30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Thanks Chanel, I'm going to take a look at home.
Freefrom, I hope you're okay, the good thing is you're one health risk down. One of my worries was that the anxiety I was suffering from was giving me a digestive tract disorder which has really improved but I've noticed 4 flare ups on my skin this week which I'm putting down to clearing out of toxins (this might be rubbish).

Hello everyone
Mind if I join in? I need some support to stay strong and not message. It's been 15 days since the Not-Quite-A-Relationship ended, and I was the one who ended it.

I've been feeling really pretty bad, and disturbingly, today has been the worst day so far. I thought the tears were behind me, but I found myself crying on the train to work today. My mood is very low. I feel angry and sad.
Small bit of background: I ended it because it was never going to be full relationship, it was always based on borrowed time, and there was a big age gap. I felt myself falling for him, and ended it to avoid bigger pain down the road. Further background: my marriage has ended, but husband and I are still in the same house. It is awful, and its not going to change any time soon. H and I cannot afford two households, simple as that. It's hard enough to afford one. So my life is pretty miserable, emotionally speaking.

I know I did the right thing ending the relationship with the younger man.

I found myself composing messages to him today, but deleted them before sending.

I don't know why it's so so bad or so hard today. I just don't know. I miss him terribly. He was lovely.

Sorry this was so long.

Thanks Jenny, it is the toxins, the negative it can have on us is unmeasurable, hope you feel better soon , and all of us .
Welcome Gancey, Come and join the positive vibes....we do not bite 🙂

Hello everyone.... Sorry that some of you are having bad days. Just need to ride it out, but it's so hard not to try and provoke contact.

4 weeks since we split, day 2 of no contact.

Is anyone else absolutely exhausted?

Here's a quote to keep us going - dates are coming up that we had plans for. Need to stop thinking what if x

Me. But I can't sleep properly. Having the maddest dreams. Last night's was all about spider racing.....! I dreamt I won 35K having bet on the winning spider in a spider race.

I think I'm going a bit mad!!!

Day 4 today for me and he's rung me twice, wants to come collect the concert tickets for tomorrow. Told him I'm going out for an hour so he can come then

He's pissed me off cos he's taking a day off tomorrow, he's also had days off for himself and a couple with OW but none this year with the children, or me. Bastard.

He asked me how I was doing not seeing each other - I'm fine I said. I asked him, he said not bad but that it's odd. I've kept it short which seems to bother him.

As Beyoncé says 'stop interrupting my grinding, I ain't thinking bout you'!

Keep any contact short not sweet but hard, it shocks them !
I said this morning Polka it is exhausting, stay with fluids non alcoholic kind and eat a little something to keep you strength up, we are all doing so well 😊

Hello Upyer.

Today I also realised I'm tired too, from all the thinking. Ex-h who is not my no contact man has messaged to say it would be lovely to see me (I'm really not fussed about seeing him) so it's interesting that I have an ex-h who I haven't had to go no contact with as I had such neutral feelings about ending ending a marriage with.
Sometimes even the non quite there relationships are hard to leave to as you always wonder what could have been.

Hi all
Hope everyone is ok? Day 8 here for me and I have resorted to wine. I have had a difficult day and have tried so hard to spend it being productive but I am just so bitter today. Bitter for anyone happy around me, bitter my children are having fun with their dad and his new family, bitter I have so much to do with the house and I have to do it all alone and bitter I spent so long waiting for a simple fucking text to say he was sorry and knowing its never going to come.
So sorry ladies, the wine is talking. I am pathetically heading to bed now at 8pm as if I stay awake I will do the worst thing and message him asking for an explanation.
Urgh, thank god I have an 11hr day at work tomorrow.
Take care everyone and I am hoping you all manage to eat and sleep ok tonight. Big hugs xxx

I'd made it to week 4. Then today i discovered the absolute arsehole had been cheating. I texted him to let him know I knew. Any remaining items of his are in the bin.

I am pleased with myself as I got some hard thinking work done - when I am low I find it really really hard to think straight enough to do it and a few days ago I was in despair over actually being able to get it done. DD and I are going for a spa day tomorrow (for her birthday treat) and I am going to relaaaaaaaxxxxxxxx

We are not alone in this, that's a huge positive.

Sucha, sleep well, some days just are bitter and it can't be helped.

Little, urghhhh, I hate that thing where you have found a measure of peace and then another lie comes along and you have to go over it all in your head all over again to get it straightened out. Horrible. His stuff belongs in the bin. Possibly some of his stuff that is still attached to his body.

UpYer, I was in the same position for ages of having to share a house but not sharing a life. It's harder than can be imagined if you're not in it.

I don't believe it, within 2 mins of my last post DH turned up an hour early, because HE wanted to see ME! I was just shocked. I was pleasant but I didn't necessarily want to see him.... Luckily I was going out but he was still here when I got back and has only just gone...... I take it my no contact has been broken even though it wasn't me who broke it....

Nah you win this one Liz.

That's exactly it hare, if he'd told me that upfront and not been such a coward it would have been far fairer.

Enjoy your spa day hare, relaxation is good!

Jenny sparkly shoes love it !!!
Guess what !!!!!!

DOuche bag called Saturday ( blocked him every way ...... However unknown numbers can come through ) I spoke to him and asked what he wanted ...... Reply wanted to see how I was and he couldn't believe he let me slip away ...... Reminded him he had choices and he made them ...... Picked OW ....... Seems the grass is not greener ..... He then called in Sunday to wish me a happy holiday ....... He also said that he would like to meet after holiday ...... Which I agreed to ( don't feel such a good idea now ) I am now on holiday with friend as our children ...... Which douche bag and I have been to ..... I told my friend that he had been in contact and that we might meet after holiday ..... Friend clearly stated PLEASE DON'T ..... He is no good for me and will always be about him and his needs I have to admit she is right ....... Bit messed up really .... I was doing so well apart from a few wobbles ....... Feel like have been catapulted back a few weeks .......
Upset.com .... Even though in holiday and having a great time ....... Now I am doubting everything ..... Even though he is a Douche ......

Advice anyone ???? Please ..... Sorry ladies xx

Doner you and Liz are in the same boat - you do the leaving and they can't stand it. You ask for space and suddenly they have to be standing right next to you when last time you looked they couldn't bear to be in the same continent as you. It's an infallible law and exactly what no contact was developed for - to show that running after someone is counterproductive.

I think we spend a lot of time telling ourselves to be strong and brave. Sometimes I wonder if what we really need is to be more afraid: afraid of the people we were when we were with these people we have to try so hard not to contact. I said it upthread - do you want to be with him like it was at its worst? The fantasy is that if you get back together it will be as it was at its very best point, and stay like that forever. In actuality you are looking at a very long time of it being like it was at its worst. I guess I could cope with a shitty relationship - but why would I? I've already done all this grieving and there are plenty of doors to crush my fingers in if I want to feel more pain. And truthfully I really am scared of going back to being the lifeless woman without a shred of self-esteem that I was when my relationship was at its worst. Maybe I still love him, I don't know, it's not worth me thinking about and it doesn't matter anyway - I'm just not going back to that. Sometimes I think a bit of fear is a good thing.

So I had my early night and slept off the wine. I woke up to a text message saying this....
"So it's long enough for me to reply to your message, not a coward or gutless, I just saw you heading to that unhappy place and I was angry too! So all and all not a great recipe for us!! I hope you find a good man that give you what you want and deserve! Take care "

I'm so mad I'm shaking!! I have an 11hr shift ahead of me at work today and I will have that shitty message going around my head....hes angry??!!! Wtf...he caused it!!
Hes left it long enough..... Good for you you arsehole..... He hopes I find what I deserve...... Fucking fuckerty fucker...... [angry ]!!!
Every fibre in me wants to message back and let rip. Tell him how he's hurt me, how I've cried every bloody day, how much I resent the fact he is a coward and gutless because even now he's hiding behind texts. After what he's done to me he should be at my door begging for m forgiveness... Urghhhh!!!!!! Arsehole!!!!!!
Talk me off the ledge someone please, I'm so mad but I'm on day 9 of nc and don't want to ruin that.

Such a...do not give him the satisfaction of a reply. He is playing you and trying to press your buttons. Do not let him. Immerse yourself in that 11 hour shift,leave your phone in your locker/desk/car/Wellington boot/Whatever and get on with it.
He obviously is feeling riled after 9 days of NC and that is why he has sent you his shitty little message to try and get a response and get the upper hand. DON'T LET HIM PUSH YOU INTO RESPONDING!
Big breath, big girl panties on and onwards with the NC. You can do it x

I just watched the Love addict Youtube clip. That really made sense to me, thanks so much.

Sucha, I'm not a very angry person but when I read the message that he sent you that flipped my switch (possibly because the last email I got from the guy I was seeing had a similar ring to it)!! I would gladly put on my new glittery shoes and kick him out your life if I could.
What an utter coward, I totally agree, don't even give him any of your precious self by responding. His message takes no responsibility for his actions (and it takes two to have a relationship) and it screams that he can't deal with the situation himself, he just buries his head in the sand.

No contact gives you the upper hand, don't give it back to him by responding.
Go build your sandcastle and let him stick his head back in the sand.

I had a wonderful dream of blowing bubbles last night.
Have a good day everyone, even if it's just a small good.