Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I hope you don't mind me joining in as I'm starting my first ever stab at OLD and sounds like you lot will help me wade through it, keep me grounded and spot any pitfalls... I am pretty nervous actually.

Only on Tinder at the mo (signed up yesterday) and have three whole matches although I immediately close the app when they come up - what is wrong with me!!

I don't have much free time though as ExH is a complete shit so my DC are with me pretty much full time. Hoping I can still work round that...

Anyways - shall let you know how I get on and wishing you all lots of luck too!

Morning! So stupid question....

My matches on Tinder have either unmatched me or have moved to a different but as they're no longer in my New Matches bit of the App. Where do I find them - or have they decided that actually, they don't want to chat do have blocked me?

Sorry - complete newbie!

And sorry for typos too!

This thread will be perfect for my rant!
I've been chatting to a guy on POF, cute profile pic but 300 plus miles away. Not sure how he came up for me as distance not set that far but hey ho. We chat it's nice but we both say from the start not possible to meet. Then he said he was going to jump on a train and get a hotel for the night so we can have a day and night out. I agree and am looking forward to it, until he updated his profile pic last night. His original pic must have been at least 15 years out of date, and without wanting to be cruel, the years have not been kind.
So he is due to arrive after a three hour train ride on Saturday in the next town to me, supposed to meet him at train station. I Already know I won't find him attractive, and will actually be a little mad with him. What is the point of putting such an out of date pic on? I have eyes!!
Anyway, I'm going to make an excuse and cry off, then block. Not sure though, do messages disappear on pof if I block him? I don't want him to not get the message and turn up, that would be cruel, but I also dont want him to reply. I don't have upgraded so can't see if it has been read.
Ah well, back in the water!

Hi biddleyboo,
I'd be sooooo tempted to ask him who the guy in the new profile pic is? Hehehe!
I bloody hate this, and I know women are culprits too, but using old photos that do not reflect what you look like now is so unfair. It puts people on the spot and makes us feel like we are being really shallow if we then don't want to meet. I know looks are not everything but lets be honest, there has to be SOME physical attraction.
I think yes, your conversation with him will disappear if you block him. if he tries to message you, he'll get an auto-response saying something like 'you can no longer contact this member' or something like that.
TOB I'd be tempted to tell him the truth...that you are not happy that he used an old photo, and feel it is rather misleading/disingenuous. (you needn't say you don't find him attractive, just that the deceit is the unattractive part.
Then block him. But that's just me because I'm bitter and annoyed about having to endure dates with people who look nothing like I expected. :-)

Actually, no! they won't disappear, so he will still get the message but just won't be able to reply.

Hi everyone!

Can I join? And get some advice please?

I have been lurking for few threads now and finally feel (maybe!) ready to join a dating app/site! But not sure which one?

Has anybody ever used Once? I kind of like the sound of receiving just one match a day..? But the downside is that I won't be able to see the other people on that app, just that one match day..

Also, I have a 5 yr old DD and would prefer mentioning her in my profile as I know this will put some people off but I'd rather they know straight away.
How would you word it in a profile?

Thanks!

Ha! StopLaughing You sound like me. That’s exactly what I’d do if I had matches. If a man texts me a picture of himself, I immediately close it as if he can see me! No idea about Tinder I daren’t make mine live.

Biddleyboo Ah, he lured you in with an old photo and then when you bit he changed it so you can’t complain when you meet him (in his mind). I’d cry off and block. What an arse.

How's it going Witches? How are you getting on with Mr Invisible?

Hi singleandfabulous
no news with Invisible as yet...He warned me he might be out of contact for a few days as is driving on to another country from France. (He's on holiday with family). Told me 'don't run away' haha.
I'm assuming he will be back in the UK early next week as he wanted to meet up next week, so we shall see.

What news from Audiman?

Well 'don't run away' is encouraging.

No news from Audiman either, which feels a bit odd given that we've been so ... 'close' ahem recently. Still, I'm not one for contacting people all the time so I quite like it actually, it's just that part of me wants the validation that he's thinking about me and still likes me.

Oh no biddley I understand using a flattering photo but not one that's a decade old. Did he think you wouldn't notice

I've got a date on Saturday night but ive not got my mojo. I feel frumpy and tired and would rather stay at home ironing

Sorry for the me me me posts, but I was apparently hot liked (or similar) but when I clicked through I got the attached...

Is this someone inviting me to a threesome? Not sure what the 'Going Oit' thing means and I'm confused!

I thought this was supposed to be easy

The 'going out' thing is a new feature where it shows the friends in common are actually going out for the night so potentially, if you are in their area, you can plan to meet/bump into them. It is more of a 'friends' function from my understanding. However I can bet that many men will take the view of using it as a 'threesome finder'!!

And hi everyone waves I keep dipping in and out so apologies for what I have missed in the last week or two.

Biddleyboo I would just use the whole ' you do not like people who are deceitful' line, don't mention looks. You have to physically find someone attractive, so just tell him, then bin it off if you know he is not for you.

Sorry but a me post, as I need some advice/thoughts. I slept with my RL iron weekend just gone after date #4, we have been texting since end of May. He has been just as chatty by text, we said about going out next Friday by text on Weds (even though when I saw him at the weekend, he mentioned about the Tuesday of that week..). I can't help but think he is now slightly cooling as I didn't really hear from him yesterday. He is away from this morning until Monday (although will have his phone on him) I am surprised he has not mentioned 'oh I will be away, if you don't hear from me I will catch up when I am back'. I am pretty relaxed about the level of contact and I know that sounds stalkerish, but when it goes against HIS usual trend of contact, it puts me on edge a little, would it anyone else? I think the ghosting is about to set in, I trust my gut feeling. GAH, I actually really like this guy too :(

Apologies for not mentioning everyone..I just can't keep up!
To the last with the date with out of date pic..personally I agree..waste of time. Why do people do it?!
Miss zp gut is normally good..I how he doesn't shy off for your sake!
To anyone else I'm sorry I'm
Useless!
Well Im still with my same date..he pretty much moved in last week and it was great! I've realised he's pretty quiet yet competent which is good! He's went off on holiday yesterday so won't see him for a few days and miss him which is a good sign. He's VERY attentive..my house looks like a florists and all is great! He's met my best friend and we have a few plans to do things and I've been asked to meet the parents! All quick but fun so we will see!

Hi misszp...I'd be exactly the same as you, if a guy goes against any sort of pattern of contact that's become established whether by accident or design, I start thinking 'hmmm, why hasn't he texted?'
Logic tells me I'm probably being stupid as nobody can be that predictable every day, but at the same time I know what OLD can be like!
Gut feelings can be wrong (certainly in my case I have been too quick to jump to the wrong conclusion) ...I hope yours is too, this time. By the way, if he hasn't mentioned he will be away, how do you know he will be away, IYSWIM?
I mean...he must have told you, because you know? So maybe, it didn't occur to him that he has to point out that there will be less contact during this time, maybe he thinks it's obvious? perhaps it's just that.

neatfreak....wow, things ARE moving along! Glad you're both happy :-)

Hi Fidelia I'm giggling at your 80 year old, bless him. When I was on match.com I had a 73 year old 'regular' (NOT in the way that sounded!) who started off trying to woo me (I'm 48) and then it rapidly became clear he just wanted a friend to talk to, he was lonely. Bless him, I didn't have the heart not to keep chatting even though he knew there was no hope of any romance. He seemed quite happy to chat about everyday things.
Abusive messages...unfortunately, par for the course in my experience. You will occasionally get unwanted messages from random men graphically explaining what they'd like to do in bed with you, or you will upset someone by repying/not replying/replying, but not fast enough/making a lighthearted comment that offends them/insert revelant crime here. The advice in the OP about developing a thick skin is good! Ignore them and move swiftly onwards and upwards. :-)

Hi guys – I posted a while ago regarding a guy who ghosted on me, anyway he did eventually reappear for him to disappear again. So lesson learnt but for anyone going through a ghosting situation I would say 9 times out of 10 they do reappear.

Now onto my next saga and I fear another ghost! So I met Mr New Guy on Tinder. Really lovely guy, got on well etc… anyway dates were going steady and really well and we DTD on the second date and I thought things were progressing just lovely and at the right pace for me. Anyway, another date was arranged for a stay over at his, all was fine up until the afternoon of the day before. He cancelled saying that he’d had some bad news at work and couldn’t meet up now. All fine, I said I totally understood and if he wanted to talk about it I was here. The rest of that week he was communicating same as he always did, he was a little quiet over that weekend but I put that down to him being with his Kids. I did text him on the Sunday and he was very responsive and chatty.

As of Monday this week I didn’t hear from him Monday or Tuesday which from the level of communication we had this was really unusual. I left it until Wednesday and dropped him a text – generally chit chat and again he was very responsive but we are now on Friday and he’s gone MIA again.

Now I understand he is going through a stressful time at the moment but I feel as if he has lost interest overnight, has this happened to anyone else? I suffer greatly with anxiety and I have spent too much time thinking its more to do with me and he’s met someone else, which with OD this is possible. But realistically I know he’s probably worried about this job and finances and thinking of his two kids…. Dating me probably doesn’t even come into the picture.

I will not contact him anymore, in fact I have deleted his number so that he has to contact me but to be honest I really would have just appreciated a text to say that he couldn’t carry dating because of XYZ instead of disappearing because it has left me with an overactive mind.

Sigh…. So I’m back to square one, but I’ve deleted all my dating apps and leaving it where it is. I don’t know, my luck with men has never run smooth, and its mostly to do with my timing…. Always off! I will never understand how someone’s mind and actions could change within a matter of hours. I guess with my experience of ghosts is they do return.... so watch this space.

Motheroreilly how are you feeling now about your date tomorrow? Is your mojo coming back?
Is it anything to do with the iron himself, or you're just not in the right mood?
I bet you're not really frumpy and unattractive, we all feel like that sometimes. Maybe slap a bit of makeup on and a flattering outfit at some point today, stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself how gorgeous you can look before tomorrow...it might just do the trick and make you feel like going.

Bah, CestLaVie I could have written exactly the same post a few months ago. Except I never met mine, the 'problems at work' and other things that prevented us from meeting happened first. He cancelled three dates in a row, all due to problems his end. A death, having to work last minute, feeling ill...I wasted 6 weeks saying 'It's ok, don't worry, can't be helped, blah blah' whilst getting more and more p'd off!
I suffer with anxiety too and really do overthink people's actions, so OLD is probably not the best thing for me. Far too much opportunity to over-invest in a text relationship before meeting. What I couldn't understand about mine was that he went from being all over me (via text) for about two weeks, to practically nothing for days. He set the pace, and I only responded to that. Yet whenever I mentioned meeting, he didn't try to get out of answering, he still seemed really keen. It was very confusing. I gave up in the end, nobody has three last-minute 'problems' in a row that mean they have to unavoidably cancel.

Thanks Witches. I know men are wired differently to women and tend to retreat into their "caves" when stressed but its the change in his actions towards me that is baffling - it literally was overnight. Friday night he was texting me fine up until 11pm that night then poof I'm dealing with a different person.

It takes a matter of seconds to text someone ... even if its bad news to say he didn't want to carry on. Yes I would have been gutted but I would have just put a lid on it and moved on a lot quicker than what I'm doing now.

I'm going to be cheeky and type my update first, then reply to all yours.

I survived -actually, really enjoyed- the dinner out with my older, widower 's friends. Lots of people neither of us knew, which made it easier and then a select few who had known him and his wife. Birthday boy told me to "carry on keeping S on the straight and narrow" with a big smile which was rather lovely.

We have arranged to spend this weekend together, and have a day free from sporting officiating so I suggested either an exhibition at the tate I want to go to or a picnic on the Common - he'd like to do both, so we're picnicking as it looks like it'll be sunny. He's messaged me today saying he has wine, cheese, nice bread and do we need anything else? Bloody marvellous.

Now I just have to decide if it's a summer dress/shorts/dungarees (funky or a bit Good Life) outfit...