30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Oh Flurple. I have no idea why some people enjoy inflicting pain like that.

You will get through this. And someday you will feel good that you don't even think about someone like that any more. The day will come. But it's horrible, horrible, waiting for that day.

I don't think there's an end to this, I don't see a way out, I thought I'd hit rock bottom before, I was wrong, I'm not strong enough for this. I thought I was coming out the other side.

I know it feels endless, I have felt like you, thinking there would never be an end to the pain. But it does get better, really. When you can't do a day at a time do an hour, or a minute. Anything to pass the time and get a bit further on. Truly, this will pass.

I know it's so disappointing when you think things are moving and you feel like you are back at the bottom, or even worse than you felt before. The disappointment makes everything else feel worse. But it is all part of the journey out from where you were. Don't give up.

I think it is endless everytime I think I'm there he just has to do something to drag me back and destroy me all over again. I can't do this I want to run away and never come back I need an out but there isn't one anywhere

I know, you just feel like all the pain in the world is like the tornado in the Wizard of Oz whirling around you and it will never stop. There is an out, one day your heart will catch up with your mind and stop feeling anything for someone so unkind. unfortunately that time isn't here yet, and so you have to wait it out for a little bit. I spent a lot of time pacing. Can you write about it? Scream in a pillow? Pacing's still good. Truly, it will pass.

Can we add to the title "and my heads fucked up too"? My head is a shed to say the least and I wake up with the sickly feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach most mornings. I have nightmares too. But, today ( just now in fact) I've written / ranted a bit of how I feel. And now I've managed to get a little bit out I feel a teeny tiny bit better. No doubt tomorrow will be a bad day again but hey there are no rules no time limits and if you hit rock bottom the only way is up.........

Mama I'm glad you ranted and feel a tiny bit better.

Flurple I hope you are ok - I know you are not ok but I hope you are finding a way to get through this

Flurple, I hope you're okay today, just get through each day and even the passing of time if nothing else will ease the pain. I'm thinking of you all today.

I've stopped counting the days as I realised that Natalie Leu is right, it's not an end, it's a beginning. I think I put too much pressure on myself to feel better and you just have to go with it and do all that I can to look after yourself. I've got people around me who have no idea what I'm going through who I realised today (through no fault of theirs) are pushing me to get on with other things in my life and I think I will for a while yet need time to readjust and heal my life and then I can move on with other things. I think it's a balance of grieving, accepting, being proactive and then developing yourself and moving on with life. Have a good Friday everyone, so so glad you're all on here with me.

Hope you are feeling better today Flurple💐 Little steps, you need time to grieve and adjust, be patient with yourself and do not feel as you are failing with your feelings, the pain you are feeling is natural, it will take time.
I am finding Mathew Hussey blogs very very helpful, take a look , seriously they are very helpful.
4 days no contact for me , all contact through my solicitor as he has refused to get one., feeling a bit more positive than last week .

Jennyme. I'm the same, I haven't shared with anyone at work.. Not ready. Think I'm still accepting it's over myself.
I'm certainly here with you all and like others say, the passing of time in itself is helping towards the healing even if we don't realise it!
I could burst into tears today- the pain! But I'm not.. I'm going to have a good workout session. Forwards. Onwards.
Hugs to you flurple.

I spent the night crying and am emotionally exhausted, I hate that he can do this to me and has the cheek to keep texting to see if I'm ok? No I'm not ok and it's all your fault you prick!
Thank you all hopefully last night will be as bad as it gets for me.

flurple, can you go no contact ? the texts are not helping, I know it is hardest thing in the world, but you need to stop non dc / financials/house/ contact.
Why is he texting you btw, he is tying you up in knots ....

I can't go fully NC as we work together (I know) I am applying for a team move though. We have a group WhatsApp conversation about work, which I have been mostly staying out of but due to that I can't block his number, I am ignoring him as best I can. I won't let him play these games with me.

Sorry to hear that, you are transferring so that is a positive. You have hit the nail on the head, it is a game, unless it is about the things above, do not engage with him, it will be hard, he will get bored and leave you alone hopefully.
You are being strong, you may not realise it , but you are.

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well today...Flurple I thought of you a lot! I hope it gets better from here on in as well.

I told my boss a bit about it the other week and he was really really supportive - part of it for me has been telling people - I have felt shame for my marriage breaking up and telling people helps me realise that there is no need for that. People mostly just want to help if they can.

Thank you Hare
Well everyone I'm still in a slump and feeling terrified that this will never end. I am feeling more optimistic today or rather I've had optimistic moments. I hope last night is the worst it ever gets.
How is everyone else doing?

I'm occupying myself this evening reading No Contact by Natalie Leu. It's really helping me understand why I got myself into this situation and giving me hope of recovery.

Flurple sounds a slightly better day hopefully there will be more optimistic moments.

Jennyme another positive. Perhaps you could give us updates as you get into the book?

Hare - glad you felt better for talking to your boss.

Here's a group hug to keep us all going

I'm on day 20. I hope we all have a good weekend.

The NC book is definitely worth a read. It explains why NC works, what you'll likely feel, what to expect and possible time frames. I feel much more optimistic about my future without him in it now and I'm being much more understanding of myself.Natalie recommends at least 3 months of NC, even to a year. I don't think we'll ever be in contact again so I'm in for the long haul.

Day 12. I'm feeling a bit better too. Ill have a look at the nc book. It's a bright sunny morning here. I no longer feel the utter trauma emotions, I seem to have levelled out and am getting used to the situation. How is everyone this morning?

I'm glad to hear progress is being made.
Today mostly everything hurts and I can't understand what he thought he would gain from telling me this. I've realised there's a big difference between choosing to move on because he's hurt me too much and being told he's already moved on. I won't let this hold me down forever I have to get through this.
Jenny the idea of long haul NC sounds so appealing right now.

Yes Flurple I really believe the feeling of not having control has made the whole thing much worse for me - because mine was such a liar I never even felt in control of anything because the nature of 'reality' kept changing on a regular basis as I found out things that changed my understanding. NC is a great way of gaining some control of a situation and with that comes a feeling of more safety and agency over our own lives.

I'm going to visit a lovely new friend today and am so pleased to be making a new life for myself.

Same here Jenny, I am in it for the long haul, hope everyone has a lovely weekend 😊