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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here

1000 replies

Thewizardo · 24/06/2016 14:14

I will be using this as my own personal no contact diary.

read here first

Please feel free to join in the thread if you are attempting to go no contact with someone. If you've just been dumped, left or had your heart broken.

I'm on day 1 today. So far today I've blocked his FB/what's app/Instagram etc. I text him to ask him to leave me alone as he's texting quite a bit. Only emergency texts only about DD.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
NoFoolLikeMe · 12/07/2016 08:45

What a soothing a thought it is that in weeks/months/years these 'men' will wake and realise what they've done because they haven't worked through it now. How I hope that happens and he comes crawling back, but I, because I've gone through this shit storm will be able to legitimately tell him to fuck right off. Ahhh, such a lovely day dream!

Back to reality though, Day 11. All ok. Apple, I know what you mean about the 'trauma' feelings lifting. Those first few days when it's all so raw and painful and you feel like you just want to crawl into your bed and never surface. Man those days sucked the big one. But, no, I don't feel that raw anymore. Just sort of sad and resigned. Progress?

Onwards ladies x

Original poster
Thewizardo · 12/07/2016 09:14

Such wisdom on here today

Particularly sucked the big one Grin

OP posts:
Applecrumbling · 12/07/2016 11:15

Lol sucked the big one..
Yes I think that is progress no fool.. I'm just feeling quite irritated now.. Perhaps a bit angry.. Arghhhh!

Resilience16 · 12/07/2016 11:44

Angry is good, use the momentum of your anger to propel you forward...keep keeping on people, you can do it x

JennyMe · 12/07/2016 13:26

I'm feeling very philosophical today. I think all this happened at this time for a reason as did coming across this thread at the right time and learning from all of you. Maybe also meeting 'him' was also a lesson I needed to learn too. I think we'll all be better off than them eventually and even are doing better than them now. I'm so grateful that Wizardo started this thread, it's really helped me keep going and really change my life.

ktkaboom · 12/07/2016 19:07

I'm still really struggling!! I wish I didn't love him!!!
I might sound awful saying this but I don't think I can get over this or let him go until I meet someone else!!! I just wish I could meet someone kind and who thinks I'm something special!!
I never had a problem cutting people out before I am quite cold like that and when I'm done I'm done but I can't just cut him out because we have children together!!
Really emotional today and wishing I could fast forward six months!!!

Flurple · 12/07/2016 19:54

I know how that feels ktkaboom I'm on day 2, finally made it here. Still feeling positive, but I've spent the last 6 months exactly where you are. How many days in are you?

ktkaboom · 12/07/2016 21:09

Flurple I will get 3 or 4 days in and then fail!! Currently back on day one!! He keeps luring me back in with the I'm sorry's and then as soon as I give in he will just be cruel and nasty to me!!

donerwillbehere · 12/07/2016 21:21

Kik please order these books or read reviews or extracts ........ These books made my stomach flip ..... I was able to identify behaviours that was displayed , if you partner was insecure , manipulative and controlling or any of these and more .... I think I have put them on this thread ...... I think these will help you ..... You will get there you will ..... Just think about how he made you feel . NOT GOOD I bet ..... Keep strong please xx

30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here
30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here
donerwillbehere · 12/07/2016 21:21

Kik please order these books or read reviews or extracts ........ These books made my stomach flip ..... I was able to identify behaviours that was displayed , if you partner was insecure , manipulative and controlling or any of these and more .... I think I have put them on this thread ...... I think these will help you ..... You will get there you will ..... Just think about how he made you feel . NOT GOOD I bet ..... Keep strong please xx

30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here
30 day no contact for the broken hearted - starts here
Flurple · 12/07/2016 21:21

I have been there, I have been on day 1 all weekend, something clicked yesterday and now I'm on day 2, it's so far from easy and I don't know what I'll do if he does text or call me. The problem with these men is that they know exactly what to do to get our attention. Stay strong, there has to be a point at which we finally do this Flowers

Applecrumbling · 12/07/2016 22:36

A long day at work and finding it hard to 'keep up' with all my emotions. I feel so helpless. I want to be with him but I can't be due to practicalities/ distance. He hasn't contacted me for a week since we had argument although we are friends on Fb and he likes my posts still. I really don't want bad feeling between us, I just want to be with him but it's not going to happen. I'm struggling to accept this is the reality. On a positive note, I haven't contacted him

JennyMe · 12/07/2016 23:03

Flurple, I too am struggling to accept the reality of never seeing him again. I swing from remembering the awful times to missing the good times but I have to keep on for the sake of my happy future. He hasn't contacted me and I've taken that as a sign he doesn't want me anyway so that moves me forward. I had a great meeting today and missed having someone to tell but I'm channelling my grief into production.

Applecrumbling · 13/07/2016 08:10

JennyMe.. The change in emotions swinging from remembering the good to the bad hard. If I could fix it I would but he isn't here to fix it.
Will check out some of the videos on YouTube. How is everyone this morning?

FreeFromHarm · 13/07/2016 09:57

hi Apple, I am ok today so far, hope you and everyone else is coping if we can call it that , have a good day, if you can everyone

Flurple · 13/07/2016 13:41

Hi Apple, Day 3 and I'm feeling hopeful. Hopeful that he'll change his mind and want me. Pathetic. When these thoughts appear I'm reminding myself there will be someone who will actually want me if I can get him out of my life. I then get scared I won't find that person but I can't keep hanging on for someone who doesn't want me even if I don't meet someone else. My positivity has left the building today.

NoFoolLikeMe · 13/07/2016 13:51

Must be something in the air today. Feeling really down. Can't stop the intrusive thoughts coming and just want to wallow. I still can't believe what has happened. I will never trust a man again. All the empty words and promises and then he could just drop me and walk away like I was nothing. I can't understand or make sense of it.

I'm just feeling it today. I want him to feel it too, but I'm under no illusion, he doesn't give a fiddler's fuck about me. That's hard to take. Anyway, this too shall pass (right?) and NC will remain in place. Take care all x

hareinthemoon · 13/07/2016 15:43

I'm in. Actually ignored a phone call last night. Never done that before. Over a year into separation and not getting any better so trying something more radical. Something needs to shift.

I am feeling that I will never meet anyone else - I'm in my 50s now and think this is it for me. I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone ever again and that will make it impossible to have another relationship.

FreeFromHarm · 13/07/2016 16:11

So proud that you did that Hare, it has been along time for me also, final stages here, been a nightmare. I am also in my 50's, there will be someone out there for us, trust me I picked up 3 , not one or two lucky pennies today!!
Well done and keep going, we all have our bad days, it will get better

hareinthemoon · 13/07/2016 16:27

Thank you Free and how great about the lucky pennies!

I had a really shit day yesterday and normally he would have been the person I wanted to talk to but at least I knew it would only make it worse (and crucially action, or non-action, followed knowledge - finally!)

Flurple · 13/07/2016 16:51

Well done hare
I am back on day 1 starting tomorrow he must know when I'm feeling weak because that is always when he texts me.
I will make it past one week soon.

JennyMe · 13/07/2016 16:59

Day 17 and I feel exactly the same as all of you today.

Resilience16 · 13/07/2016 17:06

Keep on keeping on people! You can do it!
If contacting them made you feel better I'd say go for it. But you know and I know it will just make you feel worse.
So...have a word with yourself. Next time you feel yourself wavering, ask yourself "do I want to feel worse than I do now?"...If you can answer that with a resounding "yes!" then go for it!
Or alternatively go shut your fingers in the door a few times, as will probably be less painful in the long run.
Onwards and upwards...there are better things ahead x

mummysaidno · 13/07/2016 17:42

Hi, I read this thread last night. In a way it feels better to know I am not only one going through this. I am on day five since I contacted him, he hasn't replied. I ended it two weeks ago because him being an alcoholic and a lying let down was too hard to deal with. Now I feel worse.

JennyMe · 13/07/2016 18:27

That made me laugh Resilience which I needed. No, I don't want to feel any worse. Have a good meeting coming up soon but sad I've no one to tell but I've decided I have to have a really big positive that comes out of getting out of this situation.

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