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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what do you and dp do on a night?

231 replies

lifesucks75 · 10/07/2016 04:09

I need to ask for fear of going insane! Can you leave the room and not be followed, can you read a book without being bollocked, can you chat to friends online?

OP posts:
lifesucks75 · 10/11/2016 02:42

Im so sick of this situation, im covered in cuts and bruises from trying to be "strong", It hurts, my whole body hurts...my leg keeps giving way and im sick of dragging myself along the floor, im so humiliated.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 10/11/2016 05:17

Hi OP, I'm hoping you're managing to get some sleep now but I'm here if you're still up and want to talk. I've only just found your thread but just read the whole thing, I'm so sorry you're having such a shit time of it.

I'm really worried about your leg, is there a different GP surgery in your area you could swap to because yours sound utterly useless? If they really can't do anything for you medically they should at least be signposting sources of practical help for you so you can get around and take care of your home and family. I would second a pp's suggestion to see a chiropractor but I know money is an issue, you should definitely go back to your physio and tell them you can't physically do the exercises they've given you though. You do unfortunately have to push for every bit of help these days and I know that's hard when you're exhausted and in pain but it seems to be the case now that if you don't keep pushing they assume you don't need help.

Someone said upthread about breaking down the things you need to tackle into manageable chunks and I can't help but think everything else would be so much easier if you could get some proper treatment for your leg, or at least decent pain management so that needs to be the first thing you tackle. Chronic pain is so debilitating both physically and mentally it's no wonder you're struggling. I just feel you could do with someone to kick up some fuss on your behalf and get the relevant people to listen, surely your GP should be looking to refer you to a specialist if they really can't do anything to treat your leg?

And then we need to get you some RL support with everything else. Do I remember you saying you suffer with anxiety and depression? Are you under a CPN for that and when did you last see them? Do you still feel that WA could offer any help if exp has gone now? If so its worth searching for local services here www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ rather than the national number which does get very busy, just scroll down the page and there's a function to search for what's available near you.

Other than that the only other people I can think of who may be able to help you are social services. Most of us see them as something to be feared but the way they respond to someone asking for help is generally very different to when they've received a report from elsewhere. Parents asking for help because there's something they're struggling with are not seen as unfit or a danger to their children and I know families who've had invaluable (and non intrusive) help from them when they've needed it. Something to think about at least.

Other than that please keep posting, there's an awful lot of people on this thread wanting to support and help you, please don't feel no one cares because we do, even if we are only online.

loopylou6 · 10/11/2016 15:20

You urgently need medical attention for your leg op, I don't want to frighten you, but my dh started like that, turns out he has a massive bulged disc that needs urgently operating on or he could lose control of his bladder.
Please go and see your doctor and demand an MRI scan.
Sorry you're having such a crap time Flowers

RickOShay · 11/11/2016 18:31

How are you today? Hope you are ok

inthekitchensink · 11/11/2016 20:03

We are still here OP if you need us, sometimes takes a while to get back to MN when we can but still listening Flowers

Flisspaps · 11/11/2016 21:17

Flowersfor you OP, don't be worried about coming back x

lifesucks75 · 13/11/2016 23:58

Hi all, thanks for messaging me. I'm struggling, I really am. Just writing this is taking so much effort. My heart is racing. I cant function anymore, I cant remember words, what im saying doesn't seem to make sense. I don't know what on earth is happening to me and i'm frightened. I feel like i'm going to die in this house alone. I tried and tried to pick myself up tonight, thought I need a bath it will make me feel better. I couldn't even get in the bath...im dirty and smelly and there literally is no one who can help me. I cant bear the pain, its not just in my leg anymore, my neck feels really strange, like its being pushed forward. There is no one who can physically come here and help me, I have a few people to talk to on the phone and I do appreciate that so much but im so worried. I don't feel well at all and if anything happens to me who will look after my children? The older one has a dad but he wont treat him well, dd doesn't have a dad, hes a waste of space who doesn't even know her. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
zozozoo · 14/11/2016 01:28

If you think your pain has changed can you call 111 for medical advice?

trufflepiggy · 14/11/2016 02:03

Hi OP Flowers

You need medical attention - can you ring 111 ?

I know you can do it!

Keep talking to us on here if it helps - we honestly don't mind if you ramble or don't make sense.

Love and hugs xx

zozozoo · 14/11/2016 02:17

By the way I hope you have fallen asleep by now. If not there are free guided meditation apps you could try. As for tomorrow I'd suggest you tell the kids you're having a rest day on doctor's orders as you really would like your leg to finally improve. Line up some films or box sets, put your feet up and snuggle with the cats. Maybe they could even make you a cup of tea...

lifesucks75 · 14/11/2016 14:58

I have been trying to post this message for an hour and a half (stupid pc) . Thankyou for your replies all, im not being ungrateful or selfish

OP posts:
lifesucks75 · 14/11/2016 15:09

Finally! now ive managed one it might let me manage another! Is it normal to feel how I do and why? Im forgetting things all the time. He turned up at my house, I didn't let him in, I peeped through the blind and it shocked me..I would have barely recognised him if it wasn't our car, he was a mess. He's still an abuser though right? Arrghhh, sorry, no not our car his car, he can bloody well have it. Even that hurts, everything was "ours" according to him..is that what they do? abusers, has he reprogrammed my brain? I cant think straight.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 14/11/2016 18:48

Yes he's still an abuser. It's going to take time to get yourself back.

How's your leg today? You really need it looking at urgently.

RickOShay · 14/11/2016 21:17

I hope you are feeling better, I think you need some real life help. What about women's aid? Have you managed to get through to them? Your leg is your priority st the moment, once you feel better you will be able to cope with everything else. Please please phone your gp, I know they are crap but it's still worth a try. Try not to be frightened sweetheart, it is ok and it will be better, keep that picture of you and dd decorating the Christmas tree together, and focus on sorting out your leg. Wishing you calm and safety.

lifesucks75 · 24/11/2016 12:38

Hi, i'm still here just in case anyone was worrying. People in rl have finally started to realise that i'm really ill, they are finally starting to help me. My friends are supporting me now (ive finally got some because I was brave and reached out). My mum is supporting me now. My dc have started to do things for themselves. My anxiety is starting to subside, my kids are being more patient with me. Now he's not around things are changing, very slowly, but they are. I've FORCED myself to walk to the shop on my own, I've FORCED myself to get out of bed. I've ignored every text exp has sent me. I'm getting there...thankyou all so much for supporting me..please stick with me.

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 24/11/2016 14:01

I have just sat and read this whole thread, start to end, and I feel so proud of you. I am so amazed that you have made such impressive progress despite everything. I am glad your friends and family are supporting you now and that you are making headway with your anxiety. You should feel so proud of yourself.

Redpony1 · 24/11/2016 14:57

I've just read the whole thread, and i love your last message! It seems like you can now see there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you are not alone :) Onwards and upwards

Keeps us updated

flapjackfairy · 24/11/2016 19:12

Well done keep going! You are really doing so well and things are starting to come together for you which is wonderful.
Your kids will be so proud of you x

Flisspaps · 24/11/2016 22:40

You are spectacular - keep going Flowers

Hidingtonothing · 25/11/2016 01:44

I felt like cheering when I read your latest post OP, you're making such brilliant progress, I'm so pleased for you Smile And of course we'll stick with you, you don't get rid of us that easily Grin

LauraMipsum · 25/11/2016 13:02

Well done, that's brilliant - in the course of just one month since he left you've got things turning round despite your health problems. You should be so proud of yourself for your bravery. Flowers

lifesucks75 · 28/11/2016 02:14

Hi all, I had to contact the police in the end, the texts were just getting too much, while waiting for them I got so stressed I could feel a seizure coming on so my mum called an ambulance. I've stayed with her for two days with dd. I haven't had a bath, i'm ashamed to say in case I had a turn in there, for over a week but I finally had one at mums where I knew I was safe. I've told the police everything and they DO believe me. They said I could have him arrested or warned, I chose warned for now. I'm hoping that will be enough. I miss him so much and I don't know why, he's a selfish bastard...he knows I have seizures and he STILL ranted at me several times a day. I just don't understand...feeling a bit sad tonight at the finality of it all...it hurts, it really hurts. But there's no going back now, this is why I did it, I forced myself to not go back to him.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 28/11/2016 08:29

WELL DONE Star

Sciurus83 · 28/11/2016 21:07

I'm so proud of you. Well done, keep strong, you will get through this and find happiness again, we all believe in you FlowersStar

lifesucks75 · 02/12/2016 02:46

Well, just another problem to worry about. Obviously ss are now involved. When she rang me she seemed very nice and told me i'd done exactly the right thing. I'm presuming they will come and check the house at some point and hopefully take into account the fact we've not been here very long and haven't much money. My problem is this: my dog is six now but he's always done the same thing, if he can get upstairs he will poo, I have no idea why. At my other house I had a stairgate but the layout of this one is completely different...there is just nowhere to attach one (sounds silly but there isn't, the hallway and stairs is completely open) We tried to attach one to the kitchen door when we moved in but the door openings aren't standard, they are very narrow. I cant keep him shut in any particular room all day, that's not fair to him. I also can't keep patrolling the house up and downstairs all day checking for poo. We also have a new cat who is doing the same thing! (No wonder they were so keen to give him to us). EVERY time I go upstairs i'm finding poo from one of them, it's disgusting and I hate it but I have no control over it. I'm so worried that when ss come round there will be poo somewhere and that's not going to go in my favour is it? I JUST want to cry and cry and cry..none of this is my fault. All I wanted was a happy healthy family and to be loved. Any ideas on why the animals do this and how I can stop it will be gratefully received. I just cant take any more stress.

OP posts:
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