Thread for those who have left marriages that weren't AWFUL, just unsatisfying (pt. II)

[All0vertheplace]

The last thread reached 1,000 posts (!) so here's where we can keep the discussion going. Cake and flowers to all.

That's it exactly chokehold! Bonking my best friend, I just can't do it and totally thought it was my lack of desire but as I have recently found out it was just lying dormant, I know I'll never get it back with dh, don't think I really want to try?

Haven't posted for a little while as I had a bit of a wobble over here. A friend of our's died unexpectedly in an accident a few weeks ago. I was very upset and ended up leaning on DH for support and it sort of bought us back together for a bit. Things have drifted again since though.

I think Christmas will be the final test for us. He's planned a bike ride with his friend on Christmas morning so I'll be left by myself. Not exactly off to a great start! This time of year definitely amplifies everything. I'm feeling lonelier and more confused than ever, wish it would all go away.

Anyway, to everyone who's in the same boat, I hope you all make the most of the break during these shitty times! I will be raising a glass to us all on the day xxx

Sam's bakery in all honesty I left once and went back as I thought I should give it another shot, plus it's hard letting go and feeling you may come out of it without the friendship even. Probably a selfish thought, but my thought nevertheless. When it ended (finally) I took the steps to try to be alone and 'find myself' but actually I was a miserable single person and went through a couple of flings, was totally misled by a man who promised the world and delivered nothing of the sort (these were the moments I considered 'had I made a mistake?') but no, it was for the best. I am happy now and he has someone else - they're expecting a baby, I'm glad for him (he wasn't my Mr.Right, but I hope he's hers!). Keep in Touch ID love to know how it works out for you 🙂

No you're not an idiot, you just want to feel alive. It's so true about a relationship ending without huge drama..just a wee puff of smoke, it's how I want it to be for the kids sake.
The fling is just another nail in coffin.. Or further confirmation that your relationship is finished...don't beat yourself up, as for the advice to try counselling.. No thanks.. I don't want to put a band aid on this..it's done. Keep strong for Christmas ladies it's a day..got a life ahead.

Thank you so much for your replies, I literally feel sick constantly, we've been niggling at each other all day.
Even if I never have these feelings of lust or passion ever again I'm not bothered, I just know I can't carry on like this.
Finances are a worry, how is it even going to be possible to separate? Etc.
You only get one life and who knows what the future holds, am I being selfish?
Dreading tomorrow.

And Hurleygirl, , I did feel alive, like I've been feeling half a person for over 20 years and I'm really struggling to process what happened.

Oh and when I mentioned to dh last week about separating his comment was well we've gone this long we should just carry on, he really didn't take me seriously at all, it's so out of the realms of his thinking that we would ever split, surely he can see this isn't right?

When you read how the men react to us, it makes me wonder if it's a lost cause trying to connect with them an have honest 'communication'.. Just seems they try to either ignore, hoping it will go away... Or pretend to engage while rolling eyes and yawning. So maybe best thing is decide your best course of action for yourself and kids, inform them this is what's going to happen and go for it...so many men seem to prolong the 'limbo' stage, this would cut that crap out. Sorry if I sound harsh and cold, I'm just sick of the games they play..hope everyone has a peaceful Christmas day, cheers to us all!

Happy Christmas you lovely lot. Been such a great support to me this year and wanted to say thanks :)

Hi Bakery

No present from 'DH'. "I didn't think we were getting each other anything..."

Have a great day all xx

Trawling through this thread makes for depressing reading!

Why do you marry / get together with these men in the first place? Fear of being alone? Peer pressure? Want DCs (with pretty much the first guy who shows an interest in you)?

Happy Christmas!

Cheers.

Just got married because it was the next stage really, and not especially unhappy as such, but also not happy. A weird place that ultimately feels like 'this must be it' rather than 'THIS is IT!'

Exactly chokehold...I think I got married thinking we would be good together and be good for each other.. Now in reality we have zero teamwork.. Rubbish communication... And I honestly think we are bad for each other! Oh dear, bit of course then. In my personal opinion, I don't believe marriage is good for women, even a bad marriage is acceptable for a man...Whilst being unbearable over a period of time for the woman? I might be a bit cynical tho! Merry Christmas ladies, this thread helps me stay sane, cheers to us all.

Thanks for your positive input InfoFreako and I honestly have - no idea. Because we are the inferior of woman?
I always thought I was a powerful woman who would never be walked on; but in my experience this backfires. Confidence is a fickle thing. And so we are where we are. And your comment doesn't amount to anything or help any of us.

Riding through Ladies and Gents. Riding through Christmas....

He's gone to bed same time as my kids. Puking from 6am until 11am. Then had a spliff.
What the fuck am I doing with my life?
I have never been so alone. No gift. No love. What the fuck am I doing here?

Just promise yourself that nxt year will be different Iron. See it as confirmation that you need to make a change..it's not nice for kids to see this too. Sending hugs..

Iron.....do yourself a list.
Do that with your life xxx

The reality that it might not just be my 'unsatisfied' that I genuinely have reason to leave.
Just never crossed my mind.

I think the doubt about relationship starts with ' there must be more, but maybe I'm a demanding, unreasonable bitch'...then you start to really look at the whole thing and are gobsmacked about how bad things are, but you just drifted into it? It is for me anyway...Iron, it sounds like you should be more than unsatisfied, he's not on same page as you..and sounds so so selfish..

Iron I'd say this to you, look at the past to change your future. I knew 'this time next year I will not feel like this, this will not be my life' I've very happy now. My life is so different but the things I love (job and family) are the same. Good luck!!

If anybody isn't happy with their situation then it's up to them to engineer a situation where they can change their life. As much as we'd want to, nobody on here can wave a magic wand, put £1m in their bank a/c and watch them ride off into the sunset happy as larry - independent & free.

I just don't understand why anybody (DW, DH or DP) would put up with such sustained neglect / abuse and have DCs with this type of person. Their bad behaviour can't start up overnight. I think a lot of folk put up with mediocrity (could be due to low self-esteem).

(Maybe I'm the odd one).

Cheers.

I have been watching this for ages
Very quick post from me
I have a wonderful husband who is a great dad
2 dc aged 11 and 9 however realisation now that for years he has just been a best friend not feelings of husband
Sex is a problem for me just don't have those feelings towards him
We went to relate last year after I talked to him and have just been coasting
I again spoke to him recently I feel in turmoil absolutely awful as he is a great man but think our sex life will just not happen
I just don't think I can go on anymore
This will be a massive shock to families and friends and god knows how it will affect kids we have a lovely house and our life will change
But I am miserable and think it's affecting me towards the kids
Christmas has been horrible I am starting to want to be with other men as am 40 and libido going through roof
I used to think I was the problem not wanting sex but now know and facing up to it
What a mess
Most people would love a husband like mine
Our kids also have extra needs so I will just create carnage if we split
Sorrry this is not flowing just have few minutes spare and just need to post how I feel
I spoke to him last week he just doesn't get it as we get on so well
Just wish I didn't feel like this as we have a nice life apart from massive pressures from the children due to their needs
I am worried I will make the decision soon and then years to come regret it however I can't go feeling like this !

I know you are right InfoFreako. There is a lot of pressure to stay together for the kids. It all feels like me. I am nervous about initiating and the fallout. But I am so desperately unhappy it's now probably making me ill.
Just found this:
Pay attention to her. When a woman is "tripping" she cares. When a woman is "mad" she believed in you and you let her down. When she's "asking questions" she is trying to gain clarity. When she's quiet and letting things "slide" she is giving up. And when she's not doing any of the above just know you lost a good woman.
Rings so true with me. How he can think that everything is fine. Just instructing a solicitor and getting him out of the house puts the fear in me. And then how I will cope alone without company, however shit it is! Just feeling extremely down about it all and depressed..

Spam, such a familiar story, as Samsbakery said, ' bonking your best friend '. Iron, omg such true words..especially bit about giving up..rings true here too.

Well bloody hell. I haven't read through this thread but have just read part 1 where my posts are like bloody Groundhog Day.

FFS.

We have just had the conversation. He doesn't want to leave the house. It's all v sad.