30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Sucha such a lovely positive post thank you
Have a great holiday Waving, you are healing, now take a breather and relax
Have a great holiday also Apple
Doner, yes we are all doing well abeit some sadness occasionally but it is all part of the healing process, here is hoping you all come back refreshed and even stronger xxx
Welcome Crazy ( you are not !! ) and Little, your path to healing has begun , tiny steps at a time and no knocking yourself down, we are all in the same sort of situation 28, you are still very young, I am 52 x

That is a lovely post to have read Sucha,
Crazy although this is painful you sound like you're doing so well to get everything in order
Little, I don't believe you'll be alone forever, I'm 29 and I don't think this is it for me. When the moments of fear come that this is it (and come they do) I remind myself that all I need to is make it through this moment of pain to be stronger and better able to be involved in a strong healthy relationship.
Tonight I'm feeling a little low, but I know this too shall pass, I've made it to 9 days, I don't want to go back to day 1 so early to bed with me and I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning.

Thank you ladies.

Another week ahead, when you're tempted to text visit here instead. I know it gets better - honest. Just sometimes there are knocks along the way x

The temptation to text since he left earlier is immense but I'm staying strong but I feel so low.
My eldest has been at work all day but will be home in a minute and will ask if dh coming home again.it just all feels so shit that its me left here to cope with everything and the questions the kids keep asking while he as dc6 told me earlier after asking for the tenth time when he would be home that hedbtold her hevwas going back to work.
She lied on my bed with me earlier and asked why they haven't seen him much.I cheery said they'd spent all day with him yesterday and this afternoon with him playing and normally during the week they can be on their way to bed by the time he gets in but I pts killing men on the inside,it really is.
He said earlier we need time apart but I realised after he had gone that he still hadn't told the dc he wasn't going to be staying here for a while.
He's a bloody coward.I'm so angry with him for making such a massive decision without talking to me first and then leaving me to deal with the kids questions and confusion.
I wantbtobtxt him and tell him what he's running away from and how bloody dare he confuse his dc like this but I won't.
I need to step back and have contact to simple texts about dc visits only.
Does that still count as the 30 day no contact?
Hope so as this threads keeping me going right now.

Waving that's exactly how I feel.
I'm going to speak to my boss today and ask if I can take thus week off.i cant function and cant face it.
The urge to txt is massive but I know it will only make me feel worse and back to square one.

Morning Bek. I remember what the early days are like (I split in Jan) and you totally have my sympathy and support. It is horrible when your dc is asking when will they see them again... I fudged it for months and just said he was very busy (ex was not her dad, but had been in dds life for 4 years since she was 2)
I've got to say for me going to work helped as it was a distraction. Yes there were days when I sat dripping tears and snot over my keyboard, but if I had been sat at home alone I know the temptation to text would have been even stronger, an d I would have had more time to think unhelpful thinks.
Maybe take a day or couple of days off then go back in?
If you do take time off KEEP BUSY! Rearrange the furniture, clear out the attic, go to the gym,make sure you try and do something positive even if it's the last thing you feel like doing.
You are doing well here in a massively horrible situation. You will get through it.
Hug for you. Onwards and bloody upwards x

Good morning,
I realised checking in on here (I realise I can't do it forever) really helps clear and set my mind for the day.

Bek, that's sounds like a horrible situation, I hope you get the week off just to get over the shock. He's completely inconsiderate leaving you to deal with everything. I hope you are somewhat okay today.
I woke up in the night as I had been reading a lot on the internet before sleeping about relationships and it's really sinking in just how taken of advantage of I was by him, he really led me on when he had really didn't care about me and my future (and I guess I haven't either or I wouldn't have let kept seeing him). I've been taken advantage of by men in so many ways so I was awake feeling really sad about how I've let people treat me. I had a dream that I exposed him for cheating in his GCSE exams (we're decades past them) and he got expelled.

Anyway, I've got a week off now and going to do some hedge cutting therapy and fix a plumbing issue.
Go us girls, we're all in this together on here.

Waving, yes, don't look on Twitter, don't do it for your sake. I would come and sit on your hands for you if I could and possibly break some fingers so you're not able to do it in the future! He sounds really screwed up to be saying that to you one week and then with her the next. There are so many screwed up men in the world. I've got other male friends (middle aged) who are so emotionally unintelligent and seem to be driven by fear of facing up to and dealing with reality, feeling out their comfort zone and a need to be in control. We all deserve so much better than them.

Jenny, I think you have just hit the nail ..again, I have been treated the same by men, I do not want to be bitter in life and angry..doe that make sense, it is the making sense of it all that is so so exhausting .
I do not want to feel like this for ever either. You are right about some men, it is like a trigger in them , they must ruin people's lives..they do not have any intelligence, the stringing along telling one person one thing and another something else... It is all the rage .
Anyway enjoy the hedge cutting...plumbing and Waving...stay off Twitter !!!

Waving, you can CHOOSE to enjoy your holiday or you can CHOOSE to endure it. We are all in control of our own emotions, I know that might sound hard but it is true. Take back the control, take back the power and look forward rather than back.You can do it.
Have a look at some Louise Hay positive affirmations for inspiration.
Onwards and upwards x

I rang my boss at 7 am this morning and it all came spilling out.1.5 hrs of solid ranting and crying
She gave me the strength to then calmly tell the dc that daddy will be staying at his friends for a bit as we keep falling out like adults do sometimes and its unfair for them if we keep arguing so its best for a while like it is.
I made sure they knew he would be popping in alot and that nothing else has changed.
I cant believe I managed to do it.i feel so relieved.if and when he does eventually make his decision if its to not come back he will not be getting out of telling them with me.
I feel abit stronger at the moment because I've told the dc and hopefully that will stop me having to keep lying every time they ask where he is.i couldn't do it for another day,I've been doing it for a week..we have friends of theirs over now and we are off to the cinema so going to keep filling the time gaps with stuff.
Need to let my parents know now and have some phone calls regarding bills to make later.ive salvaged some cash and paid it into my account this morning so I can cover bills for the next two weeks til I get paid just.
I just don't think I can face work as my job is very full on and one to one in the public sector so Il have clients asking how we all are etc and I don't feel strong enough to deal with it.ive only taken three days off as I was off Fri anyway and I'm going in on Saturday as he will have the dc for the day.i just want to stay close to them now I've told them what's happening.
Lifes shit sometimes

Hi ladies.
Well another long shift at work for me but just needed to see how everyone was doing.
Waving...you need some sleep. I know it seems impossible right now but your mind can not deal with this all living off of a couple of restless hours.
Sounds nuts but I decided I HAD to be asleep by 10.30pm. So I set a ritual, log in journal how I am doing and what I have done that day. I then list 3 positives to end on (corny I know but work with me here!!). I then played one round of Words with Friends (Scrabble) then read a chapter of my book. Then lights out! At my worst I put Netflix on my kindle after all that with the lights out and went through the whole 7 seasons of Sons of Anarchy!! I would usually fall asleep at that point with the kindle still going.
It actually bloody worked. This was back in January when I was doing NC with my ex for the first time after finding out he cheated on me and gave me a life long disease. I thought I would never get through it and as crazy as it sounds those Sons of Anarchy boys saw me through my late sleepless nights.
Now here I am on round two of NC and I don't need Netflix (Well sometimes I do!) but I stick to my 10.30pm routine and I never change it. The journal is my way of letting my brain offload and clear space for sleep.
It may not work for you but just try something different. You really do need sleep my lovely.
However Resilience is right, we all have choses don't let someone else dictate your holiday happiness with your family.
Bek I really hope you can sleep also. Its absolutely awful what you are going through but you will get through it. Time out of day to day work fine but like Resilience says use that time wisely do not use it to sit over thinking and stressing even more. As much as you cant function right now work can also be a good distraction to make you keep going.
JennyMe I have male friends and brothers that are all bloody emotionally unavailable and its really tainted my view on men now. Yes I am bitter and cynical but hopefully that will ease over time and one day (ONE DAY!) a good man will show himself and I will appreciate him all the more for what I have experienced in a horrible marriage and a horrible past relationship.
Like you though Jenny I come on here and just reading everyone supporting each other just lifts my spirits that although everyone is experiencing their own kind of hurt there is support and love on here.
Sending hugs as always and wishing everyone a peaceful day xxx

And forgot to add...I am on day 12! Yes I did check my phone this morning but I am feeling so much stronger.

This is my official day 1 as we had to talk yesterday afternoon when he came round to see the dc.couldnt avoid it really so todays day 1.

Sucha, you are sounding so positive it's great.

Apple, I do hope you enjoy your holiday now and Waving, you too when you go. You are getting better, these are just blips.

Crazy and Little, plenty of time to find nice men. I am the same age as Free and I have to say I am significantly less hopeful for myself in terms of meeting anyone. But I am seeing more of my friends and that is great. And Jenny I spent the morning doing damage with secateurs...felt good cutting dead wood away...ha ha ha

Waving you've just made the book club email quote!

Quite fancy a Georgette Heyer - haven't read one for years!

Quote of the week

"I'm just going through a horrible break up and am reaching for the Georgettes."

• WavingNotDrowning on the comfort of Georgette Heyer books

...is what it looks like on the email

A little update. I'm feeling much better on day 2 of my holiday, much more relaxed and feeling quite angry. Yes they can be utter unreasonable bastards. Their loss.