30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Waving.. Thanks for your strength. Had a terrible nights sleep and still think I'm hungover. Very dizzy.
Feeling nervous about holiday and also about flying for the first time ever.
It's obviously anxiety. I too feel like is holiday be alone too much.
You'll eventually get the strength to stop looking at Twitter. It's like a compulsion. Every time to think of looking try to distract yourself. Try to limit to a certain amount of times...?

Good morning.

Apple, please don't beat yourself up, because as Resilience says, you might as well go and keep slamming your fingers in the door.
I've found when I do things I regret / keep doing things, it's because I really hadn't learnt the lesson yet and when you finally do, you won't do it again. It was just another lesson for you.
If I ever have brief thoughts of looking him up on messengers / social media, I imagine the immense pain that will sear through me if I do and that now is enough to stop me. I'm so moving on from a life of pain.
Yes, all you can do to feel better is keep on keeping going and do things and be kind to yourself. I think your holiday will do you good (even if it doesn't feel it at the time).

I've been listening to Noah Elkrief on Youtube and he talks a lot of sense about controlling our thoughts and how to be happy.

Have a sunny day everyone and keep going, I need you all on here to keep going with me.

I'm not very techy so not sure if you can see it from this link? It's about being married but I think applies to relationships.

I also watched this

which made me realise why having a good relationship is so much more important than just having a relationship (which I'm taking a loooong time to understand).

It's two long, long weeks now since our split

I cracked this morning and messaged him
I'm a fucking idiot. I am such an idiot.
He won't reply. He mightn't even see the message.
I'm ashamed of myself now, down on top of all the other miserable crap I'm wading through. I went to see my lovely counsellor last week, and after teasing out the whole story, we agreed that contact with him would only hurt me. But STILL I went and did it.

It's not the end of the world Gansey, draw a line under it and carry on. Look at it this way, you are allowed to do one daft thing a day and you've got yours out of the way early today!
Keep on keeping on x

Hi all, today marks day 9 I checked his social media last night out of morbid curiousity and I felt nothing. I really feel I have turned a corner. No one on here is an idiot, please don't beat yourselves up ladies, it's not an easy process staying away from someone you love.
Well done waving for reaching day 5!
For all those on day 1 again, goodness knows I've been there plenty of times please believe me when I say it gets easier. Something had to click for me to be able to do this, I'm hoping it'll stay clicked to carry on.

What a great thread this is. Such kindness. Thank you and good luck to everyone struggling on...
I'm following your progress waves - you're doing so well.

I'm both distracted and consoled that he probably really won't see the message - I sent it on Kik as I'd deleted his number. I'd say he's deleted his Kik account from his phone. I know he's not out there looking for anyone. He's a very solitary soul. He's not reactivated his profile on the site we met. My heart hurts for him too.
He's not a cheat, or a prick, in fact he's absolutely lovely, just a bit odd and kind of damaged - which makes it so, so hard to swallow.

Good morning everyone,
Day 13 for me, feeling a little low today, not a fan of Sunday's, slowly getting there though . Dd has been such a support, I feel for her she stays so strong and encouraging, but I feel so guilty that she has to be so strong, she is only 14 , I try and make her days fun and full. The love for my dc really helps .
Gansy, brush yourself off and do not run yourself down, drains you of all energy
Happiness to you all , sounds corny but I mean it

Hi 🙋.Lon time lurker and have been reading this thread all morning.
Iys been of good use to me so thought id join in with some hand holding as I think I'm going to need some.
Married 12 years,three dc,eldest not bio of his 18 yrs and younger dc 6 and 11.
Its been rocky at times but the last couple of years have been not too pleasant.
There have been trust issues so my resentment has built up and nothing ever gets resolved due to him thinking its acceptable to behave in ways that I'm not keen on to say the least and not even try to compromise.we had a two min bicker via phone on Tues am last week and he just cut me off,dissapeared 😲 He came back thur evening,just strolled in told me we were done had a shower and buggered off again.he came bak Fri am to see dc for twenty mins,then dissapeared again.hes angry at me but in my opinion is being unfair to the kids as he doesn't say when or even if hes coming back.he took them out yesterday but was going to drop them bak at 1.30 and didn't pik them up till 10am!I told him I wouldn't be here at 1.30 and he needed to spend some more time with dc as hadn't seen them all week.shamefully we bickered and he went with the dc.i txt saying I love him and miss him but didn't get a reply.he dropped the dc back tea time,wedged some money in kitchen and went.i txt asking if he'd left money and Its for maintenance!!!
I txt asking is there no way we can resolve this and he wont reply.he wont give me a straight answer and I have to keep making things up to the dc as to why hes not here.
Hes always been a very full on hands on parent so its unbelievable that his anger for me is making him be unfair on the kids.
We have both made mistakes in our marriage but hes decided its all my fault,makes it easier for him I guess.
I have also said its his decision and if its def over we need to sit the girls down together and tell them,hes too coward to do it so wont give me a response.
Meanwhile I'm financially trying to cover a grands worth of bills as he was due to pay his half last week and wanting to bash him with a stick.
I txt him this morning to ask if he was planning on dropping our dds item in he promised her yesterday or was he planning to do anything with the dc.
No reply 3 hours later.
So today is day 1.
Obviously contact for arranging kids is one thing but as he wont say its def over and is sticking his head in the sand we cant make proper arrangements so I don't have to txt him.
Still reeling from the shock of it all to be honest.

Hello everyone. Had a strange dream last night - really the first I've dreamt of him, at least for ages, and I was shouting at him that I hated him. Odd.

Lovely spa day with DD on Friday - bumped into some old friends afterwards and they said Iooked younger - not because of the spa, generally younger. That was interesting too.

I think I must be holding a great deal of anger inside in order to be dreaming dreams like that. Not sure what to do about it.

Yes the shock was immense.
Id spent three days in a state as he just dissapeared.i swung from angry to worried and back again.
Hes never done anything like that before.
After all the crap I've had chucked at me from him over the years I've chosen to try to move on and chosen my family.
He seems to think he has decided he doesnt want to deal with it as a couple so here we are.
I did get a reply to my txt in regards to what his plans were.he said he'd only just seen the txt after three hours,yeah right,and he was going out but would pop in to see the girls later!its almost like he deliberately waited so long to scupper any plans I've made.mon to Fri hes at work and tomorrow I'm off and have made plans with friends so at least he cant scupper them.im working until Fri and his mum will have the dc so Hel speak to them throughout the day no doubt so at least I wont be panicking and fretting about when he's going to turn up or bother with them.
I will speak to his mum on Tuesday and see what she thinks.
If his decision is final the girls need to be told and finances and pick up needs to be arranged but instead we are all just in limbo while he selfishly goes about sticking his head in the sand and being an ass.
The longer its going on the more angrier I'm getting.
I will just be relieved when he's decided so I can put things in place and accept it.
What an asshole eh.
I'm hoping for karma I can tell you.
Oh and I haven't replied to the late txt telling me he will be popping in later.
I'm off ou with the dc swimming

It does get easier waving, this is the first day in weeks I have felt a little low, I have ms and heading for an Autumn relapse , we keep busy so I agree evenings can be a bind, hoping to go camping in a week or so if I am upto it, keep resolute , and write a burning letter with all the resentment and burn it, we did one this morning , it really helps when you have a wobble X
Hare...that is good means you are letting go subconsciously
As Dorey says lets keep swimming 😘

Afternoon. Ladies

I have to say I am feeling alog better .......maybe Spanish sun , sangria or just generally feelin mentally better ...... I have read threads from the last couple of days and you all seem to be getting slowly better ....... Although we all seem to have a moment of sadness ..... Or like walking on treacle ....... Ladies you are all doing so well .... Staying positive we can and are doing it ..... Be thinking of you all and sending lots of positive thoughts and hand holding for those that need it ......

Hi everyone
I hope you are all seeing some sun and having a peaceful Sunday. I haven't posted since my conversation on Friday morning when I had an over night text from my ex. You guys were amazing and I stuck with NC and have not responded.
Last night I was sooooo close to texting him as had had a couple of glasses of wine but I have deleted everything relating to him on my phone and I don't know his number off by heart so would have had to have made a special effort to find it and by that point I had talked myself out of it. I was so thankful this morning when I woke up and knew I had stayed strong.

So I am on day 11 and I am so happy to be in double figures. The emotions come in waves...sad, angry, teary, relieved, optimistic, thankful then back around and around. Its exhausting but also necessary.

I do feel a heck of a lot better than I did 11 days ago and know with each passing day it will get better. Him sending the shitty text cut so deep but now I can see it for what it was "will she still jump if I throw her a bone" and the feeling of smugness out weighs everything right now knowing he hasn't got a clue what I doing right at this moment.

Waving - the breathlessness and gut wrenching feeling you described will pass I promise. It takes time but I don't feel that anymore where as before it consumed me, I felt utter despair which sounds dramatic but sadly so true. You then go through a numb feeling which is strange but again its your brains way of giving you a break. Then you hit the emotions again but this time you feel better equipped to deal with it and it feels like you can handle it so much better. Its all phases and each one will pass I promise.
JennyMe - That was interesting about what your male friend asked. I agree 100% with you. Why would any person, male or female, not want to be with someone they couldn't connect with on an emotional level. Surely that's what relationships are all about. As women going through what we have though I think the main thing is to make sure we have men in our lives who are emotionally available and being on here has high lighted how many unavailable ones there are.
Well done Freefrom and Furple for reaching day 13 and 9....hard bloody work but so good as well!
Apple - that's great you went on a date, don't see it as a negative. It just highlighted you are still coming to terms with all that's happened and still have healing to do. Don't force yourself to do anything you aren't ready for. My friends are all trying to get me back out there but I know deep down time on my own and just dealing with day to day shit is enough for me right now.
So glad you had a fab holiday Resilliance16. Time out what we all need right now. 2 weeks from now I will be on holiday with my two gorgeous children away from all the real life stuff and it cant come soon enough!
How are you doing today Polka? I hope you are feeling brighter and have people around you?

One thing I have learned whilst being on here is how fabulous the female race is. Its great we can all offer total strangers such support and a shoulder to cry on.
Last night when I was low and considered messaging him I thought of you guys and having to say I need to go back to day one and although I knew you'd all be lovely and supportive I didn't want to have to type it! Another incentive. I don't want to go back to feeling rejected and a second choice by that man!
We all deserve happiness and love from someone who truly cares. And from this experience we will all learn what not to take forward or accept in a new relationship.
Sending hugs to everyone and wishing you all a good week ahead. xxx

Well back from our trip out swimming.
I left my phone in my glove box on purpose as I knew I wld be panicking the whole time we were swimming that he might txt,even though it would make no difference in the car or in my locker,but that's how the brain works when under immense pressure I guess.
No txt from him to say he had been or was on his way.im glad I didn't tell the girls this morning he said he was coming later as it gets their hopes up.
Hes done that twice in 2 days now.
I did see ils drive past me on my way home and he was with them I guess so could turn up at any point.
This is what I'm not liking.Its a control thing.I wanted him to turn up when we were out and realise I'm not going to sit around all day waiting for him to decide what to do.He did that to me yesterday.
I find I get to the evening and feel relieved if hes been as I know he wont be bak that night,but then I feel heart broken.
The emotion thing is terrible and I only all started on Tuesday although he didn't make contact until thur late evening when he strolled in and said we were done
Going to keep reading this thread.a mum of one of dc friends went through it last year so knows what its like but I haven't told anyone in rl yet what's going on as I don't actually know for sure myself thanks to him not making his decision and telling me.

Safely arrived on holiday and cannot shake the feeling he's 'with me' does that make sense to anyone??? Anyway, v hot and am going to read to distract.
Waving, now I'm here think the holiday will do me good although as it will you x

And he strolls in at 4pm all calm.i offered a drink and was politley declined and said I would go out so he could spend some time playing with dc seeing as he's back to work tomorrow and hasn't seen them much.
Response of you don't need to go out Il be playing in the garden with them and I've been busy!!!!!
As awful as it sounds I hope when he leaves they ask him when he's coming back again so he can squirm like he did yesterday when he said he might pop back and didn't.
I want to ask him calmly if this is definatly it but don't want to rock the boat or say anything in front of the dc.Its so so hard as when I ask him via txt he wont give me a response .
Aarrggghhhhh

Number deleted - why am i crying again when I now know how awful he is? I feel like I don't know the guy I was with for 18 months at all.

I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I'm 28, I won't be will I?

So we managed a twenty minute conversation without it getting heated,although the only thing that's clear is he will be moving in with a family member,so he's spent the last few days making plans before even talking to me
I am v proud of myself as I stayed calm but just reminded him about the situations we have been in over the years and I've dealt with what he's created on many occasions.
There were things in our marriage I've been unhappy about for a while.I separated our accounts a few months ago due to him draining our cash after a silly fall out one night.he hated it but I felt it was my best option to make sure I had money.
He said we need to spend some time apart and I don't disagree with that but I told him he hasn't been making an effort either and everything always ticks nicely as long as I'm organising it all.
I told him the dc really thought he was coming back last night and that he must see being civil also includes being clear with dc.
I left it that maybe we do need time apart but he needs to communicate with seeing the children and not just expecting me to wait around like this morning as its not on.
I asked when he would be seeing them next and he says he's hoping if he doesn't finish work too late he will pop in tomorrow evening.I made him tell the girls that so they were clear and asked him to txt me if he knew he would be really late so I can tell them he won't be coming.
This is so so hard,
.we have a holiday booked at the end of the month but I'm struggling to get to the end of the flippin day right now.
If he comes tomorrow I will give him a folder I've put together with all of his bills,documents and stuff he will need to sort out.
I now have the task of calling the relevant companies tomorrow at some point to sort finances out whole entertaining dc and I need to go to the bank and beg for a loan to cover the bills he hasn't paid towards.