he wanted his half. Not sure of the exact figure but the roof was €5000, mortgage was about €700 and about 3 months wOrth was owed, then electricity , water , phone, tv, pool guy, gardener and house manager ...so somewhere in the region of ten grand in dollars.

When I got the email I showed it to my daughter . I was already staggering under the weight of the cost of the divorce.

She went home and wrote her dad an email and it went something along the lines of...tomorrow I shall park my car on your girlfriends drive and will post the keys through her letterbox. You can take your money out of my car. I reckon it's worth about £8,000 and then you can leave my mum alone.

( several years previously she'd paid his friend to make her a cobra sports car from a kit. She paid but it was for her and her dad to share. Course by this time he was shacking up with other women and had no interest in the car. Anyway, her email must have brought him to his senses and he quickly replied and wrote off the debt himself)

I reckon you've got the upper hand bonnet and he likes it ...not a lot!

UptheAnty · 07/10/2016 10:09

Oh... and I'm very glad you've got a lawyer involved.
You've done lots of fighting on your own and done a fantastic job but it's time to get someone in your corner to do the fighting for you.
Get that big brain of yours a rest for a wee while Wink

myfriendnigel · 07/10/2016 10:17

What did the garage flower man look like?Grin
Good stuff from the lawyer onit-and glad you are feeling a bit brighter.

Mix56 · 07/10/2016 10:21

Dowser your DD sounds awesome !

onitlikeacarbonnet · 07/10/2016 15:06

Car salesman had a lovely geordie accent and a touch of robson green (not my type at all) about him. Also a wedding ring.

Your dd is fab dowser
I've been wondering how I'd handle it if ds did this to his wife in the future.
I like to think I'd not have to tell him to man up and do whatever makes his wife and kids life easier, regardless of how she treats him after what he did.
Then I thought about what Lin would be advising dd if she found herself in my position.
I'm pretty sure he'd not be advising her to do what he's expecting me to do.

OP posts:
myfriendnigel · 07/10/2016 15:11

Ah well- nice to get some flowers anyway :)

myfriendnigel · 07/10/2016 15:17

I said to my ex once what would you do if someone treated dd like this? Would you be angry with them? Would you tell her she just had to get over it In the same way you've decided I should?
He had no come back for that-it was the only thing I ever said to him that seemed to give him pause for thought.It didn't last long unfortunately but at least there was a glimpse of some humanity I suppose.

Kittencatkins123 · 07/10/2016 20:22

£25!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What an utter shitheel.
And just - how low can he stoop? I cannot wait for him to read the mention in the lawyer's letter and realise how objectively cunty and pathetic he's been. (Or we can at least live in hope).
To me, this man just seems like an utter fraud? Who is finally showing his horrendous colours now? How sad not to improve but to degenerate with age.
Obvious statement but you are so much better than them onit.
They can rot together.
Love to you and the cute DC. Are you making Halloween plans?

Dowser · 07/10/2016 20:49

Thank you mix and bonnet.
Yes she certainly pulled out all the stops.

Totally amazing.

Thing is..she would have done it as well

Kittencatkins123 · 07/10/2016 21:16

Dowser your daughter is kick ass!

onitlikeacarbonnet · 07/10/2016 21:54

About to take my sleeping tablet and head up to bed.

Seems like a defeat taking it as I've never, ever had problems sleeping apart from when my dc were babies. And I never had to resort to narcotics.

OP posts:
PurpleThursday · 07/10/2016 22:14

Onit, I just wanted to say that I am full of admiration for you. You are riding the waves and winning (I'm sure it doesn't feel like that at times). Keep going, one day at a time. You really are an inspiration. Be kind to yourself.

Kittencatkins123 · 07/10/2016 23:17

Onit you just need a bit of extra help during an emotional and stessful time. Getting a good night will make all the difference during a difficult time, lack of sleep is so debilitating (I get stress based insomnia). You'll be better able to cope and you can still only use them occasionally if you want. The ones I had were fairly mild but gave me such a lovely natural sleep.
Wishing you lovely dreams about your happy future.
Flowers

GipsyDanger · 08/10/2016 08:29

Hope your morning is going well onit. Just caught up, LCB is a utter cunt.