30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Read back sound kinda patronising but not meant if anyone of you take it that X

First day back at work since it all went Pete tong.
I'm really glad I've had this time off as although it wasn't better for me as the distraction would have been helpful I def think the dc needed me near them so we could all just be together and cuddle and talk and play.
The insomnia I really struggle with so I cone to bed earlier so my bodies resting but my youngest dd likes to get in bed with me for a bit every evening and I'm fine with that if it makes her feel settled.
I was hoping to get at least five hrs sleep but have only managed three and have a full on day at work to contend with now.
Hes coming here in time for me to leave and will be staying for a while before they go out.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Happy fif them that they don't have to be up and dressed by eight but odd as he will be here.
I've taken advice from here and apart from the paperwork I've given him of his I've made a few more bits disapear for my own peace of mind and I just have to go with it.

I feel calmer and theres no doubt this thread has helped me get here massivley so thank you so much guys.
My mum yesterday was brilliant when I nearly had a wobble at the garage as my new car has a fault and I had to take it into the guy I bought it from to have a look.i was a bag of nerves where as normally i would be firm and direct.
I feel like I've taken a massive wallop to my entire personality and the while am I good enough thing which I'm sure is normal but I never knew I cld feel like i have in the last ten days.
I do know though that I've bloody made it so far and am starting to feel stronger thank god I just need to be nice to myself.
I've spent the time filling it up with loads as being around at the house has not helped but yesterday afternoon I actually wanted to sit in lounge and play with dc which is a massive breakthrough for me and I'm not sure what's planned for dh for tomorrow and if he wants to see dc but we will be chilling in the morning and I'm looking forward to that.
Thanks again guys

Bek ......... Well done for yesterday at the garage little steps have a good day at work ....... Write down some post it some affirmations put them somewhere .... If feeling vulnerable you can just pull one out and have a read ....... Certainly helped me ........ Have a good day to you all xx

Am now sat here waiting for him to turn up so I can go to work.i eeked out stuff to do after I was ready myself so I wouldn't be sat waiting but have finished them things so now panicking hes going to be late.ffs if hes late Il want to throttle him.
Why don't they realise what they do to us.he gets up and goes to work and finishes at stupid o clock every night and doesn't have to even think about childcare as I'm on it but the one day I ask him to be here by a certain tome and its slipping by.
I'm not going to cope with the I'm tired from all the hours worked or I got stuck in traffic thing as he's chosen to move out for the minute and hes not looking for a different job so why should I suffer?I'm looking after the house the kids sorting the finances and working but I manage it.
I hope this so called tempory situation hes put us in will make him realise which one of us needs to get our shit together here cause its not bloody me.
Sorry for ranting.

Hope he turned up for you Bek.
I've been looking at Tapping affirmations with Brad Yates, take a deek on YouTube, is interesting.
Have a good weekend people,be happy, be healthy, be kind.
Onwards and upwards!

Hi everyone,
Just joining the group and I need a lot of handholding right now. It has been 3 days of NC and I feel so proud of myself for not cracking and calling or texting him. It is taking all my strength not to but the only thing that is keeping me from doing it is the knowledge that it is not going to change anything right now.

I just posted about my relationship situation on a new thread but essentially: My BF and I broke up/ decided to a break for an unknown period of time, after dating for over a year. The decision for us to take a cooling off period was horrible for us to make and involved a lot of tears from us both. We are both going through a rather difficult time with some personal issues. He has just been sent to live abroad for a period of time for work and he is also dealing with some traumatising family issues that are going to take some time for him to emotionally deal with. I am in the middle of a career change and ended up needing to move home to my family for a bit to get myself back on my feet following my career change. We have really tried to make our relationship work. When we are together and in the same place we are amazing and full of love for each other. But it has become increasingly difficult to deal with our time apart (we are also just not ready to live together yet as our relationship is only a little over a year old) as we both feel like we don't have the mental capacity to deal with all the other issues in our lives whilst also focusing on our relationship. We are the case of meeting the right person at the wrong time. I think that is the hardest part, the fact that there is nothing wrong in our relationship but that we just can't focus on each other right now and must take time apart to sort ourselves out with the hope that when we are done we can come together again. Although I know this is the right choice for right now, I am completely devastated and having a hard time functioning. We decided that for the first couple of months we should go NC, because if we kept talking then we would fall back in the same pattern of being in a relationship. It is taking every ounce of my strength not to pick up the phone and call him, but I know that giving him space to sort out his issues whilst I sort out my life is the only possible way for us to ever be together in the future...whenever that time may come.

My fear right now is that I am terrified that we won't find a way back to each other. I know that if it is meant to be it will be, but picturing my future without him is painful and causes my grief to explode.

I am not scared that he is going to meet someone else, he made it very clear to me that I am perfect for him and that there is no way he could be in a relationship with anyone right now. But I am scared of what the future holds. How long will it take for us to sort out lives out, when will his work bring him back to our country and will we even be living in the same area when that happens?

Anyways, the fear of the unknown is making the NC so hard. I just miss him so much and getting through the day without hearing his voice and without a goodnight call before bed is killing me.

Any advice/support is appreciated.

Hi broken.
Sorry your in the situation as well.
I'm on day 11 now since dh just didn't come home .
We both agree things wernt good before that however the shock is what sent me into spiral mode in the first few days.
Fear of the unknown was and still is hard and we have dc so I've been having to keep a lid on how I'm feeling for their sake
We have had conversations in the last few days although short and not very in depth ones however I do feel slightly more settled than I did.
I try and think of a positive thing at the end of each day that I have achieved or thought in that day and I've completely changed my routine at home as doing the same things just felt like he was missing all the time.
For the first few nights I couldn't sit in the lounge and went to bed when dc did which has been later for them anyway due to hols,but tonight I'm going to try and spend a bit of time downstairs on my own.
Hair treatment,maybe paint my nails,sit in garden with my kindle,and see how I go.
Its so hard but this thread has literally saved me this last week so keep posting and we can all help each other.
I found telling parents and dc that fir the minute he wasn't staying at home the hardest but I managed to do it.
Its what we need to do for us right now and who knows how it will pan out but keep telling yourself right now this is where you guys are at.
Take each moment and day at a time and don't over think things,it just hurts too much.

Can I join please- just left a very abusive relationship, had to go no contact for my sanity and safety

to you all

Hey everyone (and good thing joining us on here for those that just have).
I seem to be drifting in to a life of driftiness at the moment. I think I could now spend days just drifting around which I need to get out of a bit.

Brokenhearted, that sounds really hard for you. I kind of started off that way as we really wanted to keep seeing each other as we seemed to get on so well but actually, I've also been told so many lies and been so used that really the 'getting on so well' was all in my head. I'm not saying it is with you though.
I don't really miss him now and have so much else going on in life at the moment and the whole experience has been such a learning process that I think unfortunately it was meant to happen.

I've realised the thing I'm really struggling with is that I feel so rejected. I'm really confused about it. I think I like so few men or find I'm attracted to so few men that I thought it was great I finally found someone I really liked. This probably sounds so dreadful (and I actually think really arrogant of me) but I've had lots of other men interested in me (I'm not in them) that I can't get my head around a guy who said he couldn't believe his luck meeting me who then goes and lies repeatedly, eventually said I'd probably be better off meeting someone else and who isn't even trying to get back in contact with me now.

Sorry, everyone, I'm rambling, I'm just trying to work out what I'm struggling with at the moment and what's stopping me from moving on from him.

Probably good to get it all out on here, at least it's processing it for us all.
I just can't believe that men say they like you so much, that they don't think that they'll meet anyone else like you and then just let you go.

The rejection is also what I really struggle with.
Right now we are both about keeping things calm and positive for the dc but while things are still so up in the air for us I know they are why he comes after work most days and today has them all day while I'm at work,hes not coming for me.that really hurts.
I find myself thinking is he missing me,or any of our routine together or our evenings chatting in the garden.
I'm dreading getting home from work as he will probably want to leave pretty much when I get in as he's spent the day with dc and wont want to spend any time with me and that's what I struggle with right at the moment.
I'm keeping up the cool and calm on the outside but find myself so dissapointed if he doesn't finish early enough to cone round.i bet hes not disapoonted hes not seeing me though.
Il keep trooping through each day but I feel empty right now.
I don't have rose tinted glasses on and I know our relationship wasn't at its best just before he decided to leave but I cant shake the feeling that I 100% know I want to try.
We have three fab dc,a lovely house and good jobs and we work and get on well together when things are good.
That feeling that it might never get back to that frightens me,for me and my dc,but I bet he hasn't even thought of that far ahead yet.
Hes making decisions about things in the immediate and obviously trying not to think anything else.
Its a head messer

It must be really tough if someone's convinced you that your relationship is going well, then it's all over quickly. No wonder you are all finding it so difficult it doesn't make sense does it?! Really annoys me that these men think that they can be so careless with people's feelings.

Reading your posts I think I'm probably finding it easier to accept because I had the bruises to prove its not working, which isn't nice but I could clearly see he didn't love me, which makes it a tiny bit easier to accept. Plus the fact the police said I was at high risk of being killed by him.

for everyone

Probably a daft question and I appreciate that there are ups and downs during NC but has anyone found that there is a tipping point when it becomes a bit easier? Day 3 here. Feeling awful. A bit like craving chocolate on period day and not having any but worse if that makes sense? xx

Had a fraught handover when I got home from work as youngest dc cried when he was leaving again,which stressed him out abit.we had words in the car park but I told him he's giving me mixed signals and its unsettling me and that's unfair.
I need to learn to control myself when hes here or on his way as I find myself getting so panicky and nervous its ridiculous.
I told him I feel like hes coming to see the dc and not me which is why I stay out the way as I don't know if he wants me to be around when hes here with them and he thought I was staying away as I was being awkward!
The lack of communication can cause real issues
I txt after he left asking if we cld please arrange a day/time to meet up without dc around as we need to both be clear what the break actually means.and as he is initiating it he can tell me what he wants and I will then tell him what I want.he took the tv off the bedroom wall today while I was at work and I told him he could have at least told me this morning he was going to do that as its another mixed signal again.he also took some of his clothes.I also feel like right now as he's chosen to leave the family home he shouldn't be just doing things like that without mentioning it first out of respect.
I also said one day he will txt and say he's on his way after work and the next day not txt or turn up and its not on.
If he wants a proper break it has to be respectful for both of us.im not going to sit around to be ready when he decides to turn up and accept it with a smile am I!!
So thats where we are today girls.
Just had a txt back to say we could meet tomorrow alone and talk.
Not had a cigerrette for two years but my god do I want one this week.

Thanks, WavingNotDrowning

Counting down the days. Our period of NC is a so called trial separation. We had agreed to talk after 14 days.. But I'm starting to think perhaps better not. Think trial separations are something to postpone the final nail in the coffin tbh.. I don't really want any setbacks. Hope you are right about day 12.... I need this to go away. Think clearly. Finding this threat really supportive. Thanks al for sharing your experiences.

I am struggling with the feeling of rejection too. I just wish that I was enough for him and that he didn't need space in order to get his life together.

Can I ask what you are all planning to do once your 30 days NC is over? Will you be reaching out to your ex then? I have promised myself that if I can make it to 30 days then I can give him a call or send an email.

One thing that is helping me right now is creating a 30 day plan for myself. I made a list of personal and career goals I need to meet before the 30 days are over and if I haven't met those goals then I am not allowed to be in contact with him until I do.

Not knowing how he is feeling right now is the difficult part. I keep wondering if he has thought about me, does he miss me, does he wonder how I am? Or is he just out there having fun without thinking of me at all.

If I just had one message from him where he said he missed me, it would make it so much easier to get through this. Really thats all I want right now.

Just had an awful moment in our local shop.was putting a lager on the counter to have with some lime at home and youngest dd6 who had spent the last ten minutes shouting and realm missbehaving piped up that she thought the can was for dad but o yeah hes not here anymore
I'm hoping the girl that I know behind the counter didn't take any notice as we live in a small village and everyone knows everyone.im still trying to get my head round the idea myself.
Dd11 has been brilliant but dd 6 is playing up somewhat which is another thing that erks me.he decides he wants a break and I get to deal with the emotional and behavioural kids as well as my own feelings,running a house and garden and working full time.
Its moments like that where I sway away from being upset and really needing him to wanting to bash him over the head with a heavy object and tell him in going to call time on it myself.
I'm pretty sure fil is helping him with the stick it out thing as he has no fucking morals himself and isn't a fan of me purely because I refuse to put up with his rudeness and tell him so,unlike everyone else who just keeps quiet.
They will be making it out that I've been difficult to live with etc etc but they don't know everything.all they know is what he tells them.
I need to be back to my strong self mentally and physically to deal with it but after seeing him twice today and still not getting a proper where do we stand conversation with him in all over the place.
Hopefully we will meet up tomorrow alone as planned,have a calm conversation,Il be able to hold it together long enough for us to both know where we stand,walk away and tell him the balls now in his court.
I am going to tell him that I'm ready to start talking and there are issues on both sides that need to be addressed and he has to be willing to discuss and compromise as well or it really wont work.
I'm aware we both have things to sort but the longer he avoids it the harder its going to be for both of us to adapt again if we choose to move back in together.
There needs to be respect from both sides.
Il leave it with him to digest and when he wants to talk he will have to be the one to make the contact.
God its such a nightmare

That's awful to the bruises but I know what you mean. My ex-dh used to hit me. I left and never looked back.
This time I was far more emotionally reeled in. I wonder if he just saw getting me as an achievement and when he achieved it his job was done. I can't seem to be at all rational about it ending though.

I will be 6 weeks tomorrow. I don't really miss him now. I don't have many times when I think I could be seeing him anymore and this evening at work I didn't think about him at all.

After a very up and down day and having to see him twice today,both times fraught and panicky I have got dc to bed after spending some time with then,had a shower,done my nails and had a couple of beers.
Feel more relaxed now but sis abit of online shopping for new lounge cushions.ive already ordered new bedding and pillows and a tv for bedroom.he took the tv and a load of his dvds and clothes and coats today so in an inner strop earlier I packed up the rest of his dvds and clothes lying around the house and our room and shoved them in his wardrobe.
He cant bloody have it all his own way.
Made a comment the other evening that kids wont smell him in the bed as id washed bedding but then takes his stuff out of house.ffs
Its a head mess up and he knows it.
Il be glad to clear it up tomorrow with him and then I've decided once I walk away after our meet up I will be thinking In a different way.i will feel like I'm in control of my happiness and will step back after tomorrow and let him decide when hes ready but I'm such a strong person normally that I know there's only so far I will be pushed and then my survival side kicks in and Il shut down.
I've been through alot in my life and dealt with real stress and its made me a stronger person inside.
The danger here is that he will want his cake and eat it and will take his time and Il be too far hurt to move on together.
Financially I be fine as I've always luckily dealt with that and earn good money so I know me and dc will manage that way,I also know we will manage practically as I do most things as well as drop off pik ups for school anyway and I'm the house organiser.but I miss the affection and someone to bounce off of.i have forgiven him for some awful crap over the 12 years we've been together so I'm feeling bitter and angry right now that he's walked away.obviously not as loyal as I am eh.
If it doesn't work out I have the most important thing which is my dc and a roof over our heads bug Il be so sad that we couldn't make our way back together.
Its been a bumpy journey and I feel like this situation we are in doesn't do it anh justice at all.
Sorry I'm rambling again.