30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Wowee to Donor! and good thoughts to you Freefrom in your grief.

Day 25 here and definitely feeling a shift in my thoughts.
I watched some of Natalie Lue's You tube clips which helped this morning.

I have a one plus phone, it can take two sims at the same time so there is no need to go having two phones or swapping sims

Free I had an odd time when I was finally accepting the end of the relationship of re-grieving my mum. She died a couple of months into my marriage and I think somehow the end of the marriage made me re-realise I was an orphan...I'm not sure why, but I relate to you missing your mum

I just thought I'd put that info on this thread.

Thank you Jenny, Hare , I am an orphan to, my mum was my rock my best friend and he knew that taking me away from her would test my love for him, I have come to terms with it, have accepted that I should have stood up to him , thank you for all your kind thoughts. Keeping busy today feeling much better, you are all so supportive on this thread and I know that the week without contact will get easier, feeling much more positive today .
Bless you all and we can all do this x

Hi, been reading this thread and just thought I'd join to say I made it to 30 days no contact today. It's been hard but I'm getting through and feel so much better. Keep going ladies, you will get there. Xx

Well done Doner! That's great news!
Ellie, thank you for sharing that you feel better it shows there is an end to this hurting.

Well done Ellie

Good morning everyone. I have been reading through all of this thread as I was recommended it due to a post I'd put on in a couple of days ago titled "why did I let it happen again, I'm so stupid" and I was told about this thread.

I've just woken up and reread all of your messages and I can honestly say it's been such a comfort to know there are women out there feeling exactly like I do right at this moment but that are putting their lives back together and dealing with each day at a time.

I'm on day 2 of no contact. Thankfully yesterday I worked 8am to 7pm so had no time to think but as of this afternoon I will have finished work for the weekend and my children will be off to spend a week with their dad and I fear I have way too much time on my hands.

The reason I have time was because my ex made another promise he had no intention of keeping of taking me away so I took a week off work and believed this time he'd keep his word!

So, here's to day 2 and hoping I can get through another day not being angry at myself for putting myself back in this position.
Starting on a positive though, I woke up and had that sinking feeling seeing no messages on my phone, deep down hoping he would have sent one over night to tell me he was sorry but instead of wallowing and getting upset I came on here and messaged so a step in the right direction I think!

I hope you all have a good and free day xx

Hello sucha (I can't write that name because you're not!). Good call to come on here.

I'm day 26 and feeling much better so keep on and write on here when you want to contact them instead.

I've stopped thinking he'll message when I wake up now and no longer expect any messages. I make sure I have something to do immediately I wake up (write in my first diary or listen to wake up mediation - the Honest Guys mediation has really helped). Have a good day and write to us this week.

Thank you JennyMe. Funnily enough a lovely lady of my thread told me to change my name!

Day 26 seems unimaginable for me right now but it's so good to hear you are doing so well :)

Those blasted good morning and good night messages are a killer and I'm in that place of being cross if I get a text from a friend or family member and it's not him. How ridiculous is that!

I will definitely be staying on here and reading everyone else's journeys. And will without doubt message here first if I feel a wobble coming on.

And task for today is to look at Honest Guys Meditation. Thank you :)

It's taken some real heartache to get to day 26 but really hang in there, I promise it gets better. The anxiety at never having contact with him again has at times been absolutely dreadful but I've stuck with the feeling and they've moved on.

Part of what kept me going in such a shit situation was that every single day he sent me a good morning and good night message and I didn't know how I was going to to deal with not getting them but I distracted myself and had planned wake up / bedtime activities - reading / affirmations etc and now I don't miss those messages nearly so much. Late afternoons at work are getting better too which was my 'dip' time, I use the No contact app then.
Sucha - have a week off of pampering and healing yourself and starting to get yourself into a really good place in life, use all the resources to lift you to a better place to meet better people.

Thank you again JennyMe, I am so hopeful reading your words. It's the same heartache of not receiving those messages and having our daily routines that make us remember them.

I know those 26 days must have been so painful but you sound so much calmer than I feel right now so I am really hoping that's what this will do for me, bring me peace and calm.

Yes I will, I will use this week without my children wisely in pampering and looking after myself. I've let myself completely go recently, eaten junk and moped about so tonight I've already planned trip back to the gym for first time in ages. Then home, shower, nice food, good book and bed. Small simple steps :).

Thank again. Have a great day xx

I'm annoyed with myself and confused. I contacted him, he says he still loves me and misses me but isn't sure where we are going. We have the distance issue of 3.5 hours. I said I'd still like us to go somewhere but haven't heard back.
I'm ok, not beating myself up too much but I'm just so confused.. Not sure whether to just forget it again and continue on the path of recovery.. Well, I have to do that anyway?
Well done, some great progress..

I know exactly what you mean Sucha about being annoyed it's not him texting, I think it's because part of us still hopes they'd fight for us.
Apple, don't beat yourself up, you've done so well there are bound to be bumps in the road.
Me, I'm starting day one yet again, here's hoping it sticks this time

Flurple ..... Don't beat yourself up ......
Sucha you neither and you not a plonker .......

I am over 30 days finding it hard today ..... Why ? .......... I have had good news about job posted on here ..... Yesterday ...... However my oldest son has left 6th form he had decided that he would like to get a job travel a little and then ..... Do his BA next year ....... I rang the relevant people working tax people and benefit agencies ..... I have just found out that I will be a lot of money down a lot ..... If my son were to start his BA Seotember I would be able to manage ........ This am amount that I Have lost is very very significant ..... Basically what I earn will not cover my outgoings ..... I can't work any more hours as there isn't enough .

Just wish I could talk to douche bag ...... Feelin pretty. low as really don't know what I am going to do ..... Sorry

Apple he is playing with you don't take part in his games ...... Will he change ? Has he changed ?

Been reading this and relating-my lovely bf dumped me as he wants his own kids leaving me heartbroken. He wanted to stay in touch as he still loves me😩 I said no contact after 2 weeks of our usual pattern of texts. I've managed 7 days no contact, but am in constant hope/feel stupid. I am sick of being heartbroken. I can usually bounce back but this is dragging.

I don't want to believe he is playing with me but I've still heard nothing and can see he has been in fb and whatsapp (which he previously didn't use) .. Now wondering if there is someone else 😔 I think I'm still hopeful he'll want to see me. Now I'm starting to get angry again.

Good morning all. Regardless of whether you've kept your seat on the NC bendybus, or got off at the wrong stop or missed the bus completely, we have made it thro to another weekend and are all another week further down the road to recovery.
Apple...a big hug for you. If he wanted to be with you, he would be.That may sound harsh but it's the truth. Stop with the cyberstalking. It just drives you mad.Bin there, done that. NC really is the way forward.I know it's hard and I know it's horrible, but we are here for you.
Also have you had any support around your miscarriage? The miscarriage association website has a helpline and also a support forum online which you might find helpful x Its a hard thing to be left to deal with on your own, no wonder you are hurt and angry. Use those emotions to push you forward x
Everybody else-keep on keeping on. If you've got good news share it with us here. If you need to rant, that's what we are here for too. If you are wobbling remember contact after a split never ever makes you feel better...and you do want to feel better, right?
Onwards and upwards people x you CAN do it.

Morning ladies. I'm feeling a huge wobble coming on this morning as I hit day 3. Then I read Resilience16 message and that has spurred me on for this morning.
I had hoped to have woken to a text message saying how sorry he was.
I think it's just as Flurple said yesterday, you want them to fight for us. Yet really I know he won't ever put himself out for me so why would he start now!?

How are you this morning Applecrumbling? I hope you're OK? I had distance of just an hour with my ex and that was enough to place doubt and sadly I was right. If you're confused it's because hes made it that way and usually for good reason. Mine could sweet talk his way out of anything and it's only now I'm seeing how much he really lied about so be mindful of the way he says things and trust your instincts. Resilience16 is right, if he wanted to be with you he would. So so hard to come to terms with and I'm still trying to battle with that myself but it's so true.

Flurple, you are in to day two, how's that going? You doing OK?

Doner that's such a difficult position you're in with your son and I can totally appreciate just wanting to have someone at home to talk it through with. Just someone to help take the pressure off a bit. It's so hard but would your ex have been if help and support? Sending hugs and hoping today a better day for you.

Well I went to the gym last night (almost killed me it's been too long!!) and had good night sleep even though I had horrible dream about ex. Today a busy day and out for girly drinks so I'm hoping my wobble doesn't have room to grow in to me caving and texting him. Just so sad he can't acknowledge I'm upset.

Have a good day ladies thinking of you all xx

Such great messages this morning, just what I needed too. Thanks all for being on here.
I'm reading Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. It's been a real eye opener for me. I've spent the last 24 years in relationships with Mr Unavailables / or been Miss Unavailable! I think I need to take a real break from relationships and go right back to learning the basics.

Last night I realised how dependant I am on being with other people / having other people contact me as yesterday no one contacted me (okay my sister did) and I contacted no one and I had a panic that I would be alone for the rest of my life but then realised that actually being alone is okay and doesn't mean that at all. I've got such a lot to learn in life.
I've got this idea in my head that I need to also be in a relationship to teach my son about being in a relationship but this morning realised that perhaps a good lesson is to teach him how to be happy alone / have good self esteem and then how to be in a healthy relationship if that happens to me.

Donor, I've got a similar financial situation coming up in the next year or so too so I can understand your worries. I've always found if I'm open to possibilities and opportunities financially then I find a solution somehow, fingers crossed for you.

Your're right Resilience, if they wanted to be with us, they would.

Actions speak louder than words!

Hang in there everyone, every day we're here is an opportunity for growth.

Morning JennyMe, such true words you wrote.
A friend of mine has been through so much and has no family at all just her two children a couple friends. She's had awful relationships and now single and for the first time truly happy. She said this week it was because she finally learnt being on her own was a positive thing not a negative. She doesn't need someone to make her feel important as ultimately those who have been in her life did the exact opposite. She's focused on herself and even taking her children abroad for the first time in a couple weeks just the three of them and she's so excited about it.
And as she said and it's the same for you Jenny with your son, your relationship with your children can be happy and healthy as long as you are and they will not be scarred by us being single. Far better to be single and happy than with someone and miserable.

My dd (13) actually messaged my mum this week to say she was worried about me as i wasn't eating and she knew I'd been crying lots. I thought I'd hid it well but obviously not and that's been a massive wake up call as i don't ever want my children worrying about me especially not over a man!

Well this is interesting.

Having to be in contact - but trying to keep a NC mindset. So: he's clearly very miserable, clearly feeling very low, driving the DCs mad with it. Previously I would have been all over the shop, thinking, what can I do? How can I help/stop this? Now I'm thinking, STOP! What do I want? It's such a difference, like a little holiday for the soul, and like Sucha and Jenny are saying, that thing of worrying only about yourself rather than trying to second guess is the way forward. It's been a real A-ha! moment for me.

I'm sure I'll be back crying later but at the moment great just spending time with the DCs and not worrying about much else.

Thanks for your support. Ok, so day 2 again. I obviously still care or I wouldn't be cyber stalking.. And what a waste of time it is. Why doesn't he contact me? He says he loves me? I'm wasting my time, energy etc he could be perfectly fine and here I am obsessing about it (not healthy) is this normal to some extent?
No fb for me tonight, going to keep busy in the house. I've also signed up to a course to keep me busy over next few months