Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I'd love to hear a man's experience of dating. I wonder if they have the same issues. All you male lurkers (i know youre out there!) come and give us your experiences.

Sparkles what a shame. Do you think he's a bit of a player?

Re men's experiences, I've heard a few horror stories from them mainly about the women looking nothing like their photos, ie a lot larger or older. Sometimes when women contact them it's to direct them to escort sites and sometimes it's men pretending to be women!

Was thinking about someone's comments upthread about being so fed up with it all that they're feeling a bit mean and practically baiting men on Pof. Think I'm feeling a bit like that today!

Also I have been on a more er 'casual ' dating site before where the ratio of men to women is easily 50 men to 1 woman and in the forums on that site some of them boast that they have more' luck'on places like Pof, which means that quite a few men are just using the dating sites as a way to sleep with lots of women and don't really have any intention of having a real relationship with them...

And guys seem to want to chat on Skype now. I really don't want to! Is this a 'thing' now?

I don't want to have to get dressed, tidy up, do my hair and makeup just to have a bloody conversation!

Yeah I'm like that destiny I bloody hate Skype, feel it's totally intrusive n just not needed.

Single mine all go 'poof' too and then reappear a week later saying 'hi babe'

Fireman doesn't act like a player when I'm with him. He away in Scotland this week with his children, he did say that it's very remote n the signal is crap so he uses wifi to communicate so he could be chatting to family etc..I even consulted my gut n that seems confused too!

I do have another iron but he waffles on a bit too much about his woes n bores me, we've not met yet tho so I'd like to see if he more interesting in person.

Sparkles A lot of Scotland (especially the holiday destinations) are really crap for mobile signals, plus if he is on holiday with his children there is likely not much time for casual communications via wifi. So I would give him the benefit of the doubt here.
SingleFab Trust me when I say that it is not bed of roses from the male perspective!
There are quite a lot of clever angled/photoshopped/old photos on profiles which are just all kinds of wrong.
The vast majority of women expect men to make the first move and be the ones to chase (what happened to equality) so it is impossible to know where you really stand.
A lot of women my age seem to have sole responsibility of their children (I have joint 50/50) so meet ups are very hard to arrange and you can just end up becoming effectively pen pals.
There are also lots of fake profiles trying to lure you in to many a strange thing.
I have also had my fair share of weirdos and freaks but there are gems out there too so is just a sorting game.

It's funny that chasing thing. I have contacted men myself or just sent a wink. However I've found that if a man is really interested especially after meeting he does tend to chase. And if he doesn't, he's really 'just not that into you'. There's also a horrid stereotype of women being 'bunny boilers' which I live in dread of.

Modern dating, huh?

Confusing!!

The only men I would be interested in have no issue with assertive women.... I've never chased, but if I like someone, I'm not going to sit around waiting for them to maybe contact me.

I hate being called 'babe'. Blew a guy out recently before even meeting him as he kept texting stuff like ' hi u ok babe?'

I don't know what it is about it that bugs me so much but it's a bit too 'hun' like for me! I'm just a bit of a snob really! 😀

Urgh, no 'babe'ing for me!

Was angsting with a friend this morning over whether tomorrow is friend drinks or a date with Bee. She reckons men don't really do friend drinks with a woman they didn't meet as a friend or know well as a friend. I'm not sure. I have loads of male 'just friends'. Argh.

I have male friends too. So I guess if we do then they do too?

But if a guy who I didn't know asked me out for a drink I'd assume it wasn't just as a friend.

We dated in January, but didn't maintain contact.

Destiny yes, I agree that places like Tinder and POF are hook up sites rather than dating/relationship sites but one thing that has struck me is that a lot of men are wise to the ‘relationship v hook-up’ issue and now do a very job of ‘pretending to be sincere in looking for a relationship’ in order to get their leg over. They know they won’t get as far with women by asking for a shag so they play the relationship card and let’s face it, it works. We’ve seen on here that those men stating that they want a relationship are just as likely to ghost as those that make their intentions plain. They play the game effectively. God yes, I agree with the Skype thing. Just as bad as Facetime. Who wants that? Plus the endless requests for pictures to wank to.

Sparkles if he’s in Scotland I’d cut him some slack. Every time I’m up there I can’t get a signal for love nor money. So infuriating. There’s little or no wi-fi either.
ReCycledParent I’ve heard that from male friends re the old / flattering pictures. They also say that a lot of women are ‘nuts’ too (whatever that means). I don’t have children but find that most men my age and a lot younger do, so that’s another fly in the ointment as I have experience of that dynamic and don’t want to come bottom of the pile of priorities after kids, ex-wife, friends, family and work which has happened in the past.
I must admit that I do make the first move. As I’ve said, I’ve never had men make the first move as they assume (so they say) that I have a husband/boyfriend/partner and that’s been the case my entire life. If they can’t handle an assertive woman then I’m not interested in them anyway.
Destiny I’m the same regarding the ‘Babe’ ‘Hun’ ‘laters’ ‘text speak’ types and I agree, it is snobby so I try to ignore my inner bitch and let it go. A couple of my irons use ‘Babe’ and they’re both intelligent, professional, well-educated, well-spoken types in person so I think it’s just a habit they pick up; I don’t know but I’ve never heard them use those terms whilst speaking. I’m wondering if it’s the influence of porn.

I think it was me said I was ending up 'baiting guys' - it's not something I'm proud of, but they do ask some fucking awful questions sometimes, so it's soooo tempting!

I've started playing photo bingo now though

1. Holding fish
2. Holding ex-girlfriend
3. Beers with mates
4. 'hilarious' photo with comedy glasses/hat
5. Skiing
6. Cycling
7. Sky diving (so many!! )
8. Photo of his kids without him in it (why???)
9. Inspirational quote

10. High heels/FSOG/whip photo 11. Bare torso

Highest I've got so far is 6 .....

Sky haha brilliant!

I read once that men call you babe as they're seeing a lot of women and it's because they can't remember all the names...

These behaviours are so universal amongst men I do wonder how they pick them up?

The hook up site I sometimes go on has a forum, a bit like MN (!) and it's brilliant cos you can ask guys stuff like this and they'll tell you!

I should ask about 'babe'...

Great list SkyRabbit what is 10. High heels/FSOG/whip photo though?

Yes, some men use 'Babe' so that they don't accidentally call you by someone elses name. A bit like 'Hey Beautiful' which can be group texted to multiple women first thing in the morning and then they watch who takes the bait and focus on them for the rest of the day. I blame Reddit. Plus all the 'how to be a player' sites out there.

Destiny which site?

Up-date.

Well Audidriver is still quiet and hasn't replied to my text sent on Tuesday night. He hasn't been active on WhatsApp though either so I don't feel too bad. I may have to resort to inviting him over directly which he normally responds enthusiastically to.

MrIT hasn't suggested getting together even though I've told him that I'll be in his neck of the woods tomorrow night. He seems keen to get together where I am instead (50 miles away from him) which makes me suspicious that he may be attached.

RichardGeer is e-mailing but not at all flirtaceously which is annoying and has simply said, "yeah, if you're ever over here give me a call..." which smacks of 'can't be arsed but if you're here anyway...'

The other ex is still WhatsApping even though he lives with his girlfriend of 5 YEARS! I'm ignoring him. May have to block him.

SkyRabbit I have to admit to being guilty of No.6
On the other side of the fence, women seem to favour:

• Landscapes/Cityscapes without them in it
• With (what I assume is) ex-boyfriend
• In a group (which one is she?)
• Photo of her kids without her in it (viewing a dating site/app with kids on it is disturbing to say the least!)
• Inspirational quote
• Trout pouts
• Photos at odd angles/ big distances
• Studio session photos

Ha I've got photos of me on holiday as they are the only ones of me I've got that are half decent! i did have one of me at a party wearing a long skirt and a corset but was getting too many sleazy messages...

single oh that's frustrating! Sometimes multi dating, although it should protect you from disappointment, sometimes it's worse when they're ALL being fuckwits...

I don't understand why men make so little effort to get a decent photo of themselves. It makes such a difference and women are visual creatures too. They also rely on the 'mise en scene' to make them look manly with their tigers and big fish etc.

Recycled what are your thoughts, being a bloke n all...

ha ha ReCycled I can see the parallels.

Both lists indicate people's keenness to show:

-love of travel
-desirability
-sportiness
-has sense of humour
-is likeable and has friends
-has kids (so deal with it)
-Beliefs
-that they are sexy in a non-overt way
-artistry?

Destinys ohhhhh I forgot about the tigers!!! I can't quite believe how many people have had their photos taken with poor tigers!! The poor tigers look sick of their lives!

The lists are pretty similar though aren't they? Formulaic! It's like there's a list that people follow. Mind, mine are all selfies, on the basis I'm usually taking the photos, not in them, and I avoid them at all costs usually!
Jeez, I'm so bleeding cynical it's no bloody wonder I'm single