30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

The breathlessness thing!I take it that's part of the panick?its terrible.
He said on Sunday that he would be taking the tv in our room as he will need it.ive been putting off ordering another one but realisation today told me to order one anyway to be safe as I've been getting into bed to and watching what's on my sky planner to distract me at night.the first Cpl of nights I sat downstairs after a shower as I had paperwork to sort through but I cant seem to sit there in the eves when kids are in bed its just too painful for me.hes lucky in a way that he's working 14 hour days during the week as I doesn't give him much time to think.
I phoned in sick at work till Saturday as I'm with people on a one to one basis all day and cant handle it but now thinking it wasn't a good idea.although he'd normally be at work all day and late some eves anyway I'm finding it so hard to just put one foot in front of the other.
We've just been on a walk with the dog and it was a good distraction.but now were bak home and I'm getting edgy again about if he will txt to say he's finished and will pop in or if he wont and it will be too late.
I'm not txting him as I've stepped back but doesn't help with my nerves.
The girls want a bubble bath so that will kill abit more time.
I think when I'm a bit calmer and over the shock I'm going to start finding things to fill my evenings when the girls are in bed.
I just feel so in limbo with no routine as its now changed completely and as the girls aren't at school they aren't in a routine really either
I hate feeling like everythings so up in the air.
I just want to scream and cry and vent out loud.
I had a few hours today to make some phone calls and do some shopping but I'm finding because I'm not at work I'm doing things throughout the day at home so I'm not busy enough and its not helping with my thoughts.
Thanks for all of your support so far everyone.this threads keeping me going right now and to know I'm not the only one in this situation although not pleasant and wouldn't wish it on anyone I know I can post and you guys help me to see more clearly so thank you xx

The thought of food makes me feel sick.every now and then Il feel hungry and then it dissapears replaces by the sick feeling.
My weight has dissapeared along side it mind you,normally id be well chuffed as I'm always trying to drop a few pounds but chrikey its gone literally overnight and my clothes are hanging off me.
How long ago did it happen waving?

The girls have been much calmer tonight as opposed to last night and the eldest is currently having her bubble bath unlike last night at this time they were getting irritated and dd 6 was being v naughty due to being tired.ive been letting them stay up abit later in case he txt's to say he's popping in.
Last night id got really worked up inside so was on edge and then he txt at 9 to say he wasn't coming and I felt deflated but I'm ok so far tonight.if he does txt and they're still up Il tell him that but if he doesn't txt I'm not txting him.the urge to txt isn't as strong now as earlier.
Decided I need a plan for each day I'm off with them so we are out and about during the day so when we get bak Il be busy with stuff to do and the time will pass quicker for me.
Nomore wandering around with no plan for the rest of the week,I've decided.Got to fill time up and hopefully that will make me feel stronger.

I'm on day 7 of where it all started but only really 2 days since he told me he wasn't coming back
He didn't txt tonight to say he was late finishing so wouldn't be popping in and the urge to txt and check hes ok is immense but I'm on here instead.
I have to remember I have to stay well back.
He knows now that to see dc he has to contact me but hes so stubborn that I hope it will dawn on him that his stubborness will be what's keeping him away,not me.
He mentioned hes moving to this new place tomorrow and his mum dropped into conversation today hes finishing work early tomorrow.originally I would have been at work till 5.30 and his mum would have the girls so opportunity for him to cone and see them and take the tv he said he was taking and other bits no doubt but now Il not be at work so will be interesting to see how that pans out.he needs to contact me before he can do anything really in case I'm out as he doesn't have a key because he gave them back to me on Saturday in a strop.
So I got over Mondays hurdle of telling dc he wasn't staying here for a while,todays hurdle of seeing ils and having to make the phone calls and sort finances out and tell my mum and tomorrows hurdle is what's going to happen [confused
Just a constant bloody rollercoaster at the moment.
I hate it,its awful.

Morning waving.i bet you cant wait to get away.anywhere nice?
I've had a very disturbed 3 hours sleep,th worst night in the last three,possibly because of what today will bring with him finishing work earlier and moving to new place and how hes going to fit in seeing dc whilst taking tv off bedroom wall
I want supposed to be around and his mum was supposed to be having dc but Its changed now so not sure how hes going to play it.
The not knowing,or not knowing what he's thinking and nc is whats tipping me right now.

Good morning, Waving, glad you're making small steps forward with sleeping and eating. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
I had a better nights sleep too. I'm 5 weeks on and I'm not sure I feel that sad anymore. I think what might be helping is through reading about relationships, I'm learning so much and seeing my past relationships for what they really were. I tried to write a list of boundaries for healthy relationships this morning and could actually only think of 3 obvious ones, I had to look the rest up! I've been living in relationships (including friendships) with no boundaries before, my life has been like a free for all - emotionally, physically and even financially!

Bec, I had a horrendous time with ex-h (father of ds) but now I feel completely indifferent to him when I see him. I also have another ex-h who I feel neutral with now so it does get much much better with time.

Thanks guys.
My boss keeps reminding me to take one day and step at a time when I can feel myself getting panicky again.It comes on so suddenly.ive discovered in better during the day when I'm with the girls and we have plans out of the house.although I kind of regret taking three days off work in a way I'm glad as its meant I've been with the dc and that's where I wanted to be after telling them on Monday morning he wouldn't be staying here.
With each day and I know its only day 3 today but the times I've wanted to make contact aren't as often and when they are im finding I can stave off the urge more quicker instead of tying myself in knots trying to convince myself one hi txt wouldn't hurt because I know it would.it would send me right bak again.although he will have to make contact at some point to arrange seeing dc,getting tv etc,unless he does it via his mum which would be cowardly I have to keep telling myself what will be will be and I cant control it right now.all I can do is make sure the kids have plenty of giggles and things to occupy them and to know in here.its so hard to comprehend but once the shock wears off I need to keep a lid on my angerxx

Bek use your anger to move yourself forward.
Get back to work as soon as you can, as I said before the routine and distraction will help you, rather than sitting stewing and worrying.
You need to agree on set times that he can see the kids, not just as and when it suits him. That's isn't fair on them or you.
Probably time to get some legal advice also, and see if there are any benefits you may be entitled to .
Evenings...plan what you are going to do once the kids are in bed, be it sorting your sock drawer, pampering yourself, or watching that box set. Try not to sit there tying yourself in knots.
It's horrible and it hurts I know, hugs to you. You will get through this .

Thanks guys.
Because Sunday afternoon was the first and only time we've had a conversation about things after 6 days of not knowing what was going on it was me asking him what he wants and if he wants to throw everything away and making that final decision while he's angry and stressed.i acknowledged we couldn't carry on how we were but he needs to sit and talk about it with me and his mum there if need be but hes basically running from the questions and the emotions right now.he doesn't contact me and on Sunday when I asked when he was seeing dc next I did say he needs to agree to set times as its not fair on any of us if he doesn't tell them or me when so I can plan.i pulled him up on messing me around on Sunday and said he wants to be civil but in order for me to do that he needs to be respectful of me too.i also said I'm having to deal with the confusion from dc and that if this was def it we need to tell dc together but he didn't.ive given him that opportunity and stepped back but leaving us in limbo is cruel.i also told him that so right now I feel like hes holding all the strings and I'm having to bloody dance to them.I haven't even spoken to or seen him to tell him I've told the girls he's not staying here right now but I told his mum yesterday so I'm sure she would have told him.im not going to communicate with him via his mum as he needs to face the situation that we are all in and deal with stuff but I think he needs to be calm and level headed to do it and right now he cant be.
Its just all such a bloody mess.chatted with dc this morning and asked how they were feeling and they seem fine.that will be because I'm talking to them and spending time with them so they feel settled I hope.

Good afternoon ladies

Although I am away at the moment. I have so tagged myself last night by looking in FB and watts app ( unblocked and then blocked ) he has blocked me on 1 number on watts app...... Why am I so bothered ? Don't get it I really don't he is very clever contacting me twice before holiday ...... Sigh sigh I was moving on positively although having a few wobbles ....... Could someone please explain ??? Please I am really struggling ........ I know he was no good so what the hell am I missing ..... I am a fulfilled person and not needy as in I need a man ..... Well heal and let it happen ..... Ladies please help ...... Sad and confused ....... Sorry to go on ..... I had done a month of NC now can feel just bein dragged back ......

To the rest of the ladies hand on in there and please don't self sabotage ...... Really really is not worth it ....... Hand holding please so annoyed with myself ...

Doner....draw a line under the cyberstalking for today and move on. It's a wobble. They happen. You invested emotionally in this guy and understandably you are upset that you didn't get the happy ending you'd hoped for.
You are allowed to be sad.Grieving for what you thought you had and the future you hoped you'd have together is all part of the healing process.
Keep your eyes on the horizon. Focus on what you are gaining, not what you feel you have lost. Write a list of all the things you have to be grateful for, right now, and concentrate on what you have, not what you don't.
Repeat the affirmation "I am moving on with my life and the future is looking amazing" 5 times first thing every morning, before bed and any other times the negative thoughts start creeping in.
Onwards and upwards Doner, you can do it (and everyone else out thar!)

Thanks resilience ...... Next time fingers in doors doors in Spain OUCH ....... Really really appreciate it xxxx

I'm 7 months along (ex had OW) and saw this in 'active' so had a look. Everything here was me for first few months - dramatic weight-loss, lonely evenings, cyber-stalking, generally doubting myself.

I still don't feel 100% , but who does really?!

I can accept what has happened and plan alone. My advice is don't try too hard. Go with your feelings and thoughts. Take notice of everything that you are still doing well / right rather than anything you're not able to achieve yet.

So excited I'll probably be divorced by end of this month (financial separation holding back final part). I didn't feel like that at first, but feelings change.

Lilac ........ Thank you for advice ... Me too lost weight .... Changed hair and feel better about changes I have made ...... I was a month no contact then email and answered unknown call ..... Just find it hard after all support from mumsnet , friends and family I am going backwards ? Like I have posted earlier ...... Majority of people am happy I am without him !!! My mum even commented how much better I was looking, she feels her daughter is coming back .... Confident , smiling , happy and self esteem back ..... Feel like a fool ...... Frustrated ....... Thanks ladies X

Hi ladies it is up and down I was getting on with my life having fun with my friends going on days out with my daughter not always spending lots but having fun. Then my xh thought he wanted to try again I want sure but then thought I'd see how it goes it lasted about a month and then he completely changed his mind I'm just glad I didn't let him back home so my daughter didn't have the leavin all over again but she does have to deal with us hardly speaking now which I am trying my hardest to keep it neutral. I found going to work helped a bit also putting make up on and dressing a bit smarter an I changed my hair a bit. I suppose it was a bit of fake it till you make it, I need to start again now as there is definitely no going back I hope you all have a good nights sleep my sleep is hit and miss. I found counciling helped a bit and exercising.

Morning ladies

Pattern has started again .... Waking up early only having a few hours sleep ... Thoughts of Him flooding back ....... Riose coloured tinted glasses back on ..... Even though a leopard will not change his spots ( he is 48 ) too many issues he has to deal with drinking , drugs , addictions , other women and behaviours that are very odd ..... Sigh ..... Has he changed ??! No probably not .....like I have to remember what my councillor has said it will take many many years for someone to change .... With addictive personality as well as personality disorders ..... My life will always be about them and there needs .....

Sigh sigh what am I doing I have wasted enough time trying to make things right ...... I never kew I had such an amazing talent to do so many things wrong when I was with him .........

New day today and I have decided to think about him for 10 mins today .... So I will try to contain my thoughts bad not become consumed .......

Ladies wishing you all a very happy and positive day ......what ever you my do today smile at the tiniest things ..... X