Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Clawdeen As it is Friday I hope you added a nice bottle of wine to the delivery!

Yes, enthusiasm is important. There needs to be a little bit of bouncing off each other! It is hard work if not, and I always find the more effort you put in, the less they do... Either bin it, or respond at his level. If he ups his game, great! If not, you have your answer without having wasted time and money on a baby sitter in the meantime.

So Brown Eyes and I are definitely seeing each other tonight. We said about eating together, but I have zero desire to cook and we are both massively into out fitness, so not sure what to suggest food wise?!

I am so nervous!

Oops, I did it again I replied to the wrong person!
That post about slagging off exes was for prosecco!

Sky that was a perfect opportunity... Why do they ignore such witty cues!

Clawdeen I agree re the enthusiasm, at the moment he is sounding too laid back/disinterested to waste £40 on a babysitter.
I cancelled a date with one guy from OKcupid a few weeks ago because he just wasn't showing much interest, despite asking to meet within a few messages. He sent a few texts asking things that made me feel like I was bring interviewed for the 'post' of girlfriend ... What annoyed me about other people? Which three famous people would I invite to dinner? That sort of thing, then once he had ' decided we were compatible' (his words) he hardly spoke to me all week! Like he was just waiting for the coffee date.
No thank you!

Yup sky and that was more than a cue, that was a huge, should-be-obvious 'ask me out, please!!'
Whenever I do cues, I feel a bit daft afterwards if they don't take them. I feel like it's not because they missed the cue, it's because they don't actually WANT to ask me!
Maybe that's just my lack of confidence sometimes, though.

Just took up misszps suggestion and texted Invidisible to ask if he wants to meet up this weekend. I'm not in the bear of moods today so feeling a bit fed up of texting about nothing in particular. Plus, given the fact we never got to meet last time (three years ago) and this time he seemed keen to meet ASAP, I'm not going to wait for weeks waiting around to be asked again.
He has known all week that weekends are my only child free time, so If he says 'no' to this weekend with some flaky excuse I think I will just 'withdraw my interest' and see what happens.
In other news, I've decided to make a Tinder-friendly FB account and give that a go. I'm not really a FB user, dislike it in fact, and not willing to have a dating app linked to info and photos I only share with people I know in real life.

Witches If you are fed up of just texting and there being no action I think you have done the right thing. I get how frustrating things can get when there is no progression when you would like there to be! Keep us updated on the response :)

PS I didn't realise this had been a three year long thing! You definitely have done the right thing!!!

Grr at all the frustrating irons going on at the moment - is there something in the water?!

I'm seeing 'Mr Toothbrush' this weekend. We have transitioned into gf/bf territory and I feel about 18! But what on earth do you call a 50-something - 'manfriend'? Lover?!

And he sent me a pic of a drawer he's cleared for me....serious stuff!

Ooh, robots...a pic of The Drawer of Commitment, love it

I get the ridiculousness of calling a 50-something 'my boyfriend' but have no good alternative to suggest...Good friend? Close friend? 'Partner' seems too serious for the early stages....

misszp it hasn't been going on literally for three years, even I won't wait that long to be asked out! We chatted on POF when I first tried OLD about 3 years ago, liked each other but didn't ever get around to meeting because he got too busy with work, then my circumstances changed, so after about 6 weeks of chatting online (never exchanged numbers) I gave up and left the website. At the time I wasn't sure if he was just a time-waster.
I started chatting to him online again recently, he sent me a message but I didn't know it was him as he didn't have a photo. I liked the way he chatted so even though there was no photo, I thought I may as well carry on, then he revealed it was him. He seemed more dtermined this time, was asking for my number (didn't do that before) -Once he had my phone number he sent some photos so I know it's him, and some photos of he and his daughter on holiday. Said he always regretted not meeting me last time.
Was VERY keen to met up quickly this time, when he got back from the holiday and I thought I'd give him a chance. But I'm wary, and not so naive as before...I'm not going to put up with flakiness 2nd time around.

Where did you meet him robots? I'm trying to find out on which sites you ladies are finding these suitable men, because they aint on POF, that's for sure...
Have hidden my profile on there now, and only have a browse when I'm bored.
Have my new Tinder account and FB profile up and running...it's all new to me, this swiping left and right, but a few people have matched me already. I feel too unsure to message any of them yet, I want to get used to it a bit first.

Argh, way too busy day at work to catch up with the thread properly!

First of all thanks for your replies re the red flag! I am glad to hear that my gut feeling was right!
Clawdeen I do worry too that being single again after a long time I wouldn't notice red flags..
Well done for booking the supermarket delivery for tonight! Hope there is wine..
I do agree that if you are arranging a date some enthusiasm/interest should be in messages. Especially if you are about to spend money on a babysitter! Like Skyrabbit said some guys just don't appreciate the effort we have make to arrange a date..

misszp Good news about tonight and Brown Eyes does sound gorgeous! Keep us posted! Did you decide what to do about food? Is there any healthy take away you could you get/order in?

Witches Well done for contacting Invisible about meeting this weekend. I was going to suggest that too, at least you will know and like you said if he is flaky again you can pull back. I'll keep my fingers crossed that he won't be flaky!
Also let me know how you get on Tinder. I am thinking of joining too but I think I will create a Tinder related FB profile too as don't really want to link it to my real one.

Robots How lovely that he sent you a picture of the drawer!

Skyrabbit that was so very clear cue!

Sorry if I missed anyone! Will try to catch up properly on the way home!
No dates for me this weekend but will look forward to date updates!

Witches Ah I see now! Apologies! I think you have still done the right thing by asking him for sure :)

Prosecco No I am waiting for his response (this is what I mean!). So in either instance if we end up eating together it will be takeaway or popping out for food. I am too nervous for food anyway (This NEVER happens!).

Robots - also agree about the drawer picture! Very sweet!

Ah robots that made me smile. How sweet.

I had a date yesterday there was no spark from my side physically of personality wise either. But he seems keen and I Feel a bit bad.

I've got no other serious irons at the moment but Pof is sometimes more active at weekends. Fingers crossed!

Witches I met my latest on POF so don't give up yet but I almost did when I saw him and messaged as he was about to hide his profile as he wasn't keen on the place!

I'll call him Mr Fireman (he is one )

Had 2 dates now n I'm smitten, nothing to do with the fact he is gorgeous and seems to be a really nice guy! I've now got the problem of finishing mr tall who is a nice guy but once I met mr fireman well he just left me cold

I'm getting the morning text which shows their interest I've found... Waiting for him to suggest date 3 now ...

No, I won't give up on pof entirely, I just hide my profile now and then.
Am currently having my very first chat on Tinder, for some reason I'm very nervous, even though I'm not new to OLD. Think it's because there's literally not much to go on, just a photo and a couple of lines he's written about himself.
I complimented him on his photos and he replied 'thanks, you look quite acceptable yourself'
Acceptable? Acceptable?!

Oh, and as I suspected, Invisible said no to the weekend. Well, he didn't say no but didn't want to 'commit' to a time ... This is the text I got:
"Was trying to think of a convenient time.... I am helping neighbours with a large event that are having..... So difficult to say what the weekend is going to involve ... I want to meet but difficult to commit".
Bit of a change from last week, when he was saying we should meet ASAP, before the end of this week etc.
I think the clue lies in the 'difficult to commit' part... I think he's going to be time-wasting again.
I just sent a brief 'OK. Let's leave it for this weekend then' and am not going to text him again until he contacts me. I MUST.NOT.CHASE

witches I think MrInvisible likes the chase and the intrigue fuck him. Remember You are the prize!
And the acceptable comment I would probably say myself in a 'you're not so bad yourself ' kinda way? Keep chatting and see if it was a blip?

I went on a first date the other night (just a beach walk) for the first time on POF.

Found we didn't have much in common and is it wrong that I wasn't keen in the end because he couldn't spell? I'm no expert and the odd misspelling is normal but every time her messaged there would be loads of spelling mistakes such as "are" instead of "our" and "lieing" rather than lying It really bothered me!

He also didn't seem to be good at a lot, for instance can't cook, knows nothing about cars, is a bit meh really. Plus he said his ex (mother to his 2 kids) is a loon. I don't want the hassle of taking on a loon.

Did I do the right thing in not contacting him again? I feel I did.

Witches I wouldn't even worry about invisible if that's the case. Go cold. If he wants to chase he will!

My date is running late. Which is fine but surely as we've had it planned forever, it doesn't take too much planning to be on time (I never know as I can be OCD about planning)?! He didn't say why either which makes me question how casual he is about it all (more casual than I had first perhaps thought).

Sparkles.... I like the sound of fireman! What set him apart from Mr Tall out of curiousity?

Basics- anyone who slags off their ex at such and early phase is one to probably bin... Huge red flag! Plus I like someone with a bit of passion too. And I'm also fussy about spelling. A little error is fine, we are all human/have reasons why, but basic English done badly for no particular reason puts me off!

Well you see I will say my ex was controlling and possessive, purely so they know I don't want someone I have to walk on eggshells on (that's all I say even though my ex was actually very emotionally abusive and had hit me too.)

When I told him my ex was controlling and possessive his response was "my ex used to say I was like that too." THAT was a red flag and I asked him why she thought that and he said it was something about her wanting to go out 4 nights a week. Sounds a bit all round to me.

Backtobasics no that doesn't sound good at all. I can't cope with control freaks either was with one 11 years...couldn't breathe.

Misszp tall guy is like all the other 'nice' guys I've dated.... Mr fireman is NOTHING like them, I really fancy him for one, he a bit cocky but not sure if that's just a front...

Claw all my friends are tiny too! 5 foot and think the tallest is 5"3 its just so hard I see lots of great looking/promising sounding guys online them see on there profile that they are 5"7 and it just really puts me off

As for the thanks but no thanks text I send to send this

Hi thank you for a great evening I really enjoyed it. Sadly I didn't feel a connection but wish you all the best in your search