Tinder Temptresses Unite....It's Dating Thread 106

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Ah thanks single, it sounds so simple when written down. I'm overthinking things aren't I!

That's it. I'm done! I've hidden or deleted all my profiles I'm finding the whole thing stressful and depressing tbh - had a chat with myself, and decided I really didn't need this kind of shit, so I'm going cold turkey.
If these guys are the pool that's available to me, I'm happy to stay single

Good luck everyone - I really really hope you all find someone wonderful who will make you smile every day xx

Aww sky rabbit, best of luck to you

Urgh, I feel like an utter lemon. So coat retrieval with mr ten dates didn't go ahead. But he was texting me that night and things seemed fine so I wasn't too disheartened. He was texting me Friday night, sending me pictures of his daughter and him Saturday and texted me a few times Saturday night. Silly me thought that meant everything was fine so I bit the bullet and asked if he was free for our usual date night this week. I've had no reply even though he's been online. Fabulous. Why are men so confusing? Last weekend he's telling me he misses me between dates, he's the perfect gent and everything is going amazingly, two nights later he's calling me needy after I make an innocent joke and then vanishing... This weekend he's sending me pictures of his daughter... And now this? WTAF? I just want to know where I stand now, I'm not even fussed if it means it's over, I'm just sick of games.

Aww, good luck skyrabbit I do know how you feel. OLD is grim sometimes, that's why I've hidden my profile for now. Happy pootling along as I am.
Oh flipflap where on earth did it all go wrong? I remember the 'needy' text, things were fine until then. Now he's acting like he doesn't know what he wants, ignoring you one minute and chatting and sending photos the next?!
Men are loons, sometimes. they really are.

In other news... Although my profile is hidden, I had an email today saying that I had a message. How could this be? I wondered so logged in to discover it was from a guy I chatted to a few weeks ago. He had no profile photo but seemed happy to talk about himself and said that it was due to the nature of his work. Well, may or may not be true but I can understand that it's not a good idea with some jobs to have your face an personal info on a dating website. Normally I wouldn't have bothered chatting, but he sent such nice messages, is well educated, courteous etc. But then I decided to give things a rest after Quirky, so I wished invisible man all the best, hid m my profile and that was that.
Anyway, message today was 'are you sure you won't come back and talk to me? I really do like you very much. Plus, I have a confession to make... We have talked before, a long time ago, but never met as I had too much going on at the time. I always regretted not meeting you and I hoped I would see you again on the website one day'
It's only a lovely, lovely man I really liked about 3 years ago, when I first tried OLD. I THOUGHT he seemed familiar in the way he writes etc. And he had a profile photo before and I know he looks lovely.
Oo-er. I don't know what to do now. I'm torn between still sticking to giving it a rest, and picking up again with this chap. We talked for weeks last time, though I know better than to do that now. He wants my phone number and wants to take me out to dinner when he's back from his hols.

I've no idea, witches. I'm so confused. I'm not being unreasonable to at least want an explanation am I? It's not like it was a few dates. There was the deleting of tinder, he met my parents (in fact last night we were chatting about how he'd made quite a hit with my mum) and even down to the skin condition revelations!! Considering all that's happened, I really don't think asking for a proper dumping with reasons why is unreasonable. I hope i get at least that and my sodding coat back.

Ooh witches he sounds promising!! What are you thinking?? I reckon you should go for it...What happened last time?

Exactly flipflap I was afraid to mention the deleting of profiles and the mystery 'personal problem' he had in case that was too much info with your new profile... But after all that, it seems much more than ten dates, and he trusted and liked you enough to reveal what the problem was. How bizarre! And yes, you certainly do deserve the courtesy of a proper explanation if it's going to be the end!
I don't get why he's even asking and showing you photos of he's back online?! Has he relegated you to 'platonic friend' status without even telling you? It's very confusing. Poor you.
Yes, the Invisible Man...I confess I did get a bit excited when I got that message today. He really was very nice 3 years ago, as he was a few weeks ago when I didn't realise it was him I was talking to. I think he was very busy with work taking him abroad at short notice last time, plus I had just started OLD, was very naive about it all and it was probably too soon emotionally for me after my divorce... I remember being very keen to meet half the time, and then frightened to meet the rest! So work and my post-divorce phase got in the way.
This time, he is definitely more decisive about wanting to meet.
I think I might just say 'sod it' and go with it! Even if we just have one dinner together I think we'd get on, and I don't think he is looking for anything too serious (as in living together/marriage in the long run) but doesn't just want a fling or a sex buddy... All of which suits me fine.
I might give him my number tomorrow :-)

Yes do it witches! He sounds worth a go

You're probably right, it probably is too much info... Whoops! Oh well, what's done is done. When I say he shows as online, I meant like active on messenger, so I know he's seen the message. I don't know if he's back on OLD because I haven't redownloaded. Oh I can't stand this.

I was wondering what I do wrong. So I checked out the competition.

On tinder you can set your search to women. I was surprised that alot had quite grainy photos. Some photos were oldish (2012 Olympics for example) and not very flattering. There also weren't that many. Some quite interesting profile messages such as I drink like a fish, smoke like a chimney and if you dont like that then fuck off....!

So my profile is ok, it isnt that. Maybe I am just destined to meet arseholes.

Nowwhat I've never used Tinder so I can't comment on what it's like, but I'm sure it's not you, or your profile. I really am.
There are lots of arseholes online just as there are in real life. It's just that meeting online removes our ability to filter them out as we would if we met face to face from the start, as in real life. Humans are not designed to meet like this, I watched an interesting documentary on it.. The scientific and evolutionary reasons why OLD is not great, but particularly for women.
P.s, read your PM very late last night so will reply later

nowwhat flipping it to search for women will bring up women who also seek women. So not typically not the straight women that the guys are seeing.

Hello to everyone while I'm here.

witches I agree he sounds date worthy!

I think you should meet him witches sure you've nothing to lose.
Just beware, he sounds very charming so may possibly be a player..... Look at me, bitter already, lol

Don't understand ten date guy at all. Very odd to be sending you pics of his daughter then ignoring.
Men are weird. I honestly think they have a switch in their head with regards women that they turn on or off, depending on their mood.
Make sure you get your coat back!!!!

Hi everyone, I've followed this thread before as I made tentative steps towards online dating around Christmas, but I backed out as I didn't feel ready. I'm now thinking about it again (and spotting a pattern as my kids are away on holiday with their dad). I'm thinking about signing up with Guardian Soulmates. Can any of you tell me what an average looking 47 year old woman in London can expect from Guardian Soulmates? Any tips?

You are all very brave. I'm terrified of the idea of a date as it is something I haven't done for about 25 years!

So I got a reply and we made plans. I should probably go get back in my box

I'm allowed to flap though aren't I, since I haven't seen him since the whole needy incident - or does that make me needy?

I guess I'll see what happens on the date then!! Unless he cancels on me

Welcome back Pavonia!! I can't help you with what to look for but glad you're getting back out there and you feel ready now

Yes, flipflop you may flap. It's practically the law on this thread to have at least two flap-worthy incidents per iron.
I gave my number to Invisible Man. As you say, I have nothing to lose --and to be honest, I could do with a bit of lighthearted fun and being made to feel attractive and taken out etc.
He's not invisible anymore as he immediately whatsapped me some photos, but I remembered him from before anyway. These are obviously newer photos. And his daughter was in a couple. Lovely grey hair and blue eyes....sigh.

Must not get carried away. Did like him very much last time though.
He's been whatsapping on and off all morning, since he got my number. Wants to meet up as soon as he gets back from hols, before the end of next week.'Just for an hour or so, to say hello and make sure we like each other in real life' he said. I'm fine with that, nothing worse than a long dinner date when you just want to leave! And TBH, there's no pressure of wondering if he will be expecting any bedroom Olympics on the first date.

Thanks starskey, I have my player- antennae fully extended, haha!
It's awful though isn't it, that we hate it when men are rude and coarse, but when they are polite and complimentary and have good manners, we think they might be players?! And I include myself in that, I'm terribly suspicious of men online until I've met them.

Oh stop witches I know.....if they're too good to be true they generally are players.
Because players are good at being players.

Long distance is lovely though, and not getting the player vibe at all from him.

Oh Witches He sounds great. Go for it! and report back with all the juicy details

FlipFlop Can't believe you still haven't got your coat back. A real gentleman would have dropped it off with an apology for being such an arse.

Pavonia welcome on board. I'm very jealous that you have the men of London to choose from. I have the delights of Staffordshire to choose from and let me tell you, it's slim pickings in your 40s. It was bad enough in my 30s so god help me now. Give GSM a whirl and report back.

To all you Tinder users, why do you have to have a Facebook account to use it?
Surely it doesn't link all your FB photos and info and display them on Tinder to everyone? I'm quite a private person, I rarely use my FB account and only have 20 real-life feiends and family on it, mainly for keeping in touch long distance and seeing each other's photos. I don't want a stranger being able to see my stuff?

Used to be on the thread about two years ago (I think). Still single male, no dates in forever. Been using Tinder for a while now but I find very few women I swipe right to and haven't had one match yet.

One thing I have noticed and wonder if someone can advise - why is the distance thing so useless? My radius is set at 40 miles and it will throw up profiles saying "36 miles away" but then the little details box below says things like they live in Manchester or London or Brighton - in other words, places over 100 miles away. Sometimes I have seen profiles that say "swiping in X" so you know they are merely visiting. I would say at least 60% of the profiles it shows me are not just slightly but hugely out of the distance range. I don't want a long distance relationship, and within my 40 mile radius there are places such as Bristol, Swindon, Oxford, Cheltenham, Gloucester, Worcester, Hereford, so it's not like I should need to cast the net wider.

Single - in his defence he did offer to bring it back Friday morning before work but I said not to bother and to wait until I next saw him because I look like crap in the mornings and I love to laze in bed ... I still feel a bit on edge at the moment but just going to put it out of my mind until I see him and then see how things go then.

Witches - it does, but you choose what you show. It automatically uses your latest few profile pictures but you can remove them and use different ones. I don't think there's a huge amount else apart from it tells you if you have any mutual friends with people. I think it's perhaps a bit to do with trying to make sure it's real people? It's a lot more difficult to make both a fake facebook and then a fake tinder I guess so might put fake people off.

DrSeth - if someone's liked you when they're in your distance and then they leave they will come up on yours because they've liked you. Obviously if they're visiting then it's annoying haha. I remember going away to Lanzarote and not using it for a while and when I came back I had people over 1000km away!

Im not a tinder expert though

Flip Really? I'm not sure I can actually buy that, because I can't believe that so many women are visiting this area from those places on such a regular basis and that that many visitors are potentially liking me.

DrSeth I've never used tinder so I could be way off here, but it's not doing some sort of stupid 'as the crow flies' measurement, is it?
I had a trial on one dating website where I set my distance as 30 miles max, and it kept throwing up people in Somerset, Weston super mare etc ... I'm in South Wales!
Then I realised it was conveniently disregarding the Bristol Channel... All those places would be much nearer IF I could walk on water!

flipflop thanks for the tinder info, I never thought of fake profiles. I guess that makes sense, it's harder to be dodgy and anonymous because most people on Facebook use their own photos and have a profile photo at least.
I might have look out of nosiness.
Not going looking for anyone else till I know if Mr Invisible is as good as his word and meets me next week.