Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

He's being blind wouldn't put me off at all to be honest. At least you'd know it's YOU he is attracted to and not how you look.

I'd fantastic date with long distance boy and again it ran into all of next day
Amazing sex. Lots of chemistry.

Seeing eahother Friday. And I've been invited to his brother's for bbq on Saturday

Nothing wrong with that text what you have been seeing eahother in fairness so don't kick yourself over it.
Hope you hear back soon

Glad the blindness doesn't put you off, it wouldn't put me off either. And as you say, at least you know he likes you for YOU, not just looks.
Nothing wrong with the 'are you ok?' Text either. you have become close, you are in regular contact so it would be odd NOT to wonder.
Texts. Bah!
I say it again, dating was so much simpler before they were around. People couldn't just disappear so easily. They had to make an effort to call or visit. And they leave so much scope for misunderstandings, people take texts the wrong way far more easily than they can a phone or face to face conversation. I'm considering saying to any potential dates 'oh, I don't really text, I'm old fashioned, I like a phone call. Texts are just for a quick update, you can't have a proper conversation via text' ... That would probably scare off most of them

I've got another date arrange for thurs. I can't be bothered after Saturday's flop! I also have to arrange childcare which will probably involve taking my
Child with me on the train and dropping them at my sister's which isn't ideal but I suppose nothing is.

So in got text back off planeman to mine yeah just on a course.... ! Since Saturday night ....yeah right

whatam1doing hmmm... Sounds like he's doing the 'I don't really want to text you for now because you had a bit of a pop at me, even though I deserved it' thing.
even if he's been on a course since Monday (work-related?) a text doesn't take a minute to tap out, does it? I hate the old 'I've been too busy to text' implication. Nobody's that busy.
Well, Mr Invisible is back in uk and we are just trying to arrange something for this weekend.

witches sounds to me he's been out dating ...he's never too busy to text always a morning one as he starts work at 4am....I'm not bothered if he has we haven't had the exclusive talk and I'm out tomorrow with Mr v tall so ...We'lL see . Am a bit hacked off with him if I'm honest so leaving his message unanswered is making me feel better. Logged back onto tinder and had a few new matches may chase them up but may not ad I'm away in a fortnight so might just see how chemical and tall go.,

Hi everyone!

I braved it and joined OLD last week!
I've got an iron I have been chatting with since Friday. Messaged a lot then, then again on Sunday and we also spoke on the phone (which I think went well - although I was quite nervous!). But since then I haven't heard anything.. I did send him a whatsapp message on Monday but he hasn't even read it yet! (Two grey ticks..) I have seen him online on whatsapp though ( and now I know why people say that whatsapp is root of all evil! )

So would I now assume that this is it? I am sure he would have contacted me already if he was still interested?

In general how often do you chat with your irons? Like every day or..?

Sorry for all these stupid questions! I just really don't have a clue how this works!
Last time I was single was a long time ago
and things were very different then!

So sorry for the me me me post but I need some advice on a MH style text to send today!

The guy I slept with on date #4 has contacted again after his weekend away. He is chatty and his texts are again just about as regular as they use to be, but perhaps not prompting conversation as usual. I can't help but feel he is pulling back slightly. My male friend just told me to delete and move on, but I can't help but feel that would be wrong of me as I like the guy but at the same time don't want to feel like he is pulling back either so I chase, or so I get the hint to tale off communication, but either way I want to put it out there I have noticed so that I get a response from him which signals which direction he is feeling/heading. I don't want to know anything other than he is happy continuing casually, or that he is no longer interested! I am not interested in anything more right now (no, really I'm not!), but at the same time I don't like this grey area that is neither here nor there. What can I put without looking totally full on but that gets the message across, whilst maintaining the casual/flirty vibe we usually have?

Prosecco I think the thing with OLD, particularly those we have not yet met, you have to get use to the fact that potentially communication could drop off at absolutely any time, for any number of reasons. Don't take it personally, because it really isn't! Just keep browsing and seeing what is out there :) I talk to different irons different amounts depending on who they are, how long we have been chatting, if I have met them in RL etc.

Catching up on other posts as we speak!

witches sounds to me he's been out dating ...he's never too busy to text always a morning one as he starts work at 4am....I'm not bothered if he has we haven't had the exclusive talk and I'm out tomorrow with Mr v tall so ...We'lL see

Oh, I wish I was as resilient as you, whatam1doing....This is where I don't cope well with the whole dating thing. All that attention and support and being there for you etc a few weeks ago would suck me right in, and to think of them dating someone else and cooling off after that would really upset me. I'd be retreating to lick my wounds and cursing OLD and all men, haha!
Well, good on you for not letting it get you down and for getting back out there!

misszp
Arrgh...I hate the Grey Ticks of Doom too. Bloody whatsapp.

I'm crap at advising what to say in that situation, but I don't think I'd delete and move on just yet.

I hope someone else comes along with some help on what to say, but in the meantime can I just say that with regard to chasing/not chasing (and comunicating in general) a great book to read is 'Never Chase Men Again; 38 secrets to get the guy, keep him interested and prevent dead-end relationships' by Bruce Bryans.

I got my copy free on kindle, otherwise I'd probably never have thought of reading a 'dating book'. Ignore the ridiculously long cheesy title, it really is full of quite interesting and (probably good) advice on when to text/call/not do either. And explains WHY, which is the important thing. It also actually is in '38 points' form so isn't a long book and easy to dip into. I thought it was better than WMLB in the OP.

Thanks misszp. I definitely need to get a thicker skin, I would prefer if people were honest rather than disappear but I think that is the way it is nowadays.. Anyway very early days for me on OLD so a lot to learn!

I have no idea advice re what to text him but I would agree that don't delete and move on just yet?

Witches Grey Ticks of Doom indeed! I feel pretty deflated that someone hasn't even read my message I sent two days ago.. Argh!

Oops, the 'Grey Ticks of Doom' bit was for prosecco!!

I'd agree with misszp there, the unfortunate fact of OLD and texting is that some people do just disappear/act strangely/whatever. He may not have read it for any number of reasons, or it may be that he has changed his mind and can't be arsed to say so. Ignoring is never something I'd do, I'd always tell them if I've changed my mind,but then I'm a stickler for respect and good manners.
Keep an open mind on it ( if you like him) but DO NOT chase. Don't send more texts if he doesn't reply, as it will just make you look needy. Chat to your other irons, etc.
With regard to how often to chat, it's really down to individuals...depends how much time you have, whether it's online only or texting, whether you've met yet, how much they text you, etc....there's no set rule, just go with what seems right for you. I tend to let myself be guided by them (no idea if that's a good or bad strategy, mind!) so if they are texting a lot and showing a lot of interest, I'll respond to that. If they only get in touch every couple of days, same thing.

Thanks witches!
I am with you on being a stickler for respect and good manners, I am always honest with people even if it is not easy. It is just the way I am. I think my problem is that I expect other people to be as honest and a lot of people aren't. This guy is in his mid forties so I guess I expected more but you never know.

I will keep an open mind though.
But taking your advice onboard and definitely won't text him again, I have actually archived the conversation so I don't have to see the dreaded grey ticks!

Thanks for for all the advice! Hopefully this gets 'easier' in time!

Agree with Witches definitely do not chase, particularly this early on! I definitely tend to reflect the effort someone else puts in too with regards to communication. I won't over exert myself if the other person never does the same!

I haven't deleted and moved on, but I haven't replied to him yet, and we last spoke yesterday afternoon (usually we exchange at least 4-5 texts a day). It was just another text I thought to myself he is either just being chatty and not realising it stops conversation because I couldn't bounce back (which on occasion his texts are like that but he will always respond again!), or he knows it does and doesn't want a reply! I don't know whether to just drop him a text later asking how his day is, or to just say, are you still ok for Friday.... But he hasn't mentioned it since we spoke about it this time last week... So I don't know whether to play the waiting game, or just ask what his plans are.

Ask him misszp! Best case, you go out and all is well. Worst case, you know where you stand and don't have to keep waiting and wondering. It's a win win really.

Ask him misszp! Best case, you go out and all is well. Worst case, you know where you stand and don't have to keep waiting and wondering. It's a win win really.

misszp
Oh, well if there is a date arranged for friday (I didn't realise that, sorry) I don't see the harm in asking 'are you still ok for friday?' because I don't think of that as chasing, I think of it as just checking on plans. But I'm the type who double-checks plans with everyone, as I like to be sure of what i'm doing six months a couple of days in advance. People chopping and changing last-minute sends my stress levels soaring!

I am with you on being a stickler for respect and good manners, I am always honest with people even if it is not easy. It is just the way I am. I think my problem is that I expect other people to be as honest and a lot of people aren't. This guy is in his mid forties so I guess I expected more but you never know

This is me to a T, prosecco. OLD always disappoints me because I expect people to treat me with the same respect I give them, as I would in real life. But sadly, many people online don't think that way. I've had to develop a pretty thick skin, and not let rudeness/weirdness/general crap behaviour bother me so much. When it gets too much, I just stop using it for a while. I always say I'm never going to do it again, but I drift back now and again for a browse. See if there's any fresh meat!

Oh witches it's taken a lot of will power on my part to get that blasé about the whole dating thing. I will mull it over but have very much the attitude now that I am a prize they should be fighting for, if they're not that's their loss, plus I just look at the dates as lovely days out, nice meals, good/great company and in planemans case mind blowing sex so I've done well out of them!! non of my irons have been horrible even if it was just for coffee they got me out of the house and chatting on line has given me something to do.

So unsurprisingly this morning I've had a morning you ok text of planeman I obviously reminded him i exist yesterday. ...might reply later /tomorrow....

I'm back!!! Gave up for a while after the Mr Jamaica (great date, arranged second even down to time/date etc whilst on first date then ghosted me)

I'm on POF and tinder and to be honest it's just so drab, get around 10 messages a day from POF but seriously no one I would even respond to! Guy the other day seemed OK exchanged a few messages then it came out he actually lives/works in Cyprus so that's pretty pointless and yesterday exchanged a few messages with someone else (to early to name) but so far he hasn't called me Hun or told me I would look good naked on his table to we shall see

Been swiping away on tinder for the last day to and getting lots of matches so we shall see

Will try and keep up with what's going on but this thread moves to fast it's confusing

Oh, and something I've learned pretty quickly is that their age is not much of an indicator of manners...when I first started I imagined friendly, intellligent polite conversations and was thinking 'Thank god I'm middle-aged and don't have to put up all that ' hi hun wot u lookin 4?' text-grunting....

Erm......sadly, middle-aged blokes are often just as bad! And just as good as disappearing without trace and being generally impolite as anyone else.

Witch I get so much of the "wat you lookin 4" can't stand it

So many times I have asked them first what they are looking for and they reply "not sure Wot bout u" so I tell them and then they are like "yeah me 2" ..... Really two minutes ago you wasn't sure!

It's all so I have paid for match etc in the past thinking they might be better as if you have to pay then they are serious but it's exactly the same on there!

I think I will grow a thick skin and just ask him flip but I don't know how to word it, plus I don't want to be the one chasing or pushing this along! I guess there is a difference between actively chasing and then just following up on plans right?

Oh, match.com was the very first one I tried, datingbarb...So I learned early on that money is not necessarily a good indicator of quality!

To be fair, there were less Neanderthals on it, but loads and loads of scammers. Trying to convince vulnerable lonely women that they are a handsome and widowed soldier/engineer/doctor (why engineer??) with a young (motherless) child who is looking for a soulmate. Yeah right, and you'll come and visit me but some disaster will befall you on the way, necessitating a hefty 'loan' from me....

whatam1doing I applaud your healthy attitude towards it all, I had never thought about it that way before, but I'm going to adopt it from now on. It IS just nice days out with good company, after all. The awkward/uncomfortable/rude dates have been very few and far between, that's true