30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Apple that's great to hear, Bek, well done that can't have been easy for you it's such a brave step to take.

Waving you are doing so well, reading the difference between your early posts and now shows that I'm so impressed that you're staying away from Twitter.
Everyone seems to be doing very well today it's really good to see.
I have had a good day, but tonight I feel like I'm sitting around waiting for him to text me because it's been so long and if the past is anything to go by, it's coming. I will ignore him when / if he does, but I hate waiting for it even though I'm not waiting.

Well done for not being interested in twitter that's not easy at all.
He doesn't contact me everyday, I didn't write it very well apologies, he has a pattern that after two weeks of NC he texts me, it's at some point between two and four weeks. I'm hoping this time will be different but I'm also waiting for the text. On the other hand, day 10 today! Or is it day 11 I'm not sure anymore and I think that's a good thing.

Officially too long for me to have found this so hard, unnofficially this time round a couple of months, but this time round it will stick.
You are channeling positivity this is a very good thing

Yes waving- it's helping as I feel free, new scenery, new experiences to contend with. Fear, I'll come back and relapse but for now he's not on my mind too often.
Keep on keeping on.

Well done to you guys for all feeling strong.
I'm back at that is he going to call/txt thing as when he left yesterday he told dc if he didn't finish work too late this evening he would come and see them.
No txt call or contact or show up and its nearly 8.45pm.
To rub salt in the wounds as I've taken a few days off work mil wont need to have the girls for three days now however I did ask her if she would have them for a few hours tomorrow.She just called me to see what tine and how long she would be needed for.no problem there,but I then asked if she had spoken to him as he's said he would pop over and he called her 45 mins ago to say he was still at work.So why the hell not just txt me and let me know ????
Its so deliberate its untrue.He knows they will be tired and its meaning I cant get on with my evening as I don't know yet again if hes going to appear and I don't want to put the girls to bed and rock the boat.
This is where I feel the anger and resentment ready to blow but trying to contain it takes all of my energy.
I was feeling more stronger and calmer this morning after speaking to my boss and getting the nerve up to speak to dc and now I feel like a wreck again.
Its so unfair.
Pissed off that he can make me feel like it and not give me a second thought.

Chalking up another rough day here, struggling with it all.
Had horrible "discussion" with h this afternoon, where he pointed out that we can't not live with each other. If we sold our house, we'd walk away with a few K each. And would be spending double our mortgage in rents.

It all makes me feel like screaming.
Added to that, even assuming I get past my fixation on the lovely unattainable anytime soon, who's going to look at a 46 yo mother of two?

God I wish I was just out of the picture and off of the screen altogether sometimes.
Sorry for not being more positive - it's been a really crap, depressing and boring bank holiday
Probably my own fault but I hadn't the energy or motivation

You should never feel sorry for how you feel Upyer, this is a hard path to walk and you need to feel how you need to feel while you walk it.
Apple so good to see the holiday is helping, Bek that sounds like such a difficult situation well done for staying strong through it.

I wanted to tell my mum today that for the minute we are having a break but she wasn't well.however I've just txt her now.i know its not ideal but feel like I'm protecting her and my dad from my pain so playing it down.as long as i think they wont be worrying too much by me saying its just a break the easier it is to swallow if that makes sense.How amazing that at 36 you can feel like your letting them down eh.its just shite shite shite.
I sorted some finances out today and called tax credits so hopefully that will even up soon as the worry of financially supporting all four of us is really tipping me over the edge.
I had the lovliest lady taking my call thank god.she was so genuine and patient as I blubbed my way through the questions.she also waited while I ran downstairs to sort something for dd 6 as I didn't want them to hear my convo on the phone.
Got to face ils tomorrow morning so that's another hurdle I guess.dreading that too.

Morning.ive been awake since 5 with a really ticking brain.I get annoyed with myself for it.
I ended up with dc in my bed at 11 pm last night as I think they're routine changing has sqiffed them up abit.
They seem like they are dealing with him not being around do much.
He did txt last night just after 9 to say he wouldn't be coming over as it was too late now but to tell them all he loves them.i just said to them daddy just txt and only just finished work so wont be popping in today and then we were distracted by the dog thank god.they seemed to accept it.i haven't replied to the txt.Normally a polite reply saying ok thanks for letting me know etc wouldn't be a problem but I know if I did that I would then be jumping waiting to see if he responded to that,which I'm 99% sure he wouldn't and then I'm back to that panick again.my body and brain cant cope with that and the kids and everything else right now.
Today is seeing ils day and I'm absolutely dreading it.just going to be calm and make an exit as swiftly as possible after I've told them that the girls know hes not staying here for the minute.that will be another hurdle I'm over I guess.just got to remember to take each day at a time and stop over thinking.

Hi me and my ex split up in October then started getting close again said he wanted to try again I considered it but then he admitted he had lied about things and had plenty of opportunity to tell me I just think he wanted an easy life to come back and didn't really want me. The worst thing is I am back to being really hurt so I am trying to go no contact but we have a 9 yr old daughter and I seem to notice he is trying to be awkward and chop and change plans wanting her extra nights and things I just feel quite vulnerable.

Low today. It's the enforced contact. I am better when there is no contact. When there is no contact that is all there is and you just get on with it. When there is contact there is always such a gulf between what you want it to be and what it is - that is where the pain and frustration lie. When you get on well together you wonder what was so awful that made them end it. When it's not going well you just want it to be better and it's not. And the constant jumping between the two is exhausting. I'm exhausted, again.

Hello everyone, I don't think any of us should worry about our age and meeting someone else because there are men of all ages in the same position. I guess we could be relieved that we found out now what these men were really like and how they are capable of treating us before it was really too late and we are in old people's homes (because I intend to have a jolly good time if I'm in one!). I realised this morning my life is so precious, I'm glad I didn't spend any more of it so upset and anxious over him which I was quite worried was beginning to age me (I'm so vain).
I know quite a few single people in their 40's and onwards and today I was thinking that I know more friends and colleagues who have said they are in unhappy relationships than happy relationships now. I'd rather now be single and happy than married / in a relationship and unhappy (with the health risks).

I'm surprised that I still feel sad at times and it is still taking time to not think about him but I think that's because I so want to be happy now. The good thing is that my mood is fairly even now and I know there is better to come.

I hope everyone has a good day and those on holidays have a great time.
Bec, I'll think of you today and know that this awful time will pass for you and one day you'll be happy again and in a much better place in life.

I agree it's better being single than being in a crap relationship. But I was lonely for about the last 7 years of my relationship and I guess I'm just still a bit lonely and missing human touch now. I know I need to actually be on my own until I learn not to base all my validation on one person. But I work essentially alone, and can't see how the law of averages would allow me to meet anyone. (I know I can't predict the future).

Perhaps I also spent a long time having my self esteem seep away and now can't imagine anyone wanting me. That doesn't help in lots of ways. At the same time I'm unwilling to open myself to more pain at this point.

Obviously I'm not ready! But I am in no position to get a cat either...

Waving, yes, the sad times are getting less and further apart. I do believe I will get back to overall happy, I think for me, I've had so much happen in my life that I've come to a point where I've really had to take stock of my life and think about addressing issues.

Bec, I can relate to you mentioning your parents. I come from parents, one of whom is highly critical and after my first divorce had them telling my friends not to tell people I was getting divorced because of the shame! So now nearly twice divorces and various other relationships behind me I've just had to block what my parents think about it. I've had no guidance in life about relationships from my parents, just told to keep quiet and get on with it, an approach which has led to me putting up with all kinds poor treatment from men because I didn't think I was worth anymore.

Hare, well, we're on a journey together. I feel much the same in my down times. I also think I'm not always comfortable with myself and worry what people think of me which makes me anxious at times and want validation from other people. I've spent so long thinking everyone else has it sussed but me with relationships and feeling the odd one out in so many ways. Maybe it's time to embrace the oddness.

Well mil turned up at 10 and I was planning on leaving just after but didn't end up going untill 11am as we were talking.
What upsets me more is that she sees where I'm coming from and like me is hoping that when the dust settles and he's going bak to a room on his own after a very long day at work he will realise what he's missing and what I brought to his life.
She asked for some paperwork of his which id already sorted into a file the other night and write on their things he needs to sort out as in direct debits as I'm not paying them for him.hes left me with alot to sort out bills wise and very tight cash wise so no way am I sorting his crap out as well.
I've said to his mum that I've stepped completely bak now while we all process things.day 2 for me and I wont be making any contact.he will need to message me if hes popping into see dc.his mum also agrees that its unfair that he doesnt organise it so I know if hes coming or not as its setting my nerves on edge.
I worry that if she says anything to him though Hel fly off the handle again.ffs whys it so complicated eh

Today is feeling like a less stable day emotionally for me.my heads over analysing everything and my hearts going for hell constantly.its been a week today since a two minute fall out on the phone and bang,life has changed completely.its been the worst week of my life,the not knowing where he was,being angry and upset and worried all at the same time that he hadn't made contact or even bothered to speak to or see dc.
In this week hes done things that I never in my life would think he would ever do.
To just dissapear on us like that has tipped me over the edge.
I swing literally from being upset and massively hurt to being angry and back again.
One minute I think I can do this and front it out and go on on my own and build a life for me and dc and the next minute I'm thinking Il never be able to do it.
The sheer enormity of it all frightens me to death on a practical level.
Our house is not small nor are the gardens and having three dc and a dog and a full time job.
I have been doing the majority of the kids sorting cleaning cooking keeping house,paperwork and finances etc anyway but feeling like I no longer have that extra adult with me fills me with absolute fear.
I miss him,I love him,I'm am absolute mess.

Bec, hang in there. Every moment that you survive this gets you nearer to being okay. You will be okay and don't be afraid to fall to pieces if you need to. Sometimes it happens to put back the pieces together in a better way. I had a baby, found out my ex-dh had an affair, bought and sold a house and got promoted and left my career all in one year. It nearly finished me off but I hung in there by a very fine strong thread. You can too. Use the people around you. Yes, sadly sometimes people show us who they really are. I find being a single parent (no help from dc's dad) and running a home alone frightening at times but with each challenge you get stronger.

Hope you will be ok my days seem to go up and down also depends on what time of the day too. I'm trying to get time off to spend with my daughter so we can do fun things work is being a bit awkward at the moment. my husband seems to be doing his hardest to do all the fun things as he doesn't work through the summer holidays and he is taking her away next week which I am dreading it I'm going to miss her so much. I just seem to be working and being tired and then sad.