30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Jennyme I know what you mean.while we were sat talking in an outside area this afternoon there were couples around us laughing and chatting and I felt really odd,like I'm really missing that physical contact with him.whilst walking back It felt odd as normally he would always grab my hand but not today.hes not ready and I get that but it felt odd.i don't miss the arguing though and that's one thing that we will never go bak to if we manage to get through this break.
Id said yesterday after arranging to meet today that I was drawing a line under the up in the air negative and just like crap feeling and was going to motivate myself to make a better routine at home for dc and myself and get bak to being positive.
I got back from picking dc up from my mums at 6 and we tidied,I hoovered,polished,cleaned the kitchen and bathroom,picked a load of washing in,fed the animals,hoovered and tidied upstairs,fed dc and had them in bed by 8.20 which is the earliest for two weeks.
I made myself sit in the lounge and wat h tv for a little while before coming up to bed to read the book I downloaded on my kindle and rest.
Tomorrows a busy day and so will Tuesday be before I go bak to work Wednesday so that's how I'm going to roll from now.
I feel like my room is more my own after packing up his DVDs and dressing gown into his wardrobe and having a different tv.Now I just need the new bedding and cushions to arrive and it will feel like my space.
I think he wasn't expecting me to be so strong and positive thinking today and it threw him a bit,like did me not wearing my rings,packing up his DVDs and sorting a new tv,but they are massive steps compared to how I was just two days ago so I really feel like I've made a start in clearing my mind.
I still don't know if we will get back to us again after this,we both would like to but only time will tell I guess.until then I am taking things one step at a time with a positive mind.

Jenny, I feel the same , I want to heal and online dating so I have heard can be a bit hookyuppy, I cannot believe you said that Jenny someone said the same thing to me today about taking care of yourself ..l have had the worst week, lapsed my 15 days but on day 3 today ... New week new beginning , wishing everyone true peaceful sleep tonight and hopefully just 10 minutes of Resilences think time of X ... Sleep tight everyone
We can do this and truly be happy ... With ourselves.

It was 6 weeks ago today we broke contact and I feel frustrated that I had a bad nights sleep.

I think I've got to the stage where I'd like to know why he did it all to and why not treat me like a decent person. Actually, I know what the answers would be and I think I'm struggling to accept that I let it happen, I didn't see the warning signs or accept what he was telling me because I've got such low self esteem. I'm probably giving out too much info here but I work part time as a model and I still had low self esteem, attracted men who treated me badly and didn't believe I could meet someone who I'll be attracted to and and have healthy boundaries with because I didn't believe I could meet anyone better.

I slept really badly wondering why wasn't I good enough, why did he do it to me, why did I let it happen, how can he have just moved on so easily, why hasn't he bothered to find out how I am or change his mind. It's absolutely pointless wondering. I think it's also because I feel like I failed because I couldn't get him and I'm refusing to accept that. I think this really is much more about me than him and I need to use my energy to look much more at what's going on in me than wasting time on an impossible wondering about him.

Morning all, yes you are absolutely right Jen.The real question we should be asking ourselves is not why they did what they did to us but why WE allow them to.
I'm not saying that in a "victim blaming" kind of way (and anyway none of us are victims, we are survivors).What I mean is I think we all need to look hard at why our self esteem is so low and work on that,otherwise our next relationship will just be rinse and repeat. I'm 49, I don't want to be posting on here when I'm 60,boohooing cos I've fallen into another shit relationship!
Onwards and upwards people x

Your post really made me think resilience.
In the last 24 hours my emotions have shifted immensly and I'm seeing things clearly.
Yesterday I said to dh that once we settle into this break and the routine and are ready to start talking about things which is something hes always found hard but if he wants to sort this out its going to need to be done and I suddenly thought,wow actually there were things I over saw in the last few months that I probably wouldn't have had I felt stronger and less bogged down.
Telling him that although he chose to leave the family home doesn't mean I wasn't unhappy either and things hadn't been right for a while.its just how we peecieve them.
I haven't started reading the boom I downloaded yet as last night I just wanted to read trashy mags and give my brain a break.
I'm learning to stop trying to immediately fix stuff in my head as some things we cant control and I'm going with the day to day.
I slept alot better last night,only waking up once at 3am and although I had that realisation thing after a couple of seconds it didn't last long this time.
My worry will be I will get used to being on my own and our routine is changing to fit me and the dc and Il get stronger and then things will shift,but I'm not going to over analize that right now,just need to keep remembering to take it day by day and give my head a rest.
The book I downloaded was recommended on here,although I downloaded the version of should I stay or go by Lucy Bancroft.
Onwards and upwards ladies.

Still on holiday. Just checking in. Having a really low day. I haven't removed him from FB and he was out with a lady friend- lots of smily pictures- I felt like I couldn't breathe.
Can't bring myself to unfriend him. How can he just walk away after we only lost a baby in March? How? Does he really not care?
Hope you are all keeping on keeping on.. Haven't had a chance to read through thread

Resilience, yes I completely agree
Apple, that sounds so difficult, I hope you're enjoying your holiday in between the low moments.
I am having a very low day, I dreamt of him all last night and although I'm not working closely with him today I'm in the vicinity and he is ignoring me. I don't know why I expected anything else. I know this will pass but it's not easy to get through.

Hi applecrumbling.
Sorry your having a low day.
My boss gave me some good advice and thinking about it after yesterday meeting up with dh shes right.
When men first walk away they block everything out,which would ring true as dh was very smiley chatty and non conversational with me and I was a mess.
Two weeks on and I'm feeling stronger but yesterday dh seemed like it suddenly sank in where we were.
He had his practical head on till then and after taking the tv without even bothering to txt and say was his practical mind,he admitted that,where as I felt it emotionally.
When he saw I didn't have my rings on yesterday and id bought a new tv and asked him to set it up it was almost like it dawned on him and he seemed low.
When we got bak he was almost concerned about what we would do with two tvs when he came bak,almost like he was reassuring himself more than me.
Your ex is putting on that front of hes made that choice and hes going to look like hes happy with it even though he wont entirely be.
One thing I've learnt in the last two weeks is that my dh def cant talk about things,rather it gets to a point with a build up of lots of things and they shut down.now hes calming down hes having to see and think about things hes probably was hoping he wouldn't have to,where as I've had to deal with it straight away.
I still swing from being v angry to being v hurt but I try to understand that that's the only way he felt he could deal with the situation at the time.
I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe sometimes and then have to kick myself that life has changed so quickly and the rug was literally pulled from under my feet.
I'm hoping he does some serious thinking about things as he always said he didn't need ne or my support but this living situation is going to show him otherwise I hope.

Sounds like we're all quite the same at the moment.

I've got to really dig deep and understand what's going on in me. I know in my core I just don't feel good enough and never have done so I just get that back. I know it's from my childhood of an emotionally distant mother and highly critical father both of whom I felt awkward with and still do especially as I haven't had the life they wanted me too.
I think all men need to be out aside for now and I need to dig deep within for my goodness.

I hope you all can too with me.

I decided to keep strong and didn't contact him. Police are desperate for me to get a non molestation order. But that feels so final even though I know it needs to happen I can't bring myself to do it

Sorry to hearing what happened Waving. Fell off the wagon too today. Looked on his FB to discover he posted absolutely nothing since we decided to go NC. I know he can not see that I looked at his page but feel like I'd let myself down. Even tough he posted absolutely nothing, which is unusual I feel awful. It's almost like he posted nothing because he expects me to check his page. I think I'm probably just being paranoid.

I also still have a few small bits and pieces like his asthma inhaler which I put in my bag during our last outing together and forgot to return to him before I flew home. Thinking about putting all those little bits and pieces in an envelope and mail them to him. At least they will be out of sight. Or should I just bin it all? There is nothing there of real value.

Thanks Waving,think you are right as it may possibly provoke a reaction his side when he receives the parcel.

Hope you are all having a better day today. Must say that work is a good distraction at the moment. I normally don't like Mondays!

Please, can someone give me the strength not to text him. I'm painfully close

If you contact him , it will make you feel worse not better. So go right ahead if you want to feel worse x

I am with you Jenny, and all of you , I am feeling the same , we are all being so hard on ourselves, this longing and reasoning will come to an end , sooner rather than later ,sleep well everyone

Thanks Resilience, what you've said has hit home, I also went for a long run to forget about this. I think I'm in for a long night but you're so right in what you've said, I don't want to feel worse.

Flurple, please don't do it. Remove his numbers from your phone. Write his number down and put it somewhere difficult to get hold of. At least that way you will have time to think about what your about to do when you go hunting for his number. You will regret it if you text on impulse. If you do you are likely to regret it. You owe it to yourself. Be strong

God what a day.
I was up early as car was needing to go to garage and had an engineer due between 8 and 12pm.got dc up early fed and dressed to be told that car is booked in tomorrow now.threw me abit as I was feeling positive this morning after our mett up yesterday and was looking forward to having a busy day,then had to wait til 12 for engineer to call and say he wouldn't get here today after all.ffs.totally threw me off balance and have gone down hill since.
I'm so annoyed with myself I really am.i felt so much better last night.
Dh hasn't managed to come in tonight as he's still at work and called me to say he would ring and speak to dc when he finishes.
I felt so disappointed I wouldn't see him tonight.
I'm losing patience with myself now which is stupid I know as its only been two weeks but I feel drained and sad today.
Bad bad day that was a planned good day.

That's a good idea to write it down and then you can delete it. I've still got his number on my phone but I haven't felt tempted to message as I can guarantee I will feel 100% worse with no or any response.
I didn't think about him at all for 4 hours whilst working this afternoon and I don't really feel sad that I can't tell him about what happened either.

I'm going to try some self esteem meditation later. I do wonder if he's wondering what I'm doing but there are ways of him finding out some of it. I think men just block their thoughts though.
Stay strong Flurple. You will feel worse if you do anything.

Jenny, i read somewhere that it is best not to wonder about him but concentrate on yourself instead. Think that is good advice. I try to to think of that when my mind is drifting and when I start wondering about what he is doing. Dufficult isn't it.

If you're struggling with the number thing... write it down. Put it in an envelope and post it to yourself. You'll only be actually without it for 24-48 hours or so but at least you then can't go and get it again!!