30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Waving. Glad you are feeling stronger now. Day 6 here so still early days. Dreading day 15 to be honest as we agreed to talk on day 14. Thinking about going switching phone off in that day and just let it pass if I'm strong enough.

Thank you for the idea to write his number down, I've done just that, Curious I love the idea of posting it so I'm going to do that today, I didn't text him last night but I've woken up feeling so low. I suppose this is all part of the process, I will not go back.

Silk, why did you agree to talk on day 14?

The up and down is what gets me.
It doesn't seem to be so shocking when I do suddenly remember hes left like it did in the beginning,but instead I have whole days where Il feel really low,like yesterday and the days plans didn't work out so had time to mope around which doesn't help.
We have contact due to dc so its very hard.he txt last night to say he wouldn't be coming round and I felt really disappointed.
He called to speak to dc when he finished work,which is something I've asked him to do if he doesn't co e round as it setlles them.
When he called I gave the phone to dc to speak to him but then he asked to speak to me and ask how my day was and that I sounded low.
I want to scream at him as I don't think he qhite gets the effect it has when someone just pulls the rug from under your feet like that,although I understand we needed to do something,I still don't believe what he did was the way to deal with things so keeping a lid on my emotions and anger is hard.i don't want to go backwards,I want to be able to get through each day smiling a bit at least.
The test will be from tomorrow onwards as I'm back to work full time then and when I get in and am doing everything in not going to be sitting chatting and playing when he comes round as I'm not going to have time.im hoping he will see then the pressure this is putting on me and understand why I'm struggling physically and emotionally.
He was talking again last night about looking for a job closer to home,to which I replied which home?as I really don't know what he's thinking sometimes.
He said I sounded tired on the phone,which I am and I said that's because I'm doing everything,looming after the dc and working and not sleeping v well and its only going to get harder for me now so I drift into days of wanting to whack Him with something heavy and then not.
Its just so confusing.my youngest dd gets into bed next to me every night at the moment for a while before getting into her bed which is fine,but hes going to find it hard fitting back into family life if he does come back as things are changing here.they need to in order fir me and dc to be comfortable and happy at home.
What a nightmare.

Flurple, the honest answer is that I don't know.

It was during a break up phone call when he said let's not decide anything now. Let's take 14 days to think about it. The reason we are breaking up is purely because he is in Dublin and I'm in London. Both have commitments where we are. The distance got just too frustrating. I miss him every day and would love nothing more than to hear his voice but realistically the phone call would only be to confirm the field nail in the coffin me thinks.

Final not field

That sounds so painful Silk, you're being so strong through this, I couldn't imagine going NC until my ex became the arsehole I didn't know he was.
Crazy, you're doing so well, the ups and downs are hard it does sound like a nghtmare, but you're getting through it day by day, welldone!
I'm having another difficult day today although I know I don't want to text him the temptation is there to text him in anger and ask him why he thinks he can just drop me, that must be my pride speaking so I have to be getting there I hope anyway.

Thanks flurple.
It helps to post on here and see its male pattern behaviour to be honest.
Its the rejection amongst other things and because we need to have contact because of the dc it makes it harder.
When he first went he was saying there was no chance of getting back together and was v angry and frustrated and I think he just couldn't think properly and calmly,where as on Sunday when we met up he was saying about us two going away somewhere and when we got bak from our walk he was saying about where on the kitchen wall we could put the second tv when he comes back,and then when he called last night he said about us two doing something next sun eve on our own,so I think maybe hes calming down and realised he does want to be a family but we do have issues we need to get through.im hoping that he's seeing that me being strong and calm and coping will hol him to actually have to start addressing things,as there have been things I've been unhappy with also and I did tell him on Sunday that they will need to be addressed also,like him not compromising on some things,we fall out about them,nothing ever gets resolved and then we are back to square one.
I explained to him a couple of examples of things I've compromised on that he's then been happy with and them things haven't come up again,its the things he wont budge on that keep cropping up.
I still haven't started reading the boom I downloaded yet purely because I've needed to read some trashy mags and take my mind off things at bedtime but hopefully Il start feeling stronger and want to read it.
After yesterdays low day today I have felt better,not amazing but better and busier.
I'm back to work tomorrow and I'm busy all week with work so I'm not going to have the time to think or panic.once I get home from work Il be busy sorting dc and house/meals/pack ups etc etc so I'm looking forward to that as getting back to some kind of normal will help me to feel more in control.
Sorry if I'm rambling again guys,and I hope you are all healing.x

Hi all.
Well hes not been able to cone in again as he's still at work.
He txt at 7 to say it wasn't looking good fir a normal finish and that he was fed up.I replied saying what a shame kids wont see you again and he took slight offence and thought I was digging,which I wasn't.
I sent a calm response saying if he wasn't seeing then because he just couldn't be bothered then yes it would be a big dig,however the fact that he's at work and uts out of his control is not his fault,so no it wasn't a dig and he should know I wouldn't do that.he replied apologising but haven't heard anything since.
I feel like I dealt with what could have turned awkward v well.
Have managed to eat something small this evening and just cuddled up on sofa with youngest dd who I thinks coming down with something,typical when I'm back to work now for four days so Il be worrying while I'm not with her.
Ffs something else to get myself In a panic about.
#fml

Just made it to the first week of NC. Not getting any easier at least not for now but I feel optimistic. Time moves on and so shall I but please can this now get a bit easier..

Crazy, I hope your dd is ok and work goes well, hopefully work will be the distraction you need
Silk, well done! It was around the week mark I started to realise I could do this, although I'm struggling now I have enough time and space between us to know it's best not to text him.

Morning.well at work now.
Had a chat with mil this morning then as I was leaving I kicked myself in case she says anything to him,I'm sure she wont.
I txt him last night to say good luck for his interview this morning and that I love him
As soon as id sent it I kicked myself but he replied straight away saying that he loves me too so I'm now feeling like i know where I am in this moment in time.
Just need to keep telling myself that we need to do this to get us back to how we work best together.
I'm not ready to lose him but I'm not going to force myself at him or beg him.
He knows how I feel,I'm not going to keep telling him and I need to Ste bak and keep calm and carry on how I am.keep smiling and laughing with the dc,keep things ticking over at home and keep a positive mind.

Last time I saw him was 19th June. Last day of my holidays now. Was shocked to see him with his arm around an 'old school friend' looking very happy on facebook. I've cried on and off on holiday, got angry and sad, but I'm slowly moving forward. I still hold out hope we'll end up back together? Anyone else do this?
Hope everyone has a manageable day

Crazy, don't beat yourself up over that it happens.
Apple, Yes I do that even though I know he's happy with his new girlfriend. I don't know what it is or why, but as time goes on I'm able to remind myself he doesn't want me and for that fact, he stopped making me happy long ago so why would I want him?

Totally agree Waving, it may be hard now but we can (if we want to) meet someone better who will be much better to us than our ex's have been.

My situation just floors me at random times of the day and night.
Take yesterday for instance,I felt better all day and was busy and didn't keep checking my phone thinking maybe Hel text me,as I know he wont,well not untill its to say he's still at work late but he wont txt randomly with anything,even though he said I could txt him whenever I wanted and if he saw the txt he'd always reply.i did that on sun eve and again Monday lunchtime and got no response to either.we had a conversation about it as I was quite hurt.id txt to say it was nice to speak with him on our own the day before,so to not get a response bloody hurt,and I told him that.he did apologise and say he didn't see the txt's but I'm not so sure,that's when he said to txt whenever I wanted but I'm not as I just get dissapointed when I don't get a reply straight away.probably sounds ludicrous but its like I'm thinking if him way more than hes thinking of me,and then Hel suggest we do something together at the weekend
Hes made it clear in one way that we are on a temp break only as he talks about things we need to finish at home or where we will put the tv when he comes back,but then he walks out the door and nc again so I feel up and down.
I'm reading too much into some things I know that but I cant help it and get annoyed with myself then for making myself feel crap.
I started reading the book last night and couldn't get my head into it at all,I'm just not ready yet although yesterday during the day I felt like I was.
Head a mess again now and I'm annoyed with myself.

Crazy.. Thinking about you, it's so hard isn't it. Like living in a state of limbo. I understand. My emotions all over the place. I'm also putting my ex on a pedestal and I need to remember he didn't treat me very well. I think I was his rebound from his marriage

Hello everyone. I think I've reached a better point in the last few days.

I was thinking this morning that my life has been much like a washing machine cycle for the last few months. It's been through some different phases and repeated phases of emotions, I've added in some cleansing agents (done some work on myself and will continue) and some conditioner (building up my self esteem) and in a while (not sure quite when), I think I'm going to emerge a much better and cleaner version of myself.
I think I've been through a wash cycle a few times in my life with relationships and each time moving upwards somehow.

Probably better to get in the wash of life than just stick with the dirt as I know a lot of people around me are doing.
Actually, last year I bought myself a new washing machine after the old one reached 21 years and I remember saying to the delivery guys maybe it was a new phase of life for me!

Bonkers I know.
Hang in there everyone, you will come out of the wash!

I really like that analogy Jenny, I look forward to coming out of the wash.

I've finally got round to ordering some books, what books would everyone here recommend to help me move on from him and stop obsessing over him? I think that's what's causing me to want to text him again.

So here I am in the same boat. This has been on and off for 4 years, but had the dumping email this morning.

I'm very much in the "I can change for you phase" and crying loads.

Typing here rather than writing to him.....

Hi, welcome, that sounds really difficult to go through, but you shouldn't have to change for anyone, if you aren't enough for him as you are then he's missing out and it's entirely his loss.