30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Glad your back Nofool. You'll do it, I really think you will.
I can't believe I fell for the lies either. Reading No Contact by Natalie Lue has really helped me in the last few days. I had two more good things happen today and it's so sad not to tell him but then I realised he never told me important things that were happening to him. I was just being used to fill a gap in his life. I think clearing out the negative has definitely made way for the positive.

Jenny, I love your positivity.

I find I am texting my poor friends so much more, every time I want to message him I distract myself.

Downloaded a no contact app too - comes up with helpful phrases every time I want to contact!

I was told by someone ...... When you meet some on who is controlling , lies for their own means , abusive , nartistucal , they are able to seek out partners that are compassionate , loving, loyal and trustworthy . At first they live bomb and hook you in and before you know it you are hooked .... You minimalism their behaviours you ignore red flags and their behaviours son become normal ........ Their behaviours are not normal ...... We are loyal , compassionate women who are raising children or holding down jobs and making lives for ourselves ......... They are the ones who have insecurities , control and abuse love true love ........ Think a hit it di we really need them ...... We havn't jumped into bed with someone ..... Just because our needs aren't being met ...... What ever they maybe ...... Jog on that is what I say ........ I know the supposed love he has for me ...... Wasn't good for me ....... Love is not anxiety , put downs, lies and deceit .,low self ester being sworn at .Remember that ladies . Just wanted to share .......

Shit didn't proof read ..... I hope you get what I am trying to say ?

Well said Doner, my xh to a tee, the lies, the deceit, the game playing....I get totally what you are saying !!!

Jog on! I love that Doner!

Keep on keeping on peeps.We are the winners. We can do this x

Doner - that's great, and true. Love bombing and hooking in... Yep!

Sun is shining and so are we :)

Feeling more positive today too.

I had 4 completely sleepless nights of anxiety when I was seeing him and I will never have that again.
Day 23 and on day 30 a new pair of shoes is coming my way (to give me a new walk of life). I'd buy you all a new pair too if I could.
I realised I've been a self esteem booster for men and I might not have any of them in my life now but I've got self love and self respect instead.
Yay, to all of us today.

I love the changing the passwords to inspirational ones! I'm going to do that.

I have a month now of having to see XH virtually every day. Wish me strength every one. I am going to see it as a job, and my job is to present myself as a professional. We have to co-parent as it is unavoidable but we don't have to do anything other than that.

And there is always the door to stick my fingers in if I start sliding.

Hare you can do this. If it helps, imagine your XH with something ridiculous like a pink cupcake on top of his head or a chattering gesticulating chipmunk on his shoulder. It kind of helps diffuse things (my DDs delightful dad has the cupcake)
More fun than fingers in the door!

Lots of luck Hare. Keep focused. I've found the No Contact app really helpful at work today.

cupcake love it , mine is going to be a giant gherkin :O)

Feel kind of.. Numb. Because we were in a long distance relationship it's strange to think I may never see him again, despite being pregnant earlier this year.
Probably best I do remove him from Facebook but sometimes it gives me comfort other times I feel jealousy. He checked in at airport to fly to Italy with work today. I feel odd 😔 But accepting and feel time itself is moving me forward. I still love him, or perhaps the idea of him?
So fed up though, nearly 40 and still can't get it right!
How is everyone?

morning Apple, looked at the no contact last night..the last phrase said...something good is going to happen Trust me! ... and I know it will for all of us.
I would come off FB because its the jealousy that fuels the negative feelings.
I am 51, you are still young , everything is going to be ok.
I try not to think of love of him anymore, sounds harsh, the violence put pay to that and I know for sure he doesn't love anyone even his new ow, because when you can hurt your own children like he has.... beggars belief

Definitely, clear your life of them. Don't look at FB, although that was the trigger that got me to leave him.
I'm 41 and it's taken me this long to learn enough to change my life, I think it's going to be worth it.

Yesterday I had to do some pre booked work that required me to be confident and having some pizzazz, I've felt far from that lately and very insular but I had to do it. It did me the world of good forcing myself out my low mood, I didn't think of him and it's really shifted me on.

Hang in there everyone.

Failed epically. Lost every shred of dignity now.

I wish I could switch my brain off.

It's triggered a bad bout of depression too.

So....starting again. From now. DAY ONE

Polka we are all going through the same, please do not be to hard on yourself, have you seen the Mathew hussey video on youtube getting over a broken heart, it really helped me, it will help, have you been to see your GP, even if its to just have a talk ?, thinking of you and I know the despair you are feeling x

Polka first let's get something straight

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE
and neither is anyone here.

Free
I second the Mathew Hussey video - I find his videos to be very helpful

Wholeheartedly agree with Jenny re the avoiding FB thing ( when you're already feeling upset, I've found myself crying even more after reading posts etc

Group hug/wine/chocolate/cake

Whatever gets you through

WE CAN DO THIS

Here here Mamalicious , Girl power ....

Yes, definitely not a failure Polkadot, just a step closer to getting it right. I've got this far because I've endured 2 years of letting myself be humiliated, used and really was at rock bottom with my dignity.
I've not managed no contact before but this time something happened and I saw the light.
I've found many of the truths on the no contact app have really hit the nail on the head too.

I am lucky enough to be able to have some counselling and it makes a difference, when you are beating yourself up about how you have 'let' yourself be treated badly, when you are feeling like a failure, to have someone look at you a little quizzically and tell you that what you are going through is really hard, that it takes the time it takes, that it is normal and healthy to grieve, that there is NOTHING WRONG and nothing wrong with you. That's what this group does too (and no appointments needed).

The constant contact is very very wearing but I am aware (because I've been dealing with this breakup for a very long time now!) that even as I go through the same cycles again and again I am not as low this time as last time, and last time wasn't as bad as the time before, etc. (Imagining a cupcake on his head is really unexpectedly helpful! - I recommend it!) I am also trying very hard to keep an image of myself as I want to be in my head - peaceful, collected, graceful under pressure. Even if I have a blip I try to come back to it.

Good luck everyone, it will be worth it in the end.

Morning ladies just checking in...... I had some really good news yesterday so I would like to share with you ..... For the last 3 years I have been studying for a teachers degree ..... ( I am not academic found studying exceptionally hard ) I have successfully passed my foundation degree and I start the BA in September . I had a meeting yesterday with my head ...... He has given me a pay rise as well as saying he would like grow me as a teacher and when I finish the degree he would like to offer me a position once completed ...... I am currently teaching 2 days a week and supporting the other 2 days ...... He also said that he has noticed the hours that I have put in and the pupils have all passed their accreditation . I have achieved this all on my own without DOUCHE bag ( even though I was abused emotionally by him out downs , fat cxxt , other women , controlling , humiliation and more ) . Wow I am chuffed with myself ......... Keep going ladies better things are coming your way ...... Just keep believing ..... Onwards and upwards. .........

Still have wobbles ........ But not as much ........ I did have the urge to tell him then I though NO !!!!! He does not deserve to know ..... So I shared with you X

Doner, huge, huge congratulations on YOUR achievement! I hope you find a way to celebrate with friends tonight or even just you, your favourite meal and a glass of bubbles. Thanks for sharing with us x

Polka, I hope you're doing better today. You are now on Day 2, you're doing great. Be kind to yourself and keep on trucking x

Jenny, well done on seeing that light. I think I've finally seen it too. There is more and better out there. There has to be, cause lets face it, it couldn't be any worse

Day 6 for me, getting there. Still not 100% but I will be. Hope everyone else is ok today too

Congratulations Doner, you are amazing and all without 'it', so inspiring , you should be so very proud of yourself.
No contact APP getting a lot of use last night for me, conquered the feeling of just one more email... had a few tears last night, not for him but my late mum she was my best friend, who xh made me move away from ( isolating me from my family) during her final stages of cancer, the guilt has been so hard to bare , all these feelings surface, making me give up my midwifery degree.
feeling much better after a cry last evening, not going to let him beat me,
upwards and onwards . Have a great day everyone

Congratulations doner, that is great news