I have a girl crush that is starting to be a bit of an obsession

[whatnoww]

I fancy a new female friend, a lot. We have started spending time together along with my DH and other friends (in a group) and the more time we spend together the more I like her. She has had long term relationships with men but I have herd from others that she had a long term relationship with a woman in her 20s.

My DH jokes that she 'fancies' me but if anything it's the other way around. DH and I are very open with each other and I've told him that I 'like' her. I don't think he would mind if i wanted to explore that side of my sexuality but I didn't even know it existed! I have never had feelings for a woman before, no experimenting when I was a teenager etc so I don't know where this has came from.

I actually dreamt about her last night what is happening to me?

Not even sure what I am asking. Would I be mad to let things develop (we are becoming close, texting most days meeting up etc) and there is something between us. When the wine flows things become a bit weird.

Any wise mumsnetters out there with any advice? Or been in a similar situation?

I just needed to tell someone. Thanks if you got this far.

[alphabook]

Yeah, exactly right WhatsGoingOn. It's no different to all the other people who chase after affairs, the gender of the people involved is irrelevant. Tale as old as time.

I'm sure she'll use the same old cheater's script with the OW! Boring.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Are you seeing her tonight? Has your DH not sensed that you're excited/on edge?

[wherearemymarbles]

I'm sorry op, but you're a 1st class cunt.

As bad as any of the men that have been posted about here.

What are you going to if he fancies a go with her himself?

[bloodymaria]

Well done for deciding to be a cheater I guess?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Oh this is the thread that the OP has just posted in AIBU for some harsh responses. I hadn't seen this one, the one on AIBU was oh-so-innocent, none of the cake-eating twaddle that she's blethering on about here.

Disgraceful OP, your husband deserves better than you.

[ladybagpuss]

^^ It's not the same poster, they have different usernames and the details of circumstances are different. The AIBU poster has said this isn't her also.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I didn't see that. Apologies to the AIBU poster, I'll post that on her thread.

Thanks for pointing it out, ladybagpuss

[WhatTheFuckDoIDoNow]

Thanks Lying (I am the AIBU poster), don't worry, I needed harsh. Trying to let that thread die now so posted on here (thought I'd better see what all the fuss was about!) but don't want to derail so will leave now. Hope it all works out for you all whatnoww

[whatnoww]

I'm back thanks for the replies, I got exactly what I was expecting. I didn't do anything over the weekend. Saw her briefly with DP and that was that.

I have had a chat with DH and told him that I like her, told him that I feel sexually attracted to her and that I feel some sort of chemistry. He said he had noticed (I think you would have to be blind not to!!) and he had pretty much worked out what I was going to say, he asked if anything had happened and I told him no. He asked if i thought anything would happen and I answered honestly in that I would like it to if he was comfortable with that. We had a long chat and didn't reach a definate answer, it's pretty complicated once you start chatting. I was pretty embarrassed at first but we are both adults and I suppose I can't change the way I feel only what I do about it. The general jist was he would be ok with me exploring things further, he says he would be ok if anything sexual happened (we talked about fantasy and reality in as much as he thinks he would be ok with it and probably get some enjoyment from it but that might not be the case in reality).

We have agreed that if anything did happen we would talk again. He knows that this is part of me and that's good I feel a bit better now he knows. I still feel the same about her but I'm going to try and take some time and see how I feel in a few days. I don't want to ruin my marriage or hurt DH, I did consider it which is bad enough but I came to my senses pretty quickly!

[whatnoww]

DH not DP in first paragraph

[ocelot41]

Congratulations on your honesty OP. Deciding to have an open relationship is a big deal, but I know some folks it has worked for. Whatever you decide, I also want you to realize that quite a few people are bi but not 50:50 bi, IYKWIM. Sometimes, but not very often, they meet a person of the sane gender who really knocks the socks off them. IME, its always pretty surprising and knocks you sideways precisely because you didn't expect it. You don't HAVE to act on it. But if you choose to, with the full knowledge and consent of your DH and the woman concerned, I am not going to judge you. As others gave said though,be considerate of her feelings too, it isn't fun to be treated as an experiment only yo have someone you thought was special run back to their (opposite sex) DP!

[KatieHopkinsAteMyHamster99]

Ah that's great OP, it sounds like you have a really strong relationship with your DH to be able to have that conversation.

I am in an open relationship, as there were things we both wanted to explore and tick off the bucket list lol. We have had some amazing experiences both together with other people, and separately as well. It's been an adventure that for us has been really positive. I think you need to be very self aware though to manage the emotional aspects. Have you read up about polyamory at all, there are some very helpful self help books, where people talk about working out feelings of jealousy and other common issues, good luck and feel free to PM me if you like.

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

I'm really sorry for mixing up the two threads, and for being a total bitch about it. I just get really upset about cheating.

Apologies, OP.

[KatieHopkinsAteMyHamster99]

In response to the earlier poster about %bi, I am sure it does vary by degree. I am about 90% straight as I reckon that out of 10 people I am attracted to, 9 are male. I have a very specific "type" for women (which probably dates back to a teenage crush) but fancy quite varied types of men.

[whatnoww]

Whats - I don't mind people being a bitch, I deserved it even without the mix up with the threads (can someone point me in the direction of the other one?)

KatieH - I think my ratio is about 1/100. I do remember thinking women were pretty, good looking whatever but never thought of it as an attraction as such. Looking back it probably was. I can't deny this one tho!

Gonna have a read round. Thanks for the advice everyone.

I think I've messed up a bit with her anyway. Texts were turning very flirty but I may have said something wrong and it's gone back to normal texts again. This is hard work!

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

Normal texts are good, when you are MARRIED TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

[whatnoww]

What's - is it still wrong in your opinion if DH knows and is ok with it? genuine question!

[RiaOverTheRainbow]

Is your dh aware your feelings are more than just fancying her? Is he ok with you falling in love with her, which if she reciprocates is a real possibility. If not then you don't really have his blessing, and are bordering on cheating.

[AyeAmarok]

If your DH is genuinely OK with it then maybe it will be OK.

I think you might be opening a can of worms though. Assuming this is the first time you've involved someone else in your marriage (even if your DH isn't involved, you're letting someone else "in") you have no idea what the ramifications of this might be, especially in the medium to long term.

[ocelot41]

What Ria said. If he thinks he is OK with that then this is part of a bigger discussion about potentially moving to a poly relationship with this or another person in future. Pls bear in mind that the current object of your affections may want monogamy!

[rumred]

Are you ok with him fancying someone else, a mutual friend say, and having sex with them? If yes then sounds like you have an open relationship. Also is he ok with you shagging a mutual male friend?
If no, you are both treating gay relationships with disrespect and are frankly homophobic.

[whatnoww]

Rumred - I'm not sure how it makes me homophobic if the thought of my DH with another woman makes me a little uneasy but I'd be ok with him having sex with a man. Surely it just exactly the same as the other way round if i was ok with him with women but not men.

He has told me in the past that he would get sexual pleasure from me being with another man, the subject of women never came up at the time as I've never been interested in a woman.

I would be comfortable with him being attracted to some friends (he drunkenly told me he fancied a couple one I was ok with and one I was upset by) but not others. I'm not sure if it's down to sex or gender or whatever, I think it just depends on the person and the relationship you already have with them, if any.

Aye - I am fully aware of the can of worms that I have already opened by speaking to DH about this and admitting it to myself. Whatever happens here this is a new part of myself and I'm going to have to deal with that one way or another.

[rumred]

Homophobic in terms of seeing a same sex relationship as unthreatening thus not 'the real thing '. so if you were telling him you were extremely attracted to a man he'd accept that? Even if he wasn't allowed to take part in it? I think you are mixing sexual fantasies with real relationships. Having sex with someone other than your partner in monogamy usually signifies a problem and infidelity. Saying same sex sex is different/less worrying is in my opinion disingenuous or insulting.
Either you want to have sex with another person and be non monogamous or you want to cheat

[whatnoww]

I don't want to do either I want to have sex with someone else with my husbands agreement. If it was a woman or a man I don't see it makes that much difference, it seems it more about the actual person than anything. If it was a man it would make things simpler in my eyes as that's all I have ever known. I don't see same sex relationships as any different in site some are shit and some are amazing just like any other relationship.