Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Interesting not inserting !!! Non of that on a first date

That made me laugh whatamIdoing! I didn't realise Mr V Tall was the blind guy, glad it went so well.
AND planeman back to normal as well, someone's a lucky girl

starskey long-distance guy sounds fab. And yours, Tuliptime

Can I ask all the over-forties (I'm 48) which dating websites you are on? Where are you finding these interesting, attractive, intelligent, funny, polite mature men who are great in bed?!
I was browsing POF last night and frankly, it was depressing. Lots of 'i aint gonna write more my spelling is shite, if you wanna no ask me' and photos that look like they've just got out of prison/a National Front meeting/ bed.

I think I'm definitely on the wrong websites.

witches I'm also 48 I met planeman on plenty of silver fish a pof for over 40s you have to pay I paid for 1 month. Met him day 2 and never spoke to anyone else.

I've still got a subscription on match which i took out for 6 months in April met 4/5 guys through that 1 particularly nice one I called car man ... Still rankles he got away! That account is suspended as I hated the knowing they've looked But not thougt you worthy of a message and if I messaged they never did back.

mr v tall is off tinder as is the other one. And for now 3 is enough!!'

I'm finding this thread so helpful and inspiring.

Also impressed by all the interesting/good in bed irons!

Well my date from Friday has asked for a second date. He's very sweet and his texts have been thoughtful/amusing but I'm just not sure. He's a good 3-4 inches shorter than me and was quiet in person. I might give it another go but am busy until next week. My friend thinks it would be kinder to say thanks but no thanks now so he doesn't get his hopes up.

How do you phrase a thanks but no thanks text? I have never done this before and am such a people pleaser it is causing me a lot of angst!

Other than that have been asked on a date by an iron who has published some articles in the field I work in and wants me to read them. To me that sounds a deathly dull night but I guess it would give us something to talk about. Just need to get my enthusiasm up- when a babysitter costs £10 ph it sets the date threshold rather high!!

Oh claw difficult if height is a problem did he tell the truth about his height could you use that as a nicer way? I am heightist at 5ft 10 I expect them to be at least 5ft 9 and if they've lied that would be a deal breaker. Otherwise maybe just a I had a lovely time but ... Type text.

Well planeman has booked us a night away next week in a nice hotel ... this is his way of grovelling after the weekend ...and also our holidays mean we won't see each other for 6 weeks as I have 2 weeks then come back the day he goes for a month he's trying to bank some brownie points.

Ooh a night away in a nice hotel- that sounds fab!

His profile said 5 foot 7 (as does everyone on Soulmates that seems to be messaging me!) and I'm 5ft 9. He seemed a lot more than 2 inches smaller. Turns out he lives on the road behind mine so want to be honest yet kind as I will no doubt bump into him all the time now!

Oh difficult then...Id just say he's a nice guy but you didn't feel that it would work out. I got told once there was no chemistry...maybe word it a bit nicer. Or alternatively remember the MN moto No is a complete sentence..."do you want another date claw " ? "No ! "

Clawdeen and what I am 5ft8 and I prefer men to be taller too. At least 5ft9 as I love a heel, but if I like them that much, then 5ft8 I can handle. I think a lot of men lie about height so I always subtract a couple of inches from what they say in their profile! I get that height is part of the attraction, hence making your compatibility decisions based partly on this.

What so you have patched things up with planeman? Sorry if you have already said, but did he explain himself for his mood swing?! I hope you have a lovely time away!

So I think #5 will be at mine tomorrow, perhaps with food out first and then a few drinks. His texts are now somewhat short/unchatty (but then we do talk a lot by text and perhaps don't need to as we do get on so well in person?!). I don't want this to be a drinks, hang out, sex scenario each time I see him (although we are both knackered after busy weeks and just want to chill this time!), how do I set the standard? This iron needs a name, but no idea what to call him... Maybe Brown Eyes, given that he has the most beautiful dark eyes.

Also added a new Iron from Tinder, who I will call Coach. We have been chatting a few days and I think we would get on. I don't know whether to suggest meeting Saturday night as he is fairly local to me?

Claw the highly thing is s nightmare! I'm 5"7 so my profile clearly states looking for 5"10 and above (sorry but I like wearing heels and don't want to be taller than a men, makes me feel like man in drag)

I'm not having much luck with irons at present, wit I was chatting to the other day turned out he lives/works in Cyprus 90% of the time, I suggested that it prob wasn't worth it if he is never in the country and he went quiet only to then message me again last night and very quickly got onto the "would I be a good housewife" "walk around in heels and stockings all day and in return be well looked after and never have to work again" seriously!!!! Anyway his profile says he 46 but he only has 1 pic and he looks very young in it more around the mid thirties so doubt his profile is real.

Also just started chatting to s builder, seems ok and he suggested meeting over the next week so may go with it and see where that goes

Clawdeen I struggle with the thanks, but no thanks texts too - following for suggestions!
In fact, I need to do that with yesterday's date - ok guy, but did spend quite a lot of time telling me how much he disliked people in my profession and did make a slightly homophobic comment. Now I think about it, not so nice!!
Height I'm also pretty hot on - I'm nearly 6' so it matters! All you shorter girls - hands off the tall guys!! My pool of people as tall as me or taller is small enough as it is!!!!
Eagerly watching out for suggestions for other sites with hopefully more intelligent blokes too - I'm so sick of the idiots on POF!

And what - wooo hoooo for planeman getting his shit together!!!

Patched up miss not really discussed that's a conversation for face to face, he's not the best texter lots of missing u and u ok babe. But not long conversations like that, in the light of the prospect of mind blowing sex I'm willing to wait..I'm actually not that bothered now. I know what he's like stuff takes over and he forgets...he's been on his own 5 years used to just doing what needs doing.

I'm with sky anyone shorter than 5ft 9 get your hands off the tall guys! Though mrvtall was 6ft 4!! Not been with anyone that all for a long time ...

I'm 5 ft 3 and the guy I'm currently dating is 6 ft 3

Should I shut the door on my way out?

PS I am totally trying to keep up here but I've had a busy couple of weeks and every time I blink there's so much to read hahaha! Glad to hear everyone's cracking on well though

Flip How extremely greedy of you!

Brown Eyes goes against my usual choices. He is only an inch or two taller, but we get on well in person, AND he has the face and body of an Adonis (Not kidding, I could almost grate cheese on his abs!). Oh gosh just thinking about him makes me feel a little giddy. Fuck, I do not want to do this to myself as I have a feeling he may flake on tomorrow.

PS Flip - how are things going with him?

Thanks whatam1doing I may check out plenty of silver fish and tinder, then. Though at 5'2" I am clearly going to be left with the 'small but perfectly formed' brigade! Ah well...I always had a soft spot for Michael J Fox in the 80s...
A night away in posh hotel with Planeman? Things are looking up! Can I have your tall blind guy if you don't want him?

I am not sure what Invisible is up to at the moment. There is always a morning text when I wake up, a fairly consistant number most days, and I'm not chasing, but now no sign of asking to meet. I find this odd given that last week when he was on holiday he was keen to meet when he got back.'Before the end of next week' were his words. Which would be now.

I did mention the other day that I am not free til the weekend due to childcare issues, and asked if that would be a problem...that was his cue to ask me out on the weekend, but he missed it :-(
Didn't say a word about it, in fact.
Dying to ask if he wants to meet up myself, but don't want to look pushy...I get the feeling he is a little shy, He's mentioned several times about friendship coming first before shenanigans, albeit he does do flirty banter...I don't think he's a sex on the first date type at all.
Ah well, I am not actively looking anyway, so am happy to text for now I guess, but I wish they wouldn't imply they are keen to meet and then make no effort to arrange it!

Gosh theres lots to catch up on. I've been lurking a bit and now posted a few times so if feel like i know some of these stories.

Tulip i hope you find some fun activities to do together outside of your bubble

My dates with mr.wall (linked to his job) have been phone ones so not real ones so far. I like him lots, he's funny, clever, a bit cheeky and pics are good too. I'm just hoping that when we meet there are sparks because if I fancy him in person as much as i do on phone/text and he likes me too then it could be a lot of fun.

Just so worried that we are after different things. My pof profile said dating but nothing serious, as did his, but mine is more "dating but nothing as serious as moving in together, definitely not looking for one night stands and wants connection of brain and looks"

I'm not asking for too much am i?!!

Funny that there are a few of us taller ladies here. My RL friends are much shorter than me and think that I should go on dates with smaller men just to see but datingbarb your comment about feeling like a man in drag is spot on! I just can't help it.

Still haven't sent the thanks but no thanks text despite your helpful tips what and sky which is bad of me I know. His texts are very amusing and entertaining, such a shame.

misszp brown eyes sounds gorgeous. Wow!

witches I totally get the frustration about texting back and forth and no mention of a date- it becomes like the elephant in the room. I have a weird sort of dating thing with a RL iron (also short!) which has evolved into a sort of FWB arrangement but initially he would happily write backwards and forwards for weeks without ever suggesting meeting up. So infuriating; we don't want pen pals!

sickandspan what you are after sounds spot on and not asking too much at all! That's what I'm after too.

I'm in a dilemma about an iron I'll call mrinventor. I think I'm probably giving him more interest than his messages deserve as he's over 6 foot and ok looking ( which is a first). However, his messages haven't been fun or flirty or even mildly entertaining and he wants to go for a drink so I can read something he's written. He hasn't suggested a time or venue, left it up to me. I sent a message yesterday morning suggesting tonight and to let me know as I'd ask my babysitter last night. I only got his message 'yeah sure' when I woke up this morning. I could call my babysitter but it doesn't feel like he's making much effort? Or am I being picky? It would only be my 2nd online date so part of me thinks I should go for practice but surely I should be feeling some enthusiasm?! If it had been term time I would have met him for a day time coffee but the thought of spending £40 on a babysitter is definitely influencing my judgement! Do I go or not??

Clawdeen Brown Eyes IS gorgeous, he makes me swoon. It makes me feel quite shy around him, and to be honest I usually have an 'I am what I am' attitude. I honestly feel like he is 'too good' for me, but then I also think what nonsense! We have agreed on tonight, but his effort texting his been slack the last few days. He has yet to agree a time, although he knows what time I will be free from. It is just a casual night though and I did say 'just let me know later today', so I only have myself to blame! Still think he may pull out though, I really hope he doesn't, but I have made back up plans in case. Trying not to get caught up but I can't help myself.

Personally regarding MrInventor - I don't feel that chasing should be one sided! Sounds like he is either too laid back, too lazy, or expects the effort to come from you. In any of those it would be a big fat no from me, especially if he has not confirmed anything and he knows you need to arrange a babysitter! Unless he gives you a day and time, don't waste your money.... Busy yourself with something else... MH comes in handy in these scenarios! Also.... I only put as much effort in as the other person, so I would be pulling back.

Sick I think what you want is perfectly fine and I definitely wouldn't worry! Has there been talk of meeting?

Witches Why don't you bite the bullet and just put it out there? At least you will get an answer one way or the other!

Just a quick question: I was speaking on the phone with an iron the other night and he made couple of pretty negative comments about his exwife and mother in law. I thought it was a bit weird as that was the first time we talked on the phone! I mean my STBXH cheated on me but I would never start slagging him off to an iron..!

So would you consider this a red flag?

Clawdeen Similar thing happened to me with RL iron, I did arrange a babysitter and we did eventually meet up in the evening in question but it did really annoy me that he was so elusive and last minute about it! But I did really like and fancy him.. (In the end he ghosted me couple of weeks later.. )

From purely reading your message about him, I am not sure if he is worth spending £40 on a babysitter for..? You don't sound that keen?

Off to catch up with the thread now!

Prosecco I think the way someone speaks about their exes is very telling about the type of person they are.

To me, it is a huge waving red flag.

Thanks misszp! I did definitely made me feel pretty uncomfortable!

He also got pretty defensive about something else earlier during messaging and it kind of made me wonder if he is quite a bitter person..

misszp I have my fingers crossed for tonight and brown eyes. I think it would be impossible not to get caught up in the excitement. Great you have back up plans but hopefully you won't need them.

Really useful advice re Mrinventor. I think I was pushing it just to meet up and get a bit more dating practice. Had totally forgotten about MH! You're so right! In the absence of hearing back from him yesterday, I've actually booked a supermarket delivery for tonight so I am in theory now 'busy' tonight- though won't tell him why!!

Time for prosecco yes, you're right I don't think I'm that keen. Wasn't sure if I was just being picky but actually some enthusiasm/interest from the messages is important isn't it?

timeforprosecco Definite red flag and my CBT counsellor who is a clinical psychologist said the same ( not about you! But when I was discussing my nervousness about dating again after such a long time and how I was worried that I wouldn't know a red flag if it hit me. Slagging off exes /laying all the blame on them for relationship breakdown was the first thing he said)

The tall thing is something that really curtails some dates isn't it? It's funny clawdeen that your friends want you to try dating shorter guys - would they?
MrInventor needs to get his finger out, and make a bloody effort! I don't think some guys appreciate the effort we have to go sometimes in organising dates - the babysitter, the cost, what we tell the kids etc etc. On the whole, they just have to turn up!

and I'm slightly miffed today - one of my Tinder irons has popped back up (he was working away, so we fell out of contact) - he's got an interview in the town I work in - he asked if there was anything to see around here. I replied 'Yes! me!' and then told him about various other things to see. He replied with 'well of course you're a cultural attraction', and then thanked me and said have a fun weekend

Was that not his cue to ask me out? I'm not the fecking tourist information centre

clawdeen I know you're busy this evening now anyway, but just wanted to echo the other posters and agree that talking badly about exes is a massive red flag. In fact, Ibe read that's it's an absolute no-no, either in WMLB mentioned in the OP, or the Bruce Bryans book I'm always banging on about on here!