30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

[Thewizardo]

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

Tell us about your meeting Jenny
Resilience heading to the door right now

GOSH !!!! I feel just the same today want to contact him in the hope that it will be some kind of wake up call for him and he will realise what a mistake he had made ...... Then I think what is the point will just feel like crap again. I have to remember his insecurities, locking me in a room, constant checking if my phone , his drug and alcohol addiction getting asked to leave rehab after 3 weeks because if his manipulative personality and aggression. Then to finish me off joining a dating site and meeting other women whilst he edged his bets ...... Telling me he can get any women he wants ........ Let me think I won't call him ...... Best option trapping fingers in the door lol resilience ..... Also while I am working brining up children and studying for a BA to become a teacher ...... I was told your degree cost you your boyfriend

Why I why do I miss him .... Please help my fingers are hoovering over phone .....

Don't do it, (pot kettle black) you will feel no better for it and the worst thing is with him being so manipulative, he will be waiting for you to call him. Have you got a book to read or a friend to call to distract you?

Still here guys, im the depths of two days trawling his social media and what's app. Such a failure

I just can't seem to get the impetus to stop.

Also keep getting flashbacks to places we went and things we did. Sad we won't do them again, jealous he will do them with someone else. Even the thought of someone else sitting in his front seat is eating me up.

Need to drag myself out of this

Doner! What will you gain if you contact him? Apart from earache, heartache and severe indigestion?
You are doing fantastically well, working, bringing up kids AND studying for your degree. You are a strong woman.This guy sounds like a total nob, apart from leaving did he actually have any good points? Even if he did, you are going to be so much better off without him, promise.
I am 6 months down the same road, I fell off the no contact bendybus a few times in the first three months, and I know how hard and sad and lonely it is in those early days.Keeping busy was my saviour.
By month 4 I noticed I didn't really miss him if I had something better to do, and the last month or so I have really started to enjoy my own space, the peace, the lack of drama,and I have certainly not missed the worrying, the put downs and all the crappy stuff I had sucked up for the past 4 years.
I still do have the occasional wobble, a couple of weeks ago I started dreaming about him for some reason and that made me miss him again, but the good bits in our relationship were totally poisoned by all the bad stuff and no way would I want to go back there.
So...all I can say is get through it hour by hour, day by day. Keep busy, and focus on the reasons you split, rather than the rose tinted "good times". It IS hard but it WILL be worth it. Hugs of support to all of you x

Flurple I know exactly how you feel, I want to move on and find someone who is as crazy about me as I am them, but how can I while I'm still pining after a man who does not want me  Today was day 11 but then I caved in and sent him a postcard (I'm currently on holiday). Not sure what I thought it might achieve. Doesn't help that my hotel is full of couples who seem so loved up, it's a constant reminder of what I have lost, I just want him here with me. Sigh. Back to the start.

I do think it's more habit - addiction even - than love.

If I ask myself would I want it back the way it was the answer is hell no. It's a dream that it will go back to the best of times. Those times were over loooooong ago.

I am working on the practice of whenever a little memory pops into my head, of marrying it with a little image of slamming my fingers in the door.

It's my own private little Clockwork Orange

Thank you resilienc ....... On reflection , he was a DOUCHE bag controlling , put downs , name calling and a whole let of other stuff .... Just find it hard he moved on to another women so quickly ... He met her and played games with me ..... Bad day today that is all thank you thank you .... Well done to you 6 months

Feeling crap here too today.. Perhaps a middle of the week thing. We are still friends on fb and he is getting on. I guess so am I from an outside viewpoint. Internally I'm all over.. Having a glass of wine..
We were having a baby or so we thought in feb, planning our lives together, then miscarriage now he has gone.. I can't comprehend

I think the first few weeks are very confusing. I'm all over the place. Sad, hopeful, tired. Actually, I'm just tired of it all. I just want to move on and stop thinking about it all now.

Donor, it sounds like you're definitely better off now and have so much going for your future.

please help ....... I have rec'd email from him ( he has a new email account blocked him on mole one)

That anxiety is back feel all over the place ....... How can he keep doin this when he is with someone else .......
Feel sick ...... Out if control ...... Why is he contacting me ......... Like he is hinting me ........ He says that I was a butch and sorry for all the things he did ....... Dreamt we got back together and he finished with the OW ..... He is moving 10 min drive away , although he lives 16 miles away from me ....... What does this all mean ????? Help help ....... Was nearly at 30 days and all this ....... Feel breath less ...... Sorry to be a burden

Urrgghh, sounds like he is trying to sabotage your life Donor and is struggling to deal with himself. You're doing really well, look at where you are and what you really want for your future. I'm not sure I'm good at giving advice but don't want you to get dragged down by him.
I've been watching Noah Elkrief this morning and YouTube about breaking up and thoughts and I'm hoping it will really help me with my recurring thoughts about him.
It's such a journey, so glad you're all on here with me. Onwards and upwards (even very slowly). Resilience, thinking of fingers in the door still really makes me smile. I'd use my front door that really painful.

Donor, would you like it back the way it was at its worst?

Doner , sorry

Am I reading this right that even when he was hinting about getting back together he still said you were a bitch?

Today will be my day 1.

He lied, he cheated, he broke my heart.

I don't know why I can't hate him but I still love him. He says he still loves me and misses me but then he goes quiet for ages. But then gets upset on the phone.

I just can't take this emotional pummelling.

I feel mentally broken.

It's been two weeks. I need to stop.

Playing games with you Doner, he wants to come back, it is because he knows you want know contact, a sign of desperation, block him and do not let him get into your head, because that is what he wants , do not fall for it !

Polka, you can do this, we all have these feelings, can you not block him it will help to clear your head , or keep minimal contact, and keep the feelings out of the conversation, in other words, be cold, calm and firm ( even though you could cry and cry) this will show him you are in control , because he is playing a game with your emotions.
Just try this, he will see you are going to be ok, he might realise you are stronger than he is, they handle break ups different to us .

How is everyone doing?
Felt a bit of contentment for a while today having a walk in the sunshine. But then.. I think of him, all the good bits, know if we lived in the same town we'd probably make a go it. Now I'm realising my faults and where I went wrong too. I just wish I had him. No contact for 10 days now. The odd 'like' on fb. Do I contact him? I don't know. I don't want rejection.. I don't want to feel crap, but I don't want the opportunity to slip me by.... Don't worry I'm not impulsively going to contact him.. Just thinking....

For me the whole edifice is built on "what ifs" and in no way resembles the way things have panned out in real life. The worst part of it in my life is how I now don't feel I can trust any men but I can't trust myself. Because I keep playing this fiction in my head. And it goes way way back to the point where I wonder if we actually ever had anything at all, or if the whole thing was something I built up out of very little. I don't suppose I'll ever know, and perhaps the best I can hope for is that I just stop caring whether I ever get answers or understand or anything.

So yeah, a cheery day

I had a much better day too. I've had time at home to myself and not felt sad. I've downloaded the book No Contact by Natalie Leu. It makes a lot of sense.

Hello peeps, just checking in to see how you are all doing. Some of you have had good days, some of you have had challenging days, but well done, you have all made it through another day, one way or another.
Doner,you are not a burden and even if you were, we would all carry you through this swampy bit. Breathe. You ARE in control, this silly mosquito is just buzzing round your head, trying to annoy you. Swat it! Block it! Wear your "Bitch" badge with pride and Deet his sorry ass!
Polka, I'm talking to you too.Big girl panties on please, and pulled up to your neck.Block and delete. Someone who loves you doesn't hurt you, or cheat in you.You deserve better, you know that right?
Hareinthemoon, you probably aren't ever going to get the answer why the person you loved was a nob, but we can all ask the question of ourselves why we choose or settle for nobs, and then hopefully we can break that nob pattern. So if that positive comes out of the big negative of my last failed relationship I will take that, thank you very much!
All of you...be kind to yourselves. I know it feels like wading through treacle sometimes but as some of you have said there are rays of sunshine coming through....Just keep on keeping on. Big hugs to you all x

Ahhhhh what kind of wankfuckery is this? Why do they suddenly need to talk to you when you have finally decided not to talk to them?

Both DCs are away on holiday with friends so I answered the phone tonight in case of needed information. No, just wanted to see how I was. Whyyyyyyyyyyy - you didn't give a shit when I wanted you to call. It's like a perverse game of chicken, with emotional rollercoasters in the place of cars.

Sheesh.

And thanks Resilience, I am going to de-nob myself. Probably with some finger-in-door action.

My heart is breaking all over again tonight.
I can't do this anymore.
I heard a quote "if you knew how you made me feel you'd never be able to look me in the eye again" well he knows and he looked me in the eye while he told me he's involved with her. He enjoyed watching me take that particular bullet.
How the hell do I stop this pain, because I am broken, I don't have any fight left in me. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore.

Flurple, big hug for you. You WILL get though it. If you find yourself in hell, keep walking. We are walking with you x