Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Sky oh no what a bummer!

( unless it's just an excuse to not have to see you lol ) 😱😀

Train of thought - I registered for match, but haven't subscribed yet. In 24 hours, I have over 800 views. That's insane - it can't be, surely? It must be bots or something?? There's so many, I can't even begin to go through them to see if it's worth subscribing. It's actually put me off, rather than make me pay for it

I think men do look at new women, fresh meat so to speak! You'll always generate a lot of interest when you initially join a dating site. Can you do your own search to see what men near you are like?

Just registered on POF!! Yay
Good I mainly look at it as a distraction. Would be nice to meet someone but being realistic here...any tips from seasoned online daters greatly appreciated.

Don't take it too seriously...
Be clear about what you want.
There's a lot of dross/timewasters/ guys who just want a shag
Take what pp say with a pinch of salt
Don't over invest
Try to meet or st least have a phone conversation really soon

Don't neglect other ways of meeting men

Have fun!

I meant to say fairly soon, not really.

What do you do if you're writing to two men, lets say A and B and the following happens: You're seeing A tomorrow. He seems nice, normal and funny and keen. But B likewise seems nice and may have a better work ethic. B hints at meeting up at some point.

I work hard and have pushed myself so I can have things I want. I don't want a new man to give me money, but I don't want to give him money either, want it balanced.

B is possibly better looking in a typical way, muscles and manly bald, but A is my previous 'type', dark messy hair.

Lilac The only way is to get to know them both by seeing both of them. Nothing wrong with that until you have the talk re exclusivity.

SkyRabbit The fact that he's moving there at all would instantly put me off him.

Well, I saw Audidriver last night and my word ... he so does it for me He's clearly been working out as his arms are HUGE but he still has a bit of a belly which I find VERY attractive (knows how to enjoy himself and likes food/drink) clearly. Handsome, clever, funny, big - all in one package...

single that's great! It's so exciting when you do meet a hot guy, makes it all worthwhile...😀

Lilac I agree with above advice and it's way too early to tell until you've spent time with them in RL. Pp are often not quite what they seem online.

OK, I am really sorry for taking up further forum space with this but I feel the need to respond to the post by Peachy821

I do know that if you use the hit statistics on your site you know where visitors came from, I run 2 blogs, 3 websites and work within an IT department. It was a way of publicly responding to a public blog with no comment section. So the answer to Destinysdaughter's question about commenting on her blog, this was it

As for the points in the blog post update:

• That conversation about my hair bands sounds accurate as on the spare keys is indeed where my wedding ring is kept. That is not what was originally implied in the blog though and shows that a spin has been put on things.
• We only had 3 dates due to my schedule?!? Did it conflict with itself? No, it conflicted with hers so I changed my childcare schedule around to rectify that. That is me being keen to see more of her, not the other way around.

I do not jump when my wife comes calling, we have an effective relationship where we help each other whenever needed because we both realise that the most important person in our daughter. She needs to see us have a good and working relationship which we do have. There is as much give as there is take, another reason why I was able to re-arrange the childcare schedule and MissBlog was not.

• I did not say forced, I said pressured. The pressure did not start on the night but on the lead up to it so I was prepared as I am a sensible guy and not a complete dick! Who's idea was it to have a date at home (direct quotes)?

04/06/2016, 19:05 - MrCycling: "Do you want to go out or stay in watch a movie?" 04/06/2016, 19:07 - MissBlog: "Let's stay in" 04/06/2016, 19:09 - MrCycling: "OK" 04/06/2016, 19:09 - MissBlog: "Your place or mine?"

• Dating others, see below statement from MissBlog of "I can't claim you yet" and me openly admitting I am still swiping.
• There was no talk of shutting down dating accounts or not, but there were statements like (direct quotes):

16/05/2016, 22:16 - MissBlog: "I've not been on it [tinder] for ages" 01/06/2016, 21:31 - MissBlog: "I haven't even been on for weeks" 01/06/2016, 21:32 - MrCycling: "You've said that before then come up as a swipe with a new account " 01/06/2016, 21:33 - MissBlog: "That was from before our second date lol!" 01/06/2016, 21:39 - MrCycling: "Doubtful, it looked like it had a photo from the 14th May.I don't mind, that's tinder for you" 01/06/2016, 21:40 - MissBlog: "Oi! You know I absolutely want you! We've only been out twice though, I can't claim you yet" 01/06/2016, 21:43 - MissBlog: "Ok, I updated the photos but I haven't actually been on and swiping, and that's the absolute truth!" 01/06/2016, 21:46 - MissBlog: "And if I came up with my other profile that means you're still on there too!" 01/06/2016, 21:47 - MrCycling: "I'm not denying it" 01/06/2016, 21:47 - MissBlog: "Ha ha that's ok!" 01/06/2016, 21:47 - MrCycling: "I've never made a statement to the contrary" 01/06/2016, 21:47 - MissBlog: "I never said you had"

• Red Flags? what's the point, I am not here to fling mud, I am just here to correct the one sided view of things.
• I am not denying saying "concurrent not sequential", I am being honest here and that is actually something that I said. I certainly did not squirm as you implied with an "erm…well….yes…" though, I answered honestly to the question "are you dating other women?" with "That would be accurate, is that an issue?"
• Sorry to burst any bubble but I am afraid that it was completely by chance I saw the Facebook profile. Other tinder contacts also appeared on the "people you may know" list so I can only guess that they were either looking at my page and that is why they came up, or that Facebook read my WhatsApp contacts (which it shouldn't as I did not give it permission to read my contacts).

The irony of this all is that I did only download PoF because MissBlog had mentioned it so many times, but I really didn't like it. However I did get someone contact me through there within 24 hours. I decided to go on a date with her because after the MissBlog debacle, what the hell. She remains the only date I have had from PoF and we are still seeing each other and are exclusive (PoF deleted). over 6 weeks and 20 dates in!

Sorry again for taking up space on the forum with this.

Lilacpink40
You definitely need to spend more time with both of them before making such a judgement. People can seem completely different online than they do in person, also it can take some time in person before the mask (if there is one) slips.

Thanks for advice. I'm keen not to be manipulated this time, but it will be hard to strike a balance between being excited (relaxing and trusting) and scoping truth.

I know that both men may not be The One, but then again what if one of them is?

Actually this is a bit fun that I haven't had for ages. I love being a mum, but being datable is a confidence booster.

Destinys I know He is so hot. I feel so lucky. I love to see a man who's almost bursting out of his shirt

Recycled this has really bugged you hasn’t it! Sorry it’s got under your skin.

Destiny your advice seems so sensible upthread about how to approach OLD- I’m still a newbie to it too and it’s good to have a reminder. The bit about not over-investing is the part that I really struggle with as I’m an all or nothing sort of person. So if I like them, I like them and am no good at all with playing it cool. So I’ve decided not to. (I’m not all declarations of undying love on 1st date but equally I won’t play the “let me leave them hanging for a reply for 87 minutes precisely” game.

My iron update: MrBadTiming I won’t even bother updating about him in the future actually as we won’t be in touch properly for a while. He may make a re-appearance (I hope) but nothing to report at the mo. MrWalls- had a date planned for last Tues, I had to cancel because car died that morning and knew that I was going to have a v v busy time so would be incommunicado for a few days. I thought he was cooling off before our cancelled 2nd date and was right- we’ve had some brief text exchanges but he’s backed right off.

Oh well. I still have MrWelshboy. We’ve talked a lot on the phone and have a picnic date planned for Friday early evening. He sounds great so far. But am very wary as I can’t quite believe it could be as good as I think it could be- I had looked at his profile on POF so often because it always stood out at me (was in fact the first one I ever clicked on POF) but I was just lurking and so hadn’t uploaded any pics. His profile is set to “must have a pic to message this user” so one evening I bit the bullet and added one just so I could message him. We’ve talked loads on the phone. I really like him so far. I am wary though as I think he could be one of two things: a) A complete player who is exceptionally gifted at knowing what women want to hear and is manipulating the whole situation to his advantage or b)a genuine person that I so far seem to be pretty compatible with (bearing in mind that I am trying very hard not to over invest but have put in quite a lot of thought about him). Have held back a lot of stuff on the phone after reminding myself of the rules of this thread! But he could be spot on. (Gift for understatement) So he’s either the best sort of bloke or the worst sort.

I’m normally pretty good at “reading” people in person though so I will hold back my judgement for Friday night. I am really excited though!

I do worry that in dating I’m going to have to open myself up to getting hurt and this terrifies me, still trying to untangle my head from a controlling XH- but nothing ventured nothing gained I suppose.

Sorry I’ve waffled. Need to get it all out there.

Have a good day all.

SicknSpan
It's not bugged me too much, on the whole I found it quite amusing and a little flattering. There may have been more than a few instances of creative use of the truth but I did score 8/10
I really hope that MrWelshboy turns out to be the perfect guy but it certainly makes good sense to prepare for him not being (though also try not to make him fit into a bad box in your head if he is good)

SicknSpan
Also on the MrWalls front, did you make an effort to re-arrange the date after you had to cancel it? I only ask because I have withdrawn from a couple of matches because they cancelled dates and did not specifically ask afterwards for a rechedule. In my mind I thought that if the cancellation was genuine that they would want to rechedule, if not then they are really interested and it was just an excuse.

*they are not really interested and it was just an excuse.

I wish there was an edit button

Just came on to say I currently have a half naked fireman in my bedroom!

Sadly... He's my brother in law dismantling a bed... 😀😀😀

Destinysdaughter thought you had hit the jackpot for a minute there

Destiny is he single and in SouthWest?

Hang on BIL doh!

My sister who is 55 met him in the sixth form at school. Apart from a time when they weren't together when she was at uni, they've been together ever since!

( lucky cow...) 😀

That's interesting Recycled that you now exclusive 20 dates in and seen each other 6 weeks, must be seeing one another a lot.

Still not sure where I am with Fireman, says he likes me a lot but can't say he acts like it to be honest. Don't get morning texts anymore, he does eventually send me a message but just feel very meh about it all now..I really like him but don't think he that into me

sparklesnpearls We are seeing a lot of each other (~3 times a week), as she does not have children she is very flexible and able to work around my schedule (she also lives very near my work). We are also very much in a new relationship bubble and want to see each other all the time. I am very hopeful that it will still be a strong relationship when the bubble inevitably bursts as I REALLY like her.

As far as Fireman goes, it could be that he is that into you but he has become a little too complacent far too early on? If so it may be worth reminding him how much of a catch you are and that he still needs to work!