30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Day 9. I feel like crying on my way to work this morning but I'm remembering how awful and rejected I felt a lot of the time when I was with him. I'm much better than that. Stay strong all of you. There's much better in our future.

I spent days dripping snot and tears over my keyboard when I first split up, so don't worry about it!It helps if you can let one person in work know what you are going thro then someone can keep an eye out for you, and cover for you if you have to disappear into the disabled toilet to blub!
Keep on keeping on x

Failing miserably here. Just ridiculous back and forth recriminations, anger, hurt etc. Trying desperately to get back on track.

You are allowed to be hurt, angry, sad and mad. But take it from me the toxic verbal ping pong won't make you feel any better. Forget the target of 30 days, this is one foot in front of the other and getting through it hour by hour. Aim for 24 hours and take it from there.
It does get easier I promise, and it is much much easier in the long run if you cut the contact down to the absolute bare minimum. Don't engage, don't bite. Contact is to arrange pick ups and drop offs and that is it.
You can do it x

For all of you struggling, stay strong

Jenny, I really admire your attitude. As bad as you (and I) feel now, I think it's better to go through it now, with a finite amount of pain rather than tolerate weeks/months/years of feeling hurt, rejection and uncertainty.

Thewizardo, you are not failing my dear. You are going through the process. As Reslience wisely suggested, forget the 30 day thing. Focus on the next 30 minutes and the 30 after that and those minutes will eventually lead to days. You can do this and you will. For what choice do we have? I wish you well for the next 30 minutes. Check back in and let us know how you're doing.

Day4. Still feeling it deeply and badly. But I'll never have to go through these 4 days again. I wish I'd never met him. No man is worth this amount of pain and anguish and I don't know why my mind is clinging on to someone that I don't want in my head at all. Oh to have a button that I could press to 'Off'. Men seem to find it all so much easier. Not one of them are on forums right now spilling their guts about how they feel. Lucky bastards that can just compartmentalise like that.

Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I don't know. I really don't know. The way I'm feeling at present I think I would have been quite content to have never loved at all. No man, no love is worth this. The happy times are being heavily outweighed by the pain right now. I can't even bear to think about the happy times because they contribute to the pain of the present even more. Maybe the day will come. I hope so.

Anyway, onwards ladies.

Properly Day 4 - cried for hours last night. Feeling a bit better now.

Day 1 😢

Room for another?

Day 3 for me, although I've had a good day I'm still longing for him to contact me saying he's made a mistake and wants to work at it but I know I'm just torturing myself. It won't come. He wasn't a bad guy, in fact he was incredible, the exact person I wanted to share my life with, he just didn't feel the same way about me. Said I wouldn't make him happy in the long run

In awe of those of you who are doing with children involved, you are so strong!

I'm in such a mess here.

Did something really really stupid and had sex with ex DP this afternoon. I don't even know how it happened. He came to pick DD up and she was asleep. It was just such an awful thing to do and I feel like I did when he first left again. He was all nonchalant and 'oh you know its just sex' afterwards. I am such an idiot.

I just don't know how to do this. I thought I did but I don't. Im obsessed, obsessed with checking his last online time on whatsapp and imagining who he is talking to, obsessed with checking his Facebook page and seeing if he has updated anything as the whole bloody thing is public. I just don't seem to be able to stop.

This is a special kind of hell.

He came back from dropping DD off and had this awful look of pity on his face, he went to give me a hug and I screamed at him to get off me. I think i'm losing the fucking plot.

Welcome guys. Sweet I'm in the same boat (kind of. There's a huge back story thrown in).

I've hit anger now though!

Theres no point in deleting Facebook as it takes two seconds to just download it again. I need to change my thinking so that I don't want to check it. The same with whatsapp. I just can't seem to get my head in the right place.

Ok i've deleted whats app, deactivated my Facebook account and deleted the apps. Restarted my quit that timeline. Going to try to give it another go.

Thewizado.. Day 1 for me not checking Facebook and whatsapp 😀 It's almost like an addiction, but probably habit and a distraction. I feel ok but incredibly anxious

Little well done on hitting angry, that's a massive step.

Wizard Facebook and whatsapp are the worst aren't they! Every time I see he's been online I wonder whether he is checking up on me like I am him, but deep down I know I'm clutching at straws

Oh Wizardo, here is the biggest hug for you.We all do daft things when a relationship breaks up, it's bloody hard and bloody horrible I know.
Next time you are tempted to check on him remember that look of pity...You can do this x

Definitely don't be hard on yourself Wizard. Take it as a learning opportunity and move forward.
When I separated from my ds's father I did all kinds of stuff that set me back but propelled me forwards after.
I'm on day 10, now I'm in double figures I can stick not only one finger up at him but feel like I can stick two up.
Yesterday I had a really tearful day but went to a counselling session, put things in to perspective and feel much better. Yesterday was a step back to take two forward today. I think really letting it out helped.
Actually, I think now if he got in contact, I'd feel quite differently already about him and what he's done.

I still feel horrendous. I just want him back. Things ended so suddenly for what feels like no reason.

I feel fairly horrendous too as I'm tired and just emailed a friend about it. I'm so tired of having the wrong men in my life.

We have to take some responsibility here. We have the" wrong men in our lives "because we chose them(either consciously or unconsciously).
I'm not excusing their shit behaviour but I do think we have to be honest with ourselves and realise that we are in control of who we chose to be with.
Once you realise you have a pattern you can start to change that. If you do what you always do then you will get what you always get.Simples.
Do the Freedom programme, people.

Coming up to the end of day 1.
It's been hard, but I know from trying before that day 2 is always the hardest (go figure).
I agree with resilience on the matter of choice, I've chosen to keep going back even though he treats me badly, well no more! I am done.
Day 1 is almost over.

Well done Flurple, step by step, hour by hour, day by day, keep going. You can do it x

Day 1 done, already feel a bit more peaceful that i'm not checking up on him. Still have a huge urge to but it doesn't change anything and just makes me feel like shit.

Tried as best as I can with no contact but it seems he finds untold reasons to text about DD all day, plus 2 FaceTime calls. If I don't reply I just get a string of ?????? messages until I do. Exhausting.

Well done for getting through the day.You ignore the ????s. He is just yanking your chain.
It does get easier

Well said Resilience. That was what I needed today. Every day is a little step forward. I now have more head space for other things I want to do.
I'm on day 11 and have made a choice to change my life for the better! !!! Keep at it everyone.